Women in communication with men are not accustomed to speak directly, because the main tool of the fair sex is seduction, a sweet smile, female tricks and hints. The ladies understand each other perfectly, sometimes even surprised by the fact how sensitively they can react to the inconspicuous hints of a friend. But men often have different priorities, but their behavior has a genetic basis.
Why Men Don't Take Hints
Men's thinking is different because of the vast historical experience that the ancient hunters had many millennia ago. In those days, when there could still be no talk of any hints, the foundations of the male perception of the world were already being laid. The representative of the stronger sex most of his time was busy getting food for the family - hunting for wild animals. This activity was extremely dangerous, requiring great endurance and concentration. The main thing in it was one big goal - a mammoth, a bison, a bull, that is, any large animal. The male brain has since become accustomed to seeing one big goal and striving for its satisfaction. No interference, obstacles or hints can switch his brain to something else.
Women, on the other hand, were collectors. Their task was to see as many small targets as possible at once - fruits, berries, herbs, nuts. Therefore, they were forced to notice everything, to grasp information on the fly. And today, girls can draw conclusions from the mood of a partner, imperceptible from the outside, his awkwardly thrown word, and actions that are atypical for him.
The behavior of modern man has changed little since those ancient times. And today, men see concrete big goals in front of them: they need to get enough, relax, have fun, get work done. For women with their heightened emotional background and fragmentation of attention, everything is different: the husband did not thank for dinner, did not understand the hint about washing dishes and helping around the house - this is a reason for resentment.
How to behave with men
A woman should be wiser. Often she knows that the man does not understand the hints, but still continues to make them, wondering why the partner does not hear her. There is nothing surprising in this, a man needs to say everything directly. Moreover, not when the negative has already accumulated and all the unspoken reproaches will come off the tongue in order to kindle a big quarrel, but immediately. The husband and lover will not be offended by a direct request, they will immediately understand it and try to fulfill it. Both a woman and a man will benefit from such a state of affairs, because timely priorities, requests made and designated responsibilities will help keep peace in the relationship.
"I wonder when a woman called a man a vegetable,
what did she allude to?
That he is a hot pepper or a bald horseradish?
Men often complain about women's logic, but when it comes to hints, guys' logic "nervously smokes on the sidelines." Understanding by the strong sex of female hints occurs as in this anecdote.
The girl calls the guy and says:
D .: My parents went to the country today. Come to me.
P: What are we going to do?
D: Well, let's have a bottle of Martini.
P: And then?
D: Turn on the music and turn off the lights.
D: Let's dance and go to bed.
D: Like what? We will be intimacy until the morning!
P .: That's it, I understood the hint. I'm flying!
Why don't men take hints?
- Logic versus emotion. A well-known fact is that men are “left hemisphere logic”, while women are “controlled” by the right hemisphere, which gives them advantages over men in the form of more developed speech and a larger palette of emotions. Hence the great need for feelings, and tireless chatter, and allegoricalness. Moreover, due to this difference, women have more developed intuition, memory, and imaginative thinking. She can do a thousand things at the same time: hint, pout for not understanding the hint, and love in such a way that she would “kill the bastard if she could then revive him.”
- The costs of education. Men are taught from childhood to restrain their emotions. They are weakness. And when in adult life men see a manifestation of weakness in the form of women's tears, they are lost. They were not taught to feel sorry and navigate when a woman wants to be pitied, and when she tries to appear strong and consider pity as a humiliation. Therefore, they prefer to be told not in hints, but directly, what actions are expected of them.
- Male psychology. It is arranged differently than women's. Where a woman needs support and participation, a man needs absolute peace. Tired after exhausting work, a scandal with his superiors, traffic jams and God knows what problems that happened during the day, he is unlikely to hear a hint. He even hears the truth in the forehead with difficulty. It’s better not to pester a man who is in a state of “leave me, old woman, I’m sad.” He definitely will not solve women's puzzles.
- survival instinct. Nature made sure that the man saw the goal to the "mammoth" and did not see the details that distract from the main thing. In women, on the contrary, attention is focused on the little things in order to see the whole picture and better “orientate themselves on the ground”. That is why men are bad at distinguishing nuances, details, shades of colors, emotions, words and moods. It is useless to expect from a man that he will understand why a woman walks all evening with pursed lips and is silent. However, in her understanding, this is an eloquent allusion to the wedding anniversary he forgot.
- A hint without a hint. After numerous "bumps" from unrecognized hints, men try to recognize hints where there are none. But again, by, and again a bump from the same “forest” appears: “You don’t understand me! And I never understood! And how can men understand what exactly is a hint from what has been said, what is a half-hint, what is half-truth, and what is the truth? And how do they know what is urgent and important in the understanding of a woman; what is urgent, but not so important; what is important, but not at all urgent; and what is not important, and not urgent?
It is believed that men do not understand hints. Wherever you look, whoever you ask, especially women, everywhere they write: - "They don't understand", many say: - "They need to speak directly."
In some cases, perhaps this is true, in those when a man does not care, or he just thinks about something else now and does not pay attention to what the woman says. Often a man understands hints, one “BUT” interferes - doubt.
One of the fears of men is not to disgrace themselves in front of a woman, not to end up in a situation “What are you doing? Moron". Not every man can explain this or admit that he doubts and is afraid to goof off. This is probably why he takes the position “Speak directly, I don’t understand hints.” Men think it’s better to let her say directly what she needs than to doubt: “Is this what she wants?”, “And if I do it now, but it turned out she didn’t hint at all?”
Yes, and women forget that they give some hints at the level of their thinking, but it differs from men's. Then they are offended that the man did not do what he was hinted at. Sometimes it would be useful for women to look at their hints from the outside. Put yourself in the place of the person to whom the hint is addressed, and try to figure out what they want from you, while not forgetting that the other person thinks differently and most likely is not a psychic.
Women often create such situations themselves when they themselves made a hint, and the man understood and reacted to it. But women suddenly start behaving in exactly the opposite way, well, she's like - should be a mystery. For some reason, women believe that a man should read her thoughts, and guess everything himself. Naturally, a man may have an unpleasant feeling that he was mistaken. He showed himself not from the best side in front of her, although he seemed to understand the hint and did everything right.
Of course, in the future, he will no longer show and respond to such female hints, such is the male essence. This does not always mean that a man ignores a woman, and he does not care, or she is indifferent to him. Often this is just a doubt: “Have I understood correctly and will I do the right thing?”. Therefore, it is easier and safer to pretend that you did not understand the hint than to expose yourself to ridicule.
Most men understand women's hints, but either do not want to respond, or are afraid of being embarrassed. And all because of such women who once, having received what they wanted, still behaved inappropriately, and for a man this became an unpleasant experience.
There can be many reasons, the result is one, men, understanding the hints, but not reacting to them because of their doubts, themselves created the myth that "Men do not understand hints, they need to speak directly."
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Trying to figure out if a girl likes you is not an easy task. Signs can be subtle, and if misunderstood, everything can be destroyed. But even if she tries to hint at her feelings herself, some still manage to miss this hint, no matter how obvious it may be. Here are 15 stories, the heroes of which only confirmed the stereotype that men need to say everything directly. Have you been in similar situations? 😉
1.
One day in high school, I walked into the classroom, a friend of mine, a very pretty girl, came up to me and said: “Do you know that Rodrigo and I broke up?” I replied, "I'm so sorry!" — and went on.
Then I spent the whole evening thinking about this situation. Why did I hear about it from her? Why did she choose to tell me this? Why was she smiling when she spoke?The next time I met her, I asked her what she was doing on the weekends. She replied, “Nothing. Do you want to go to the cinema?" Only then did I understand what was happening. At this point, I turned away from the date. And, as it turns out, families.
2.
A few years ago, I lived with my then-boyfriend. Being in a playful mood, I suggested that he take a joint shower, well, like saving water there and all that. Do you know what he answered? "Why? We don't pay for it." It would be better to be silent.
3.
A girl kisses me in a dark bedroom at her birthday party. Whispers: "You'd better leave before we do something stupid." I nodded and left.
4.
I didn't see the obvious, did I?
Talked to a girl in a bar out of town. We found out that I am 32 cm taller than her. She said, “Funny. Tomorrow I was just going on a date with a guy who is 32 cm taller than me. I think the meeting will be hot! My answer? "Mm, weird coincidence."
I only realized when I was on the plane, flying home.
5.
She approached her boyfriend.
Me: “That suit suits you so well! But it would look even better on the floor.”
Guy: “But then he will remember!”
6.
She: “There is a free space in my tent, if you want, join!”
Me: "Thanks, I have mine."
That's why my friends say I'm slow.
7.
We lie in the dark in my room, watch TV. 2am. She begins to paint her lips with a strawberry-flavored gloss.
Me: "Why are you wearing makeup?"
Her: “This strawberry gloss tastes so good…”
Me: "Haha, you're weird."
Her: "Do you want to try?"
Me: "No, I already know what he is."
Remembering this at night, I begin to hate myself.
8.
We correspond.
Her: "Are you going to the party?"
Me: “Not likely. It will most likely be boring."
Her: "Yeah.. I think I'll stay at home."
Me: "Maybe that's a good idea"
She: “Well, yes. Moreover, I will be here alone, the rest are gone.
Me: “Lucky, I always have someone.”
She: “In short, I will be at home, completely alone. Since the party is so-so.
I am OK".
9.
Once I corresponded with my boyfriend, said that I bought a vibrator in case he works at night and so on. He replied, verbatim: “Oh, cool, what color?”. I sent a photo, he replied: “Can it be in the ass too?”. Me: Come and check it out. After 2 minutes, he replies: “Come on, I already googled.”
10.
A few years ago, I volunteered at my school for an elementary school celebration. He was dressed as a big bear, the symbol of the school. It was pretty boring, and I felt like some kind of pedophile when the children hugged me, burying their faces in the belt because of their height and all the time spinning around. My shift was already coming to an end when a girl of my age (17 years old) ran up to me, tore off my doll's head and ran away. I wasn't going to pay for the damn bear head if she didn't give it back, so I gave chase. She ran into an empty classroom, where the lights were off and the curtains were tightly drawn, and said, “Oh, look, Mr. Bear, I have your head in my hands, what a bad girl I am.” It pissed me off that she took it away, and without noticing the hint at all, I took the head, yelled “CHILDREN NEED ME!!!” and dropped out of class.
11.
Once I stayed overnight with a friend whom I really liked. This was the first time we had to sleep in the same bed. Her: “Just so you know, you can’t sleep in jeans in my bed. You'll have to take them off." Me: "Strange rule, no, let them stay on me."
It's still embarrassing.
12.
My friend was working on his doctoral dissertation, he was very busy, I only saw him once every few weeks. There was a very nice girl next to him, they often saw each other, despite the fact that he was writing a doctoral thesis, and she was busy with her master's work. They constantly corresponded, went to dinner together, it was quite obvious that they were dating, both seemed to me similar and very interesting people.
I met him when he was completing his work and asked him what his future plans were. He replied that he wanted to invite her to meet. This confused me, because I thought that they had been dating for at least six months. When asked if he slept with her, he replied that yes, every time she stayed with him for the night, and this is 5 days a week. Did you go somewhere together? Yes, I took him to a cafe. Do you like talking to her? Yes, I like to talk to her always and about everything. I say: "Friend, all this looks suspiciously like a relationship, don't you think?"
And then he says: “Ah, then this explains this to me!” and shows her SMS: “We have half a year, congratulations! :D". Even after that, he wasn't sure. Yes, my friend is a brake. But they are still together.
13.
One day a girl asked if she could use my shower and left the door wide open as an invitation. I decided to show myself as a funny guy and started throwing ice cubes at her. I have no forgiveness.
14.
Girl: "Let's go talk in a quieter place?"
Me: "Yes, it's not so noisy here, speak up."
Yes, I'm just a certified dumbass.
15.
Me: "You know, you're cute, I like you. Highly".
Him: "Um, thanks."
Having come to terms with my unrequited love, I decided that I was still glad to be his friend.
After 3 months, he had a chance to calm me down for hours after unpleasant events, and in the end he said that he really liked me for half a year. When I asked him why he didn't say anything when I confessed my feelings to him, he said, "Well, I wasn't sure you liked me."
"He does not understand me. We speak different languages. When I feel bad, he will never come up, hug and pity me. It feels like he does not hear me." Familiar? Probably every woman complained about her partner like that or heard from her friends.
My practice as a family psychologist shows that such claims occur in almost all families. Lack of understanding is one of the main reasons for divorce. But, dear women, do you really think that we do not want a harmonious relationship? Believe me, it is very important for us that the woman who is next to us feel happy.
Indeed, a man understands little in women. It is hardly possible to find a woman who will say that my man always understands me in everything. And, of course, on the contrary - women understand little in men. Otherwise you wouldn't be constantly trying to change us.
We are different
It is impossible to deny: we are different at the physiological and psychological level. We see, hear, perceive and process information differently. We have different priorities and different values. But we cannot live without each other, and we are drawn to each other.
Attempts to remake a partner usually lead to disappointment or a breakdown in the relationship. But what cannot be altered, you can try to understand. Let's look at what is most often misunderstood.
Talk to me!
This is probably one of the most terrible phrases for a man - the signal immediately turns on: "About what? Why? Something's wrong. So something needs to be done. What exactly?"
For the most part, men are left-hemispheric, i.e. logic. In women, the right hemisphere, which is responsible for emotions and speech, "works", and the connection between the hemispheres is better by 25-30%. Therefore, if a man functions more like a switch - thinks or remembers, feels or analyzes, then a woman can do it at the same time. Because of this, it is believed that women have a better developed memory and intuition - she can easily move from one topic to another and "chat" for hours.
In a stressful situation, with fatigue, we need different things - a woman needs to talk, and a man needs to be silent. When a woman begins to speak out, the process itself is important to her. We focus on the solution - what needs to be done?
And when it seems to us that it is already clear what the problem is, we begin to advise what and how to do it. That's exactly what you're talking about. We understand the situation literally - if a woman complains about something, then we need to help her. And this is our global mistake - you do not need this!
Yes, as a rule, you yourself know perfectly well what needs to be done. But how do we know what you want just talk? Why not directly say: "I don't need your advice right now. Just listen to me."
Husband is not a friend. In "to get worn out" we are bad helpers. You women enjoy the very process of conversation. You immediately catch the hidden meaning. And we are annoyed by the lack of logic, the abundance of unnecessary details and the lack of meaning of the conversation. Therefore, it is better for everyone when women communicate heart to heart with their girlfriends, and men with friends.
For you, communication is a pleasure at the level of shopping. Two or three hours, and you feel happy and at peace, even if you didn’t buy anything or the conversation was of no practical use. But understand - it tires us. For your sake, we are ready to endure, but not for long.
Have pity on me!
Another "terrible" phrase that drives a man into a stupor, and some of us think that "I'd rather talk"… Because we don't know how regret. Love - yes, respect - yes, listen - please. And to regret ... At this moment, the man becomes helpless, like a child.
We know how to express our love through care - bring a mammoth, protect from enemies ... This is understandable. Simple criteria - can or can't, did or didn't. Regret is something else. Remember, is there anything about "regret" in the upbringing of a future man? More like "give in, forgive, be the first to apologize ..."
And what does the woman herself invest in this? What does she mean by regret? Usually one very simple thing. Here, say: Give me a hug.
Very good and correct phrase! And, most importantly, understandable! We generally need clear instructions - believe me, everything will be much easier.
Please say these words more often, when you feel like it, and we will try. Just do not expect hugs during a scandal, when emotions are running high and rude words or accusations were made - at this moment it is hard for us to step over emotions and hug the woman we love. We know it usually helps, but when you're mad at a person, it's hard to touch them. Yes, and remember for yourself how you reacted to timid attempts to touch you during a quarrel. A woman is usually rejected, and a man does not want or is afraid to make another attempt later.
And very in vain! When a person is stroked or hugged, he releases oxytocin, the hug hormone. It reduces fatigue in women, reduces emotional and physical arousal, makes a woman more calm and peaceful.
Oxytocin is also called the attachment hormone. Especially a lot of it is produced in a woman during childbirth, thereby forming a special bond with the child. Likewise while breastfeeding. Therefore, women who have made a caesarean are recommended to apply the child to themselves more often and longer.
It is clear that we do not have such a mechanism. Some men produce oxytocin in minimal doses, so they have little or no ability to bond with women on a physical level. At the moment when the passion in the relationship passes, and the hormonal surge should be replaced by oxytocin, which binds people together, such a man has nothing, and he easily breaks up.
We can say that the calmness in the house depends on the level of oxytocin - it comes to the "foreground" when the passion in the relationship passes, and the feeling of security, respect and trust becomes more important. Therefore, it is useful to sit next to you more often, do massage, etc.
Why are you silent?
Male silence usually worries a woman. She thinks something happened. She perceives silence as coldness, begins to worry, come up with some situations, wind herself up, etc.
Remember how in the joke:
"I stand in the bathroom in the morning, I shave ...
Wife from the room:
- Here's a fashion show on TV ... What kind of girls do you like?
Wife from the room:
- Probably, with a thin figure and large breasts?
I stand, I shave - I hear nothing ...
Wife from the room:
- You are like all men, you just show your chest - and you go to the left!
I stand, I shave - I hear nothing ...
Wife from the room:
- You drag behind any skirt!
I stand, I shave - I hear nothing ...
Wife from the room:
“And why the hell did I marry you, such a debauchee?!”
I shaved, I go out - I get into a scandal! If I had shaved for another 5 minutes, I would have come out divorced!
Dear women, if we are silent, then it's all right or it doesn't matter.
When it is hard for a man (he is tired, he solves some important problem for himself), he needs to be alone. If your partner came home from work tired, in a not very good mood, do not dump on him from the threshold that the boss is a fool, the saleswoman was rude, the child brought a deuce, and the cat went to the carpet.
Give him the opportunity to first be alone for at least 20-30 minutes. Well, if he lies down in a dark room. After a while, he will come out of there rested and "ready" to act. Otherwise, the cat may not be greeted, and a bad mood for the whole evening is guaranteed.
A man talks about his problem only if he needs help. But if the decision depends only on him, then what is the point of sharing it? The man is talking to himself. Therefore, we are silent and think until we find a way out.
For a woman, on the contrary, in order to relax, it is necessary to tell in detail about what worries her. Sharing worries will make her feel better. In this sense, the recipe for a happy family life is for a man to be able to listen, and for a woman to respect his privacy.
Of course, silence is also a punishment, and as a reluctance to talk about what does not suit us. After all, one has only to succumb to the “tell me” persuasion, and in most cases you don’t even have time to finish the thought, as you begin to get angry. It's better to remain silent. Well, or let us finish, if you so wanted to hear it.
Can't you see?
Yes, we do not see "right under our noses" yogurt in the refrigerator and socks in the closet! And you can’t park properly and get lost in three pines.
The fact is that by nature we see differently. The woman is a collector. Her task was not to miss something edible under her feet and to see the danger in time to avoid it. Therefore, your peripheral vision is better developed in order to notice all the details as much as possible and evaluate what is happening around.
The man is a hunter, so we have "tunnel vision". The main thing is to see the goal in the distance and achieve it without being distracted by trifles. Hence the different perception of "purity". Believe me, when we say "pure" and "I'm fine" - this is true, and not because of laziness or a desire to annoy you.
We see colors differently. Men are less able to distinguish shades of yellow, green and blue. We've had enough of the colors of the rainbow. We have three types of blue - blue, dark blue and light blue. But eggplant is a vegetable! Carnation is a flower, peach is juice, pumpkin is pie, indigo is something about children, and aquamarine is a mineral of the beryl group, aluminum beryllosilicate!
The attitude to nuances, details and various shades of words, situations, actions is also connected with this. A man often does not attach much importance to some things that cause a lot of emotions in a woman. We sincerely do not understand: what is “not important” for us, “not important” and “does not matter”, for you is a “tragedy”. But we are ready to take your word for it if you explain that this is important to you.
Do something!
Men don't take hints. Your "something" can be "anything". And we have already remembered and learned the lesson that it is not worth climbing with advice on how to "correctly". And more than once they did something according to their own understanding and turned out to be guilty.
Just explain what you are missing. But remember: everything that we are already doing for you is also a manifestation of love. The male decision will certainly be different from expectations because there are several games that you love so much. For example, " I'm cold!"
It would seem, well, what can be incomprehensible here? A man hears that his beloved woman is cold, jumps up to do something, and "freezes": what does she want? What should I do - bring a blanket, close the window, make hot tea or just hug her?
Indefinite wording is one of the most common causes of resentment and misunderstanding. You usually know what you want. So why not say it directly? Men need clear directions!
But here the next level of an exciting game is turned on: "Guess yourself".
Why do women love to play this game so much? You probably know better yourself. But it is unlikely that you will ever confess ... It is clear that few people love to admit their weakness; that you want to be taken care of "just like that"; that many do not like to ask at all, so as not to feel "owed".
But do you realize how much of this is from manipulation? Why not say it straight? We can't read minds! Or are you punishing us in this way for something so that we "suffer"? So maybe we don't even know that we offended you.
It is very interesting to play such games. But ask yourself what is more important for you - to play and maybe even win, or to get what you want?
You're offended? Not! Strongly? Yes!
Believe me, we do not always hurt on purpose. We may not notice your mood and joke unsuccessfully, we may not attach importance to what is so important to you now. Remember, we don't take hints. We do not understand half hints either! But if we hear that you are offended or hurt, we will definitely try to "atone for our guilt."
Here to the right! No, to the left!
I told you how to! You can't do anything right! Come on, I'm better on my own! Continue to communicate with us in the same spirit, but do not be surprised that a man will do less and less.
Have you ever asked yourself: "And how could he even live to see you?" We are respected at work, appreciated by friends, we have achieved something in life. Why doesn't the closest person trust us?
Relax! Stop being so controlling! We can peel potatoes, mop the floor and change the baby's diaper. Yes, most likely we will not do it as well as you. So what? It is vitally important for a man to feel needed and useful.
Please trust us and don't overthink. We'll manage! And you just praise later, even if it didn’t work out very well. After all, you also sometimes oversalt borscht, and we eat it and praise it.
Do you love me?
I wonder what answer you expect? Of course yes. If I'm next to you, what other options could there be?
And we know you probably want to hear it more often. But, understand, we do not like to say - it's easier to do something.
I just said
Please be careful what and when you say. You already know that the main thing for us is action, and any situation is perceived as a problem that needs a solution.
In the original plan of the article, this paragraph was not. But while writing it, his wife passed by and dropped the phrase: "The flower needs to be transplanted, I can no longer look at it without tears." Here it is, in passing.
But it immediately turns on in me: "What need to do?" In principle, there are two options - drop everything and go for the land, or throw the flower to hell! There is another one - to quarrel with his wife: "Can't you see that I'm busy, I'm working, I don't care about this flower now! Do I have to quit everything now and ..." What and?
Thank God, this story is repeated year after year. And I already know that I don't have to do anything now. It will be enough later in the store to remind her to buy land. So I just nod my head in agreement.
What if you didn't know? They would definitely fight. And she would be offended because: “I didn’t mean to go somewhere and do something right now. And I didn’t mean to distract you at all. I justsaid".
You may not notice, but believe me, we hear such "non-committal phrases" dozens of times a day. If a woman does not have an interlocutor, she still communicates. Aloud. By itself, with a TV or dishes in the kitchen.
We react for a while, and then we stop. because "Pay no attention, it's just me - thinking out loud." And so we just nod in agreement, ignoring everything. Until the hour of reckoning comes, when a woman already in her heart says: What, don't you hear? I've said this 100 times already!
This usually happens completely unexpectedly for us, but it is quite logical for you. Of course, we feel guilty at this moment, but we are also angry! Yes, that's what we listened to - how do we know that from everything you said:
- urgent and important;
- urgent but not important;
- important, but not urgent;
- not urgent and not important.
What a good word - plan. Please prioritize. After all, almost everything can be agreed in advance. You just tell us what you want to be done. And, just in case, ask: "When?" This is so we don't get discouraged.
Ah, look how beautiful!
Well looked. Yes - it's beautiful. Let's move on. Oh, do you need to feed the swans? Of course, dear. Do you want to go to Sigulda, walk through the fallen leaves or watch the sunset at the sea? No problem! But just don't expect much joy. We will do it, but we will still look at the clock, estimate expenses, think about beer, missed the match or repairing the car.
We know you want romance. Therefore, they promised once to "give a star." This is fine. It was. During the period of love. When everything is in "pink" colors, when the soul trembles, when you want to believe in miracles and it seems that this is for life. This is inherent in nature - you should like us. Like peacocks that spread their tails in front of their peacocks during the mating season. The state of falling in love, when the negative qualities of a partner are not noticed, and the positive ones are exaggerated, is necessary for a quick and close rapprochement of people. Those of us who do not know how to do this are dying out, they have no chance of procreation. So we observe this obligatory ritual during courtship.
In fact, we also like to "carry beautiful nonsense." It was a wonderful time, the memory of which then warms the soul and unites the couple. But falling in love passes, and real life begins, we try to provide you with everything you need.
Please try to understand - we are realists. It is difficult for us to earn money and read poetry, to be both a demanding boss and a reverent lover.
Do not demand the impossible from us, and you will have fewer disappointments. Don't ask: "Love Me All Your Life", - ask specifically: "Sit close, hug, listen."
Say what you want right now, not: Let's go somewhere!
"Come on. Where? - I don't know. Think of something." Everything! If a man does not have a "blank" - the scandal is guaranteed. But wait, it’s something you want, it doesn’t suit you to sit at home today, it’s you who want to go somewhere. Please! We are ready. But is it really so hard to say what exactly? Unfortunately, yes, because often: She doesn't know what she wants!
This phrase is usually thrown in the hearts when they are already completely tired of fruitless attempts to please you and do something good. How often do women themselves understand and realize what they want?
I do not know that. And I'm not sure that many of you honestly admit. And then it turns out that all these games "guess yourself", "do something" and the inability to talk about your desires - for a reason. Sometimes there is a good reason for this.
It is believed that on a subconscious level, in a partner, a person is looking for an ideal mother. More precisely, everything that was not received in childhood - love, attention, care, safety, etc. The desire is understandable, but unrealizable - what belongs to the level of child-parents cannot be compensated at the level of husband-wife.
Harmonious relations can only be if the partners are on an equal footing. As soon as a man turns into a "dad" for a woman, or a woman becomes a "mother" for her man, after a while both partners will feel anger, resentment and disappointment.
A partner will never be able to fully compensate for your missing dad or mom. All my clients who complain about the dissatisfaction of their relationship with their husbands said something like this: “I want him to take me in his arms, put me on his knees, hug me tightly, stroke him and take pity on me. Then I would feel small, calm and happy.” What does it look like? For husband and wife? Or father and daughter?
It is dad who gives the girl a feeling of complete, unconditional and non-judgmental acceptance, which over time should become a woman's inner self-awareness. If she did not have it, she tries to get this feeling in contact with a man. And he doesn’t get it, no matter how hard he tries - no man can replace dad or mom.
And when we, feeling this female longing and need, out of love for a woman, try to please her. And for some time we live, as it were, "on tiptoe", i.e. trying to be a little better, a little more. It doesn't lead to anything. Whatever we do, it will be either "wrong" or "wrong". Then comes fatigue and irritation. The woman also feels offended and dissatisfied.
There is only one way out - to admit that the husband is not a dad, and he cannot give all what you want. It is necessary to share your childhood expectations and "take" from your man, like a woman. Look - he is not a mother and not a father, not a girlfriend and not a child. He is your man. Once upon a time, you chose it yourself. Once he was the best. Remember this more often. Don't try to change it. Accept him for who he is. After all, he was once good enough for you.