Whims, disobedience and childhood neuroses - what comes first and what is a consequence? Some mothers consider the noisy tantrums of their children to be a manifestation of a disorder of the child’s nervous system, but it also happens the other way around - endless whims and inappropriate behavior lead to the emergence of childhood neuroses.

Nervous child - illness or disobedience

Nervousness in children is associated with deviations in their behavior - increased excitability, tearfulness, sleep disturbance, irritability and impressionability. A nervous child is difficult to communicate with and spoils the mood of those around him, but first of all, inappropriate behavior changes his own life, depriving him of simple childish joys. Long-term studies have proven that the causes of childhood nervousness in most cases begin in early childhood and are a consequence of improper upbringing.

The nervousness and disobedience of young children are so closely intertwined that it is sometimes difficult to figure out who is to blame - the parents or their children. Among the many reasons for disobedience, the main ones can be identified:

1. The child’s desire to attract attention - noticing that much more parental emotions are manifested if he commits any offense, the child suffering from a lack of affection unconsciously uses a proven method.

2. A child limited in independence and tired of numerous prohibitions defends his freedom and opinion using the method of protest disobedience.

3. Children's revenge. There can be many reasons for it - divorce of mom and dad, failure to fulfill promises, unfair punishment, inappropriate behavior of one of the parents.

4. The baby’s own powerlessness, inability to perform any actions accessible to others.

5. Diseases of the nervous system of children, mental disorders.

Despite the fact that only in the last paragraph problems with the nervous system are named as the cause of disobedience, each of them convincingly indicates the close connection of the child’s behavior with his psychological state.

Childhood neuroses - causes and signs

The fragile and unformed nervous system of children is extremely susceptible to neuroses and mental disorders, so the strange behavior of the baby, his whims and hysterics should alert attentive parents and prompt them to immediate action. Constant stress, prohibitions, and lack of attention gradually accumulate and develop into a painful condition - neurosis. Doctors use this term to describe a transient mental disorder in children caused by all sorts of stressful situations. Neuroses can be the cause of a child’s inappropriate behavior, or they can be the result of it.

Most often, neuroses develop around the age of five or six, although an attentive mother notices some of its individual signs much earlier. Particular attention should be paid to the child’s behavior during periods of age-related mental changes - from 2 to 4 years, from 5 to 8 years and in adolescence. The causes of nervous system disorders in children can be considered the following:

- psychologically traumatic situations - parental alcoholism, divorce, quarrels with peers, adaptation to a child care institution;

- severe fear as a result of any mental influence;

- excessive severity and harshness of parents, lack of attention and lack of affection;

- atmosphere in the family and relationships between parents;

- the birth of a brother or sister, to whom the main attention of mom and dad switches, and bitter childhood jealousy.

In addition, there may be external reasons - an accident, death or serious illness of loved ones, a disaster. The first signs that children's nervous systems are not functioning properly are:

- emergence of fears and anxiety;

- sleep problems - a nervous child has difficulty falling asleep and may wake up in the middle of the night;

- enuresis and gastrointestinal disorders may occur;

- speech disorders - stuttering;

- nervous cough;

- reluctance and inability to communicate with peers.

If parents note aggressiveness, increased excitability or, conversely, excessive isolation, irritability, and lack of communication skills in the behavior of their little monster, then it is best to discuss the problems that have arisen with a doctor. By letting the development of a possible disease take its course and not taking any measures, parents risk raising a timid, indecisive person who is unable to cope with emerging problems and communicate with others. It is also necessary to consult a doctor if the state of the children’s nervous system disrupts the normal rhythm of life. The presence of stuttering, enuresis or nervous tics requires immediate comprehensive treatment from specialists.

Nervous tics in children - causes and symptoms

Doctors characterize a nervous tic as a short-term inappropriate movement of a certain group of muscles, which the baby is simply unable to resist. According to statistics, every fifth child has experienced such manifestations at least once, and approximately 10% of children suffer from a chronic illness. This indicates that a huge number of children from 2 to 18 years old have complexes when communicating with peers, are embarrassed by their obsessive movements, and the existing problem really prevents them from living a full life.

Nervous tics in children can be divided into several main groups:

- motor - biting lips, grimacing, twitching limbs or head, blinking, frowning;

- vocal - coughing, sniffling, hissing, snorting, grunting;

- ritual - scratching or fiddling with the ear, nose, strands of hair, clenching the teeth.

According to the degree of severity, nervous tics in children are divided into local, when only one muscle group is involved, and multiple, manifesting simultaneously in several groups. If motor tics are combined with vocal ones, this indicates the presence of a generalized tic called Tourette Syndrome, which is inherited.

It is important to distinguish between primary and secondary nervous tics in children, whose clinical manifestations are similar. If the latter develop against the background of other diseases - encephalitis, brain tumors, traumatic brain injury, congenital diseases of the nervous system, then the causes of the primary ones are:

- poor nutrition - lack of magnesium and calcium;

- emotional shocks - quarrels with parents and their excessive severity, fear, lack of attention;

- loads on the central nervous system in the form of frequent and increased consumption of coffee, tea, energy drinks;

- overwork - sitting for long periods in front of the TV, computer, reading in low light;

- heredity - the probability of genetic predisposition is 50%, however, under favorable conditions, the risk of tics is minimal.

Nervous tics do not appear in children during sleep, although their effect is observed in the fact that the child has difficulty falling asleep and his sleep is restless.

Is it possible to cure a nervous tic and when to see a doctor?

Under no circumstances should nervous tics in children be left unattended. A visit to a neurologist is necessary if:

— it was not possible to get rid of the unpleasant phenomenon within a month;

- the tic causes inconvenience to the baby and interferes with his communication with peers;

- there is a strong severity and multiplicity of nervous tics.

Important! The peculiarity of nervous tics in children is that you can get rid of them relatively quickly forever, but you can remain with the problem for life. The main condition for successful treatment is finding out the reasons for the appearance of tics and timely contacting a doctor.

After conducting certain studies and consultations with other specialists, the doctor prescribes the necessary treatment, which is carried out in combination:

- medicinal;

- measures aimed at restoring normal activity of the nervous system - individual psychotherapy and psychological correction in group classes;

- traditional medicine.

Parents are required to ensure a calm environment in the family, good nutrition and proper daily routine, sufficient time for the baby to spend time in the fresh air, and exercise. Teaks are reduced by decoctions of soothing herbs - motherwort, valerian root, hawthorn, chamomile.

The course of the disease is greatly influenced by the age of the child. If nervous tics in children appeared at the age of 6-8 years, the treatment will most likely be successful, and you don’t have to worry about the return of the disease in the future. The age from 3 to 6 years is considered more dangerous; the baby will have to be monitored, even if the unpleasant signs disappear, until he reaches adulthood. But the appearance of nervous tics before the age of three is especially dangerous; they can be the heralds of schizophrenia, brain tumors and other extremely dangerous diseases.

Raising and treating a nervous child

Successfully overcoming disruptions in the functioning of the nervous system of children depends on two main factors - comprehensive medical care and proper upbringing of a nervous child. You should not think that problems will go away with age; without qualified help from specialists, treatment of a nervous child is impossible. If the doctor has diagnosed a neurotic disorder, both drug treatment and sessions with a psychologist will be required. There are special types of therapy that help get rid of the baby’s tightness, adjust communication methods, and restore activity and sociability. Parents can be of great help with this.

Mom and dad should carefully analyze the causes of the child’s nervousness and try to eliminate them and create comfortable conditions for their child. In the absence of independence, which your offspring persistently strives for, you should give him more freedom, without focusing on control over his actions. Do you have a catastrophic lack of time to communicate with your baby? Think about what is your priority in life - a career and impeccable cleanliness in the house or psychological health and the selfless love and devotion of a little person.

Raising healthy, mentally balanced children is not only a completely understandable desire of parents, but also their responsibility. Take care of the unformed and vulnerable psyche of the baby so that in the future you will not need treatment for a nervous child from specialists. Moms and dads are quite capable of creating a stable and balanced microclimate in the family, avoiding unnecessary quarrels and unreasonable prohibitions, giving their child maximum attention and tenderness, and raising a self-confident person. Under no circumstances should you frighten the baby, react inadequately to his misdeeds, or limit his freedom excessively. Following these simple tips from experienced psychologists will serve as a reliable prevention of various neurological disorders in your children.

As much as we would like, we cannot completely protect children from terrible, painful and tragic events. Illness, death of loved ones, divorce and relocation, natural disasters and violence are all part of our world, which children also have to face.

A small child is freed from negative, traumatic experiences when he cries in the arms of adults. Tears not only help relieve tension, but also work as a pain reliever - they reduce both physical and mental pain. Children over 3-4 years old intuitively find ways to relieve stress: express their experiences in drawings and games, regain the ability to act actively, and not be a passive victim, through “aggressive” games, conversations about what frightens or worries with adults who trusts.

Parents are usually very concerned that the consequences of the stress experienced for the child will not be destructive and will not have a long-term negative effect on the child’s future life.

What a parent (or other caring adult) can do to help a child get through a difficult time:

9 steps from trauma to normal life

1. Create a protective regime for the nervous system and physical comfort for the child. Try to limit activities that are too stimulating to the nervous system, such as watching TV (due to flickering), going to crowded places, or hearing too loud sounds. This regime is most similar to the regime of a recovering child after the flu. Just as after an illness all energy is spent on recovery and recovery, all the resources of the psyche and body after a stressful event are thrown into processing it. Frequent drinking and eating a little, more time for sleep or passive rest. Stress usually reduces appetite, but it happens that the child begins to eat more than usual and thus looks for ways to reduce anxiety and calm down. Comfortable tactile contact for a child, calm attention and the presence of a close adult, “pacing” anxiety while walking with a parent - this is usually enough to reduce anxiety and negate “stress eating.”

2. Keep the conversation going about the scary (stressful) event. Listen calmly, help restore the sequence of events. Call a spade a spade, avoid allegory and understatement - “died”, not “left”, “divorce”, not “quarrel”, “injection” - instead of “injection”. Name in words the feelings that the child might experience: fear (frightened, scared, terrible), anger (angry, angry, indignant, enraged), confusion (at a loss, didn’t know what to do), powerlessness (couldn’t do anything), grief (upset, grieved, felt sad, bitter).

If a child has been injured (cut, broken an arm or leg, severely bruised his face or knee, etc.) or witnessed someone getting hurt due to his own negligence, do not rush to teach safe behavior in such situations. First - response to feelings, calming down, and only then - “organizational conclusions” and preventive training. While emotions are strong, learning is not effective.

3. Give the opportunity to “legally” express aggressive impulses: sculpt together from plasticine or clay, make mud “bombs”, tear pieces of paper (for example, for tear-off appliqué or to dispose of unnecessary newspapers), play with water (water relieves psycho-muscular tension), finger paints (even with “adult” children), or sand.

4. Help restore activity in the game. For example, a child had to endure painful procedures (needles due to infection) where he or she was forcibly restrained and the child's natural activities were suppressed. In this case, a fantasy game can help, in which the child will play the role of a successful fighter against infection (an adult can take on the role of “infection,” and a child with a sword or armed with “spells” will defeat this “infection”). A child experiencing the departure of his parents can find support for his activity in creating his own sandy “world”, dispersing dolls and animals into holes, or fantasizing about how he will independently and on his own initiative move from country to country to meet old friends .

5. Don't be afraid of aggressive games and the fact that the reaction game can be repeated many times. The exception is aggressive actions towards living beings (pulling a cat by the tail, hitting other children or biting adults, calling or insulting other people, etc.). If a child begins to show cruelty to living beings, it is necessary not only to stop the inappropriate behavior, but also to immediately provide legal alternatives to expressing aggression.

6. Create and maintain pillars of safety and predictability in life: routine, talking through immediate plans, repeating (sometimes several times) the sequence of upcoming actions. In the acute phase of grief and immediately after a stressful event, there may be a temporary decrease in memory and attention - you should speak in simple, short phrases, repeat the same thing several times if necessary.

7. If your child has difficulty falling asleep or complains of nightmares, then sit with him longer while going to bed. Even if the child is already old and knew how to settle down on his own before the event, he or she may temporarily need your presence nearby to regain a sense of security. Before going to bed, while gently stroking the child, you can repeat “support messages” from parent to child: “Mom loves you, dad loves you, grandma loves you...” You can also pronounce the positive qualities of the child (“good, loved, strong, beautiful”), calling him or her by name.

8. Take care of yourself, your health and emotional stability - get more rest, put aside all non-urgent matters for a while and spend time on your mental and physical health. An overloaded, tired or very anxious parent can hardly provide a sense of security and support for their child. This item comes at the end of the list, but in terms of importance it may be the very first.

9. Seek help and support for yourself and your family. You should consult a psychologist or doctor if symptoms (see article) after a stressful event persist for more than a month or interfere with the normal life of the family. You can also turn to specialists “preventively” if an event threatened life and health (trauma, accident, serious illness) or significantly changed the basics of the child’s usual life (death of a loved one, moving to another city/country, divorce and separation of parents).

How a psychologist can help: The psychologist helps the child restore the integrity of his sense of self, rely on his own activity and find new foundations for a sufficient sense of security. For older children, the psychologist helps them begin to talk about the event and become aware of their feelings and reactions; for young children, who cannot yet describe their experiences in words, the conditions for liberation from worries, restoration of activity and integrity are created in the game, while drawing, playing in the sandbox. Also, in an unobtrusive game, the psychologist teaches the child self-regulation skills, techniques for reducing anxiety and fears.

Instructions

When, for example, difficulties at work or in your personal life are obvious, mental restoration should begin by eliminating the main problems. Until the irritating factor is eradicated, trying to bring the psyche into balance is useless.

Try to stop repeating the same thoughts in your head. Take a piece of paper and write down everything that worries you. Often, once problems are put on paper, they start to look wrong. Analyze carefully and decide what needs to be done first to deal with the discomfort.

Talk about your condition with loved ones you trust. In addition to speaking out, an outside perspective will help you find new solutions to your problems.

Change your daily routine and temporarily give up all additional part-time jobs. The most important thing in your situation is to try to achieve inner peace. In your free time, try to walk more and take time for yourself. You can take up your favorite hobby or regularly do something that brings you joy - for example, go shopping, or for a man - go fishing.

During a difficult psychological period, try not to forget about nutrition. Avoid fatty, smoked and sweet foods. Eat more easily digestible proteins and vegetables. Remember that the state of our nervous system largely depends on proper nutrition.

Go to bed on time and sleep at least eight hours. It’s not for nothing that doctors say that sleep is the best medicine.

Take up swimming or yoga. With psychological problems, people experience muscle tension, which is harmful to health and also does not allow them to relax, which is very important for people who experience mental discomfort. Physical activity will help relieve muscles, and the endorphins released during active movement will help you feel happier.

Don't hesitate to consult a psychologist. A specialist will help you understand the accumulated problems and also recommend effective training for relaxation.

If your condition worsens, you should consult a doctor. Often, mental problems can be caused by a violation of certain organs and systems (for example, endocrine). The doctor will order an examination and also refer you to a psychotherapist who can help not only through conversations, but also by prescribing medications that will help your psyche recover faster.

The pace of modern life is accelerating and becoming faster. Trying to achieve ever greater heights in their professional career, most people bring themselves to nervous breakdowns and mental overload. Constant problems lead to fatigue, imbalance and chronic nervousness. Workaholics, a category of people who do not know how to relax, trying to relieve emotional tension, are capable of driving themselves into a state of dependence on psychotropic drugs.

You will need

• - adonis grass;
• - barberry leaves;
• - valerian rhizomes;
• - Oregano herb;
• - lemon balm herb;
• - viburnum fruits.

Instructions

Adonis is a valuable medicinal plant with sedative, diuretic and tone-supporting effects. Take 1 teaspoon of crushed dry adonis herb and pour 100 ml of high-quality vodka. Infuse, then filter. Drink 15 drops 3 times a day, diluted with boiled water, for nervous agitation for no more than 7 days. When using Adonis tincture, the exact dosage must be observed, since Adonis is poisonous.

Barberry has a number of medicinal properties, one of which is its ability to calm and strengthen the nervous system. Take 1 tablespoon of barberry leaves and pour 100 ml of good vodka over them. Leave for 2 weeks, then filter. Drink 20 drops three times a day. The course of admission is up to 3. Barberry should not be taken during pregnancy or menopausal bleeding.

Traditional and scientific medicine uses valerian as a sedative and tonic for chronic functional disorders of the nervous system, insomnia, migraines, gastric neuroses and nervous esophageal spasms. To prepare an effective complex herbal collection, take 1 tablespoon of valerian roots with rhizomes, 2 tablespoons each of lemon balm, oregano, and viburnum fruits. Grind all ingredients and mix. Pour 4 tablespoons of herbal mixture into a thermos and pour 900 ml of boiling water. Leave to brew for 2 hours and strain. This is the daily intake, which is divided into 4 servings and drunk at equal intervals. Improvement occurs within 2-3 days.

note

At the first signs of a mental disorder, it is recommended to consult a specialist in the treatment of these diseases, but you should not get carried away with medications from official medicine. They have too many side properties that negatively affect human health.

Helpful advice

Nervous shock is closely associated with family problems, extreme fatigue, unfulfilled desires, and even surgery. Any strong experience can lead to nervous shock.

Nervous shock: consequences and symptoms

The consequences of nervous shock can be very serious. A person changes for the worse, becomes withdrawn, aggressive, confused, angry. If help is not provided in time and treatment is not started during this period of time, serious diseases of the nervous system will develop, manifested in mania, unhealthy desires or obsessions.

That is why it is important to understand when nervous shock begins. First of all, this mental disorder characterizes intellectual impairment. Please note that if your loved one began to suffer from memory loss, stopped perceiving information, became absent-minded, and has poor spatial orientation, then these are alarm bells.

In addition, nervous shock is accompanied by severe depression with strange pains, character changes or insomnia.

How to help yourself with nervous shock

If you find alarming signs that characterize nervous shock, first of all, you should contact a good psychologist. He will help you cope with this serious illness and return to normal life.

In such a difficult period of life, you should get a good night's sleep and rest a lot.

The best option for relaxation is trips to nature and fresh air.

If you have the opportunity to take a vacation or time off from work, immediately take it and go to the country or to the sea.

Try taking some meditation courses at . If you are a believer, go to church, pray, unburden yourself.

Change your diet, stick to proper nutrition. Don't forget about the magical properties of real chocolate, because it has been proven that sweets lift your mood.

There are many natural remedies that can help cope with nervous shock. One of the most popular plants is valerian. If you take a tincture based on this natural remedy a couple of times a day for one week, you will notice a positive result.

If you feel that anger and aggressiveness is growing, do not restrain yourself. It is imperative to throw out all negative emotions. You have every right to do this. Cry your heart out, hit your pillow and break the dishes! It will become easier. After emotional release, brew yourself strong tea with lemon, lie down in bed, cover yourself with a warm blanket and sleep. Sleep will return the energy you have lost and allow your nervous system to recover.

Video on the topic

Tip 4: What are the most common mental illnesses?

Currently, the number of mentally ill people in the world has reached 500 million. The most common are schizophrenia, manic-depressive psychosis and epilepsy.

Schizophrenia

Schizophrenia is the most common mental illness in the world. There are many forms of schizophrenia, but they all have common features. There are negative and productive symptoms of schizophrenia.

Negative ones reflect loss or distortion of mental function, productive ones – the appearance of additional symptoms. Negative symptoms taken together constitute the so-called schizophrenic defect. These include: emotional flatness, decreased level of motivation, thinking, behavioral disorders.

Schizophrenia is characterized by autism, in which the patient self-isolates from the outside world. Judgments and assessments become so subjective that they are incomprehensible to others.

A decrease in energy potential manifests itself in difficulty concentrating on activities, which can lead to intellectual failure against the background of intact intelligence. It becomes more and more difficult for the patient to study and work, to perceive new information.

Thinking disorders are characteristic: uncontrollable thoughts, mental stupor, inability to hold a thought. There is inconsistency of thinking and jumping ideas. The patient randomly switches from one topic to another without any logic.

Emotional disturbances: loss of moral and ethical properties, emotional coldness, loss of attachments to loved ones, cynicism. The range of interests narrows, and strange behavior may occur.

Perception disorders: hallucinations, paranoid delusions, delusions of persecution, delusions of physical influence and others. Characterized by various unpleasant sensations, which patients complain about very specifically: dry stomach, a feeling of distension in one of the cerebral hemispheres.

Of the motor activity disorders, the most common is catatonic syndrome, which manifests itself as stupor or agitation. Violations of the volitional sphere are noted: apathy, and increased activity may also occur. In active actions, patients usually follow the fulfillment of their delusional plans.

In the later stages of schizophrenia, delusion crystallizes: delusional ideas form a solid picture, and nothing can convince the patient. Absolutely irrelevant facts are used by the patient as evidence of his point of view.

Bipolar disorder

Bipolar disorder or manic-depressive syndrome is manifested by alternating depressive and manic phases. It does not lead to pronounced personal changes.

The depressive phase is characterized by depressed mood and mental retardation. Motor retardation and speech retardation are also noted. Patients experience melancholy, boredom, apathy, and their sensitivity increases. Suicidal thoughts are possible, the patient becomes too critical of himself.

In the manic phase, the mood rises sharply and intellectual and motor excitement occurs. The patient's animation reaches an inadequate level; he becomes impudent in communication and uncontrollable. The patient's ideas, the logic in reasoning is lost.

A person’s attention in a manic phase is easily distracted and does not remain focused on anything for long. He strives for activity, often does not sleep at night during this period.

Both phases alternate with periods of complete disappearance of symptoms.

Epilepsy

Epilepsy is a chronic disease that gradually leads to personality changes. The most characteristic symptom is convulsive seizures, which patients are able to anticipate. A hint is given by irritability, weakness, headaches.

Convulsive seizures are accompanied by loss of consciousness, tension and sudden muscle contractions, and lack of pupillary response to light. With atypical seizures, only a short-term loss of consciousness occurs.

In a patient with epilepsy, the slowness of all mental processes gradually increases. Viscosity and thoroughness of thinking are noted, when the patient gets stuck on details and cannot highlight the main thing. A person becomes vindictive and touchy, and is characterized by reasoning.

Reasoning manifests itself in pretentious philosophizing on various occasions, moralizing to others, and revaluing one’s own experience. Patients do not understand humor, they are infantile and stingy.

The speech of patients with epilepsy is usually slow and replete with diminutive suffixes. They can be cloyingly polite, which then gives way to viciousness.

We want to give our children the best, but for some reason we cannot always explain this to them. What to do when a child behaves badly, does not listen, or ignores requests? We explain - he doesn’t hear, he’s stubborn, he’s capricious. We begin to get irritated, angry - and gradually turn to screaming. How else can you talk to him if he doesn’t understand differently!

We throw out our powerlessness on children, shouting out what we cannot explain. Perhaps for a moment we get the desired reaction: he stopped getting in the way, rewrote his homework for the fifth time, collected scattered toys, so it seems that screaming is an effective method.

We resort to such methods of education ourselves and consider screaming normal in kindergartens and schools. But do we think about what it’s like for a child at this moment? What is the price of such education?

Danger signal. Save yourself, who can!

System-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan shows how upbringing with screaming affects the still developing psyche of a child. Every person from birth is endowed with mental properties - vectors. There are eight vectors in total. His desires, thoughts, abilities depend on what vectors a person has, and the life scenario is formed.

The mental properties with which we are born are in an undeveloped state. That is, a child is like a small primitive person who has to develop to a level adequate to modern society. And our task is to help him with this. Childhood is the most important period for the development of the human psyche, since the development of vectors occurs before the end of adolescence (up to 16-17 years).

The most important condition for the proper development of a child is a sense of security and safety. First of all, he receives this feeling from his mother, secondly - from the general atmosphere in the family, from its other members. When the mother is calm and happy, when the family has a warm and trusting atmosphere, when the parents understand the innate qualities of the child, support him, value his opinion, then the child feels safe and grows and develops normally. But even the most favorable conditions for a child can be ruined by a cry.

Screaming is extremely stressful for a child, and for an adult too. The reasons for this lie in our psyche. Unconsciously, we perceive screaming as a signal of a threat to life. In ancient times, this role was performed by a person with an oral vector, shouting to warn everyone of the danger. When a person screams, the unconscious reacts instantly.

At this moment, our consciousness turns off, and the natural mechanism is launched - to save our life at any cost. A person turns into an animal capable of only one action - to preserve himself at all costs. In this state, he is able to jump up a tree in one second and not even remember about it later. After all, the adrenaline was off the charts, consciousness did not work, and therefore, memory.

What happens to a child when he is shouted at all the time? He is overstressed. He cannot think, cannot comprehend what is happening. Screaming is a mental attack that leads to psychological trauma, the most severe of which cannot be cured. If a child is constantly yelled at, then his fragile psyche stops developing. The child loses a sense of safety and security, especially if the mother yells at him, because it is from her that he should, first of all, receive a feeling of stability and protection.

Modern children have such a volume of psyche that it is easy to cause injury by screaming. Even if parents were able to stop yelling at their child, they can do this at school or in kindergarten. This cannot be allowed, it must be fought. The consequences of such overstress will not keep you waiting. Screaming prevents the development of any vectors. But the most severe consequences occur in children with a sound and/or visual vector.

Visual vector. Screaming is a direct road to fear

Children with a visual vector are the most emotional and impressionable. Only such children have an innate fear of death. And it can manifest itself in different ways. It is these children who are afraid of the dark, ask to leave the night light on, may be frightened by sudden movements, and burst into tears at the sight of a clown in the circus. With proper development, viewers learn to translate the emotion of fear for themselves, for their lives, into empathy, compassion and love for others. This is the only way they can stop fearing for themselves.

When exposed to screams, a visual child experiences intense fear for his life. In this state, its properties cannot develop. Exposure to screaming leads to a person forever remaining captive to the fears and phobias that poison his life. An emotional viewer may react to screaming with hysterics. So he splashes out the horror that grips him at this moment.

If a person with a visual vector spends his childhood in such conditions, then in adulthood it will not be easy for him to adapt to society. He may be prone to hysterics and suffer from the fact that it is difficult for him to express emotions. Although he could potentially realize his emotionality in sensual couple relationships, in the profession of a doctor or some other profession where empathy and compassion can be shown.

System-vector psychology shows that children react sharply even when they shout at another. They take it upon themselves, experiencing horror, an acute sense of vulnerability and insecurity. It is the visual child who will cry when they shout at his friend, especially when his father shouts at his mother. Scandalous scenes between parents can significantly impair the viewer's ability to create mature couple relationships in the future.

Sound vector. Autism and schizophrenia are just one cry away

A child with a sound vector is serious, silent, and thoughtful. The sound vector is the most introverted, therefore, for proper development, its owner needs silence and the opportunity to be alone and reflect. The sound artist will have to learn to focus not on himself, but on the world around him, and then on people. And only in silence can he learn to do this. If you provide your little son with the right conditions for development, he will have the opportunity to develop his abstract intelligence. It is sound engineers who are able to create brilliant ideas, comprehend the secrets of the universe, and be talented inventors.

The article was written based on training materials “ System-vector psychology»

Frequent scandals of parents can develop in a child a feeling of insecurity, uncertainty and even distrust of the world.

In this case, we are talking not only about conflicts over drunkenness or beatings, but also about ordinary showdowns, sometimes in a raised voice, and which occur in almost every family.

You can often hear from parents: “The child is still small and does not understand anything.” Is it so?

Psychologist Elena Krivoshta helped to understand this complex issue.

How dangerous are family scandals for a child? Perhaps there are some examples.

Family conflicts between parents have always had, and will continue to have, a great influence on the child’s psyche. It is very important to take into account the age characteristics of children, and the perception of such situations that clearly traumatize them. Children who grow up in families where conflicts between parents are resolved in their presence may experience:

Parental scandals can develop increased anxiety in a child, which will affect school performance;

Sleep disorders, including urinary and fecal incontinence (as a protest);

Parents' scandals lead to a lack of a sense of security, which will constantly resonate in social contacts; the child will either act out negative experiences on weaker children, or will himself be subject to pressure from stronger children;

A child may want to go outside so as not to see how one of the parents humiliates the other. This is how a desire for vagrancy may appear;

When there is a scandal between parents, children, especially boys, may feel guilty if dad beats mom or insults her. In this case, the feeling of guilt accumulates to such an extent that the child then experiences severe attacks of aggression. And since he cannot address them to the father (he feels weak or is afraid to resist), aggression can get out of control and spill over onto peers (there are cases where a child beat another child until he lost consciousness);

In the future, girls may not realize the desire to “measure strength” with their spouse and strive to suppress it, in order to take revenge on their father for their mother. Often spouses quarrel a lot, and after a while they cannot even remember the reasons for these quarrels. Here we are talking about the fact that childhood experience does not go away, it is superimposed on our adult life;

If a girl in childhood often witnessed strong conflicts between her parents, with beatings and humiliation from her father towards her mother, then subconsciously or consciously she will strive to be alone, without a partner. That is, she may be lonely.

If a boy often observed that his father offended his mother and did not agree with him, felt sorry for his mother and sympathized with her, this does not mean that he will be patient and affectionate with his wife. Very often, young people from such families continue their father’s behavior towards his wife. And at the same time they remember how painful it was for them, how unfair it seemed, and they can drink out of guilt.

There are many different ways when our negative childhood experiences are embodied in some modified form by us in adulthood, and often these are sad stories in which parental relationships continue. We copy the experience of our parents, although we suffered from it in childhood.

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Can scandals happen to a parent?and serve as the basis for the development of psychological pathologies in a child?

Yes and no. Here we can talk about both a negative influence (when a child sees the relationship between parents and in the future will build their relationships according to the same type: with quarrels, beatings, insults...), and a positive one, when a child seeing the relationship between parents will strive in his own way. family to other ways to resolve conflict situations (through discussions, consultations with specialists, getting advice from friends...).

The answer to this question has more to do with the individuality of the child; after all, we are not exact copies of our parents, which means that other ways of implementing behavior are allowed. The fact that such communication between parents is reflected in the child is clear. There are a lot of options for the development of pathologies, but whether they always develop in a child is impossible to say for sure. One child reacts to these parental scandals, another isolates himself and finds himself with his peers, a third receives support from his grandmother, a fourth immerses himself in reading books... The amplitude of disagreements in the family remains an important factor. In one family there are conflicts at the level of words, in another it is insults, in a third it is beatings and humiliation, in a fourth it is binge drinking and fights. Here we can say that when negative factors in large quantities or sufficient for a given child converge at one point, then we can observe the development of psychopathologies in the child. For example, the formation of such character traits as depression, negativism, irony, causticism, pessimistic perception of the world, distrust of the opposite sex on the verge of pathology, and more.

Is the child’s consciousness “encoded” to subsequently behave the way his parents behave? Namely: solve all problems through scandals and showdowns.

Very often yes. Children, like a sponge, absorb through their parents experiences related to behavior in specific situations, attitudes towards people, values, rules, morals and norms of the society in which their family lives. It is the parents who are the first to show how and what to do. Through their experiences they teach the child and shape his personality. If parents teach a child not to deceive, but they themselves often deceive, then such a child will know that deception is normal, because his parents taught this through their behavior.

It is also worth remembering that our DNA is largely composed of the experiences of our ancestors, so children are greatly influenced by their parents as an external factor where the form of behavior is demonstrated and an internal factor where the behavior and reactions encoded in the DNA are dictated. Therefore, it is important to protect the child from excessively negative information, not to overload his psyche, and strive to create conditions at home so that he feels protected and loved.

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How can a parent learn not to “break down” in the presence of a child?

For parents who want to raise a healthy personality, it is necessary to learn to communicate by signs and find alternatives so as not to make trouble and defuse the situation not in the presence of the child:

Wave your head - calling to go out;

Say some phrase that will be coded: for example, instead of: “...shut up, I’m sick of you!” "don't talk too much" can be used. Sometimes this makes the spouses smile, which is already therapeutic;

Postpone the conversation until later, when the child is asleep. This often works because emotions subside until the evening, and then a constructive conversation occurs;

It is useful for women to keep a diary of emotions, where you can write down everything you think about your husband or another person, and not carry it inside yourself;

One option is to buy a pear and when it boils over, release aggression on it;

If you have the opportunity to go to the gym, then your head can rest there.

What to do if you couldn’t “contain” the quarrel?

But if the issue required an urgent solution or emotional release, the spouses could not restrain themselves and a conflict took place, it is worth taking care of the child’s feelings and experiences and explaining to him that the parents are arguing about adult issues and that he has nothing to do with it. Perhaps apologize for the fact that the baby witnessed their disagreements. If the parents later reconciled, then it is worth demonstrating this to the child so that his internal tension goes away. For example, hold hands, or go drink tea together. At this moment, it is important not to promise that this will not happen again, so as not to suffer from remorse later. We are all, first of all, people, and therefore we are characterized by emotions.

Family scandals are a painful and sensitive issue. Parents should not put their ambitions first; they must remember that their unreasonable and thoughtless actions can lead to irreparable consequences for the child. In addition, such a showdown harms not only the child, but also every member of the family. Why such sacrifices? Everything in this life can be decided, the main thing is to want it!

Every family should be emotionally healthy. And if you follow the advice of our psychologist, you can not only save your children from mental pathologies and other things, but also learn to resolve all conflicts correctly, harmoniously and without shouting.

Valeria Leshchenko

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