In early May, the Russian media and the blogosphere actively discussed the story of 17-year-old Luiza Goylabieva from the Chechen village of Baitarki, who was allegedly married against her will to a high-ranking security official in her sixties. According to rumors, the girl, contrary to Russian laws, was to become a second wife. As this news grew into details, it turned out that no one seemed to have forced the bride into marriage, and the groom was not as old as they said about him. Moreover, it turned out that neither the head of the republic, Ramzan Kadyrov, nor even the commissioner for children's rights Pavel Astakhov, known for his uncompromising defense of children's rights, see any problems for marriage.

Essence of events

The journalist of Novaya Gazeta Elena Milashina was the first to tell about the imminent wedding of Louise Goylabieva. According to her, relatives of Kheda (as the girl is called in the family) turned to her for help. They reported that the 57-year-old (according to another version, he was 46 years old), the head of the Nozhai-Yurtovsky District Department of Internal Affairs, Nazhud Guchigov, wanted to take Louise as his second wife. At first, the parents flatly refused to marry their daughter to him. However, Guchigov allegedly set up posts throughout the village so that the girl would not be taken away from the republic.

Elena Milashina claims that Goylabieva was really going to marry, but for another - for a young man with whom she met recently. As confirmation of this version, she refers to appeal Louise's sister to Ramzan Kadyrov. The message says that the bride herself and members of her family are against unequal marriage, and ask the head of the republic to stand up for the honor of a young girl who liked an influential old man.

According to Milashina, the news about Guchigov's matchmaking caused a great resonance in the village, but the situation did not escalate into an open conflict. Like, the alignment of forces is too obvious, and the outcome of such a confrontation is known in advance: no one will go against the chief policeman of the Nozhai-Yurt district. However, thanks to the scandal caused by the publication, the wedding, scheduled for May 2, was canceled.

What the law says

On May 2, the wedding was not appointed by chance. According to Russian law, in exceptional cases (for example, the bride's pregnancy), marriage is possible from the age of 16 with the consent of local authorities. However, as State Duma deputy from Chechnya Shamsail Saraliyev explained, the minimum age for marriage in the republic has been raised to 17 years. This is due to the tough position of Ramzan Kadyrov, who decided to stop the practice of marriages with minors. Louise turned 17 just on May 1st.

According to some reports, Guchigov was going to take Louise as his second wife. This Islamic custom is widespread in Chechnya, although it is impossible to formalize such a marriage officially. The Russian Constitution, the Family Code and the Federal Law "On acts of civil status" do not recognize families with three or more spouses. However, polygamy is also not criminalized. Adults have the right to decide for themselves with whom and how to arrange their family life. But according to Russian laws, Louise is not yet an adult. If you believe media reports, it turned out that Guchigov simply takes a minor as a concubine.

How did the authorities react?

Nazhud Guchigov himself decisively denied information about his imminent wedding, as well as all accusations of trying to force someone to marry. Guchigov is also aware of the ban on marriage with minors in Chechnya. “I know about Ramzan Kadyrov's ban. How can it be broken? What second wife are you talking about? Right here with me is my first and only wife, whom I love very much, with whom I have lived all my life! I don’t know any Kheda and I don’t plan any wedding on May 2, ”Guchigov said.

Information about the scandalous wedding was also denied by the children's rights commissioner in the Chechen Republic, Khamzat Khirakhmatov. He said that he sent his assistants to Baytarki, and they did not confirm Milashina's information. “They talked with this girl in this village. In my opinion, this is someone's order to the head of the police department. They even laugh, there are no facts, no one is going to get married, the girl graduated from school and is now preparing for exams,” Khirakhmatov said.

The head of the republic, Ramzan Kadyrov, unexpectedly added intrigue, disavowing, in fact, the statements of Guchigov and Khirakhmatov. The local Vainakh TV channel showed a story in which the head of Chechnya confirms the upcoming marriage. “I personally sent people to find out if she (Louise - approx. "Tapes.ru") or not. And her mother said that the girl agreed! And paternal grandfather gave his word and consent! And everything is completed on this issue! That's what they say! I sent the most trusted person, and we led to an explanatory conversation."

Photo: Komsomolskaya Pravda / Russian Look

At the same time, Kadyrov did not comment on the violation of his own ban on marriage with minors. As well as the fact that the "groom" is already married.

What the bride and her relatives said

On the morning of May 12, LifeNews circulated a statement by Luiza Goylabieva herself. As it turned out, both the girl and her family are not at all against the wedding and plan to play it in the next month.

"He's a good man ... Courageous, reliable," Louise answers questions about why she decided to marry someone who is much older than her. The age difference does not bother her. According to Louise, she has been talking with Nazhud Guchigov for about a year. During this time, she rejected the courtship of several young people, and agreed to Guchigova's proposal.

As it turned out, the head of the Nozhai-Yurt District Department of Internal Affairs was guarding the school where Luiza took final exams a year ago. Having met, Louise and Najud began to communicate by phone, and a year later he got married and set a date for the wedding.

The uncle of the young bride, Nuradi Goylabiev, said that when Guchigov's people came to woo, he and other relatives asked Louise and her mother for consent. “If they agree, we will give the floor. If there is no consent, no, says the uncle. - We asked the girl, the mother. They agree. And we gave the answer - we agree.

In a conversation with the girl and her relatives, the journalists did not raise the topic of bigamy. However, from the last phrase of Louise, it can be understood that, in her opinion, Guchigov is divorced.

What did the children's ombudsman do

Presidential Commissioner for Children's Rights Pavel Astakhov declined to make personal comments. In his press service, this was explained by heavy employment and stated that the Ombudsman did not receive relevant appeals. “There were no official appeals from the girl, her parents or relatives. We are "not forcibly protected," the press service explained. - In the Russian Federation, marriage is possible only voluntarily. They ask about this when registering a marriage. The fact that the marriage with the second wife is concluded without official registration did not embarrass Astakhov's representatives.

The wedding of a modest 17-year-old Chechen girl Kheda (Louiza) Goylabieva on Saturday, May 16, with a man almost three times her age, the head of the Nozhai-Yurtovsky District Department of Internal Affairs in Chechnya, Nazhud Guchigov, became the subject of fierce debate.

They started with the fact thatGoylabieva is not getting married of her own free will, while Guchigov already has a wife. Guchigov himself at first said that he had a wife and he did not need a second one. However, it soon became clear that the wedding would take place, and all the protests of the public did not give any result.Commissioner for Children's Rights in Russia Pavel Astakhov said before that early marriages in Chechnya do not contradict the Russian Family Code and said the phrase "In the Caucasus, emancipation and puberty occur earlier, let's not be hypocrites. There are places where women are shriveled at the age of 27, and by our standards they are under 50", for who was later forced to apologize.In Chechnya, in turn, officials said that public attention to the fate of Goylabiyeva was an interference in her personal life, that Guchigov did not have a marriage stamp in his passport, and that the bride agreed to marry him. The wedding was attended by the head of Chechnya, Ramzan Kadyrov. TV channel Lifenews showed a report from the registry office under the heading "Wedding of the Century".

The wedding itself, however, only raised new doubts. They paid attention to the fact that instead of a relative, the bride was led by Kadyrov's close associate, that the bride herself did not give the impression of being happy (which, however, could be heard that this is a tradition, Chechen brides do not show joy).

A member of the Human Rights Council under the President of Russia, a journalist who worked a lot in Chechnya, draws attention to the oddities in the ceremony:

- Today it became known that yesterday's marriage was registered not by an employee of the Grozny registry office, but journalist of the Grozny radio "Grozny" Asya Belova. It was very difficult to imagine such a thing. I noticed yesterday that what a beautiful woman, stately, speaks Russian well, behaves well in front of the cameras, wow, what kind of registry office workers they have. I didn’t even have such an idea that it was all staged, but it was all staged. Now the question, which, I believe, law enforcement agencies should deal with, is this marriage legal, which was concluded yesterday by journalist Asya Belova.

How legal is this marriage?

​– It seems that Chechnya lives in a completely different legal space, separate from Russia.

- Kadyrov does whatever he wants. We talked, and I also wrote, turned to Kadyrov, what - will it be a wedding with a visit to the registry office? So they stopped at the registry office and absolutely made a show, a fiction, this marriage was allegedly concluded. Now the question is: how legal is this marriage? As for whether Guchigov is married or not. If we make a request now, the media will make a request, we may be denied, because this is personal data. But since this man, in an interview with Elena Milashina on April 30, said that he has a wife whom he loves, has been living with her for many years and is not going to divorce, this meant that the person has a wife. And now, when he says that he is not married to her, well, we will assume that he was married to her according to Muslim laws. And now he divorced her or what? Or did he bring a kind of legal, and now not very legal, second wife Kheda into the house - is this polygamy?

It was clear from this photo that this was violence against a girl

- Chechnya has its own opinion about this, apparently, they do not change it.

- They are changing him to Ramzan Kadyrov, they are changing everything to Ramzan Kadyrov. For example, according to Chechen traditions, the groom does not have the right to attend his own wedding, he only returns to the house at night. Nevertheless, yesterday Nazhud Guchigov, together with his eldest son, which is generally wonderful, was at this wedding, was present when Ramzan Akhmadovich danced lezginka and so on. That is, the groom was at his wedding - this is contrary to Chechen traditions. As for the bride, she lowered her eyes to the floor. I have been to many Chechen weddings and it really looks a little strange for Russian people that during their own wedding the bride stands in the corner, and everyone else sits at the table, eats and celebrates this day. I saw happy brides. She could lower her gaze a little, but that does not mean that she is standing with a look of doom, as Kheda stood yesterday. It’s just a pity for her, it was impossible to look when she received her passport and a small wedding bouquet and this passport fell out of her hands. It was all clear from this photo that this was violence against the girl, that this marriage and this groom were not dear to her - it was all clear, there was no need to explain anything. And then, where was the girl's father, where is the girl's grandfather? Why the bride was led by Magomed Daudov, his call sign is "Lord", the right hand of Kadyrov. Why weren't they the girl's next of kin? This is the wedding that Kadyrov needed, and he organized it, he did it. He needed to show once again who is the master of Chechnya - he showed. But he showed, disfiguring the fate of the girl.

- In Moscow, there was just a flurry of reactions, public opinion was quite obviously on the side of the girl, there were protests, human rights activists spoke out. And despite this, the wedding takes place. Previously, public opinion could influence something, now there is a feeling that it is impossible to influence in any way, and vice versa, public opinion actually led Kadyrov to take such a tough position. Guchigov said in an interview with a journalist a few days ago that he was happily married, was not going to marry anyone else, and then once - and the wedding takes place.

– This wedding would have happened in any case, it would just have happened quietly, and there would not have been this performance in the registry office. He would simply take her as a second wife, bring her to the house where his first wife is. Kheda, the unfortunate girl, would have been just a slave in this house, that's all. In fact, no Muslim customs, Sharia laws are observed in Chechnya. In order for a man to take a second wife, he must ask permission from his first wife. He owes his wives, first, second, third, fourth, if he has them, to provide the same living conditions. That is, for each there should be a separate house, there should be the same financial well-being, he should pay the same amount of time to his wives. All this is not followed. I must say that in every Muslim republic, in every Muslim country, men interpret Sharia law in the way they need, in the way that suits them. Therefore, if it were not for this noise, this marriage would still take place. Just now, after this noise has risen, Kadyrov decided to register this marriage. But in the end it was a show. It's just a slap in the face to all of us: if you wanted - get it, here's a show for you.

I will ask my fellow lawyers at the Human Rights Council to analyze the situation

Is it possible to influence such situations? You are a member of the Human Rights Council under the President of Russia, I am sure that many lawyers are ready to speak out, human rights activists, the appeal can be to anyone, up to Vladimir Putin. Is it possible to make sure that such situations do not happen again in the future?

- I think that no one is guaranteed that such things will not be repeated. Novaya Gazeta journalist Yelena Milashina became aware of this case, and how many such situations pass quietly, silently. Wealthy and in power, Chechen men actually take young girls as concubines. The point of protection of the rights of minors is important here. What Astakhov said, that he was supposed to protect the rights of children, he refused to do it, he actually supported Kadyrov's position. It's just amazing what kind of commissioner for children's rights. Because even if the lowest threshold for marriage is set in some republics, as in Chechnya, for example, 17 years old, this does not mean that everyone has the opportunity to get married at 17 years old, there must be exceptional conditions - pregnancy, childbirth or cohabitation , housekeeping. This was not the case in this situation. The guardianship authorities of the Nozhai-Yurtovsky district of Chechnya must give permission for this marriage precisely because of exceptional circumstances. But in this situation, as I understand it, there was no pregnancy, no child, no cohabitation. Then on what basis was the permit granted? And the registry office without this permission of guardianship could not register the marriage. I think that I will ask my fellow lawyers at the Human Rights Council to analyze the situation, first of all, with the fact that this marriage was registered not by a registry office employee, but by a journalist, that is, this is a staged show. There it was clear that the spouses signed not in the registration log, but on some separate pieces of paper. Isn't this whole event actually a fiction? Is there any share of officiality and legality in yesterday's event? I think that after our lawyers give some opinion, we will be able to apply to the prosecutor's office so that the prosecutor's office checks what happened yesterday in the Grozny registry office during the so-called marriage registration between the minor Kheda and Mr. Guchigov.

The prosecutor's office should have dealt with this issue.

- Do you think that there are any levers of influence? Everything that is said about this wedding raises questions from a legal point of view.

- Everything that caused us doubts, questions - Kadyrov brushed aside. We talked about the fact that the girl did not agree, Lifenews went to her, and the girl squeezed out of herself that she agreed. What can we do in this situation? She says, embarrassed and turning away -<в ответ>- well, these are Chechen traditions, young young girls in Chechnya are shy. We talked about the fact that this marriage, according to Muslim traditions, cannot be concluded, that this should be an official marriage. Please, Kadyrov organized yesterday's show at the registry office, registered this marriage. That is, Kadyrov answers each of our questions with something. I believe that the prosecutor's office should have dealt with this issue a long time ago in order to check these issues. The prosecutor's office does not do this. The commissioner for human rights under the president should have done this, he should protect children. He stated at first that the girl and her relatives had not approached him, but that he should respond to press statements. He said that in general, that early marriages are not bad, women wrinkle at 27 years old, which looks like 50. He simply showed his complete failure as a person who occupies this high government post. What human rights activists and journalists can do is very little compared to what state bodies or authorized persons can do to deal with such issues. We are not in a position to do this, and the Council also does not have such opportunities, unfortunately.

What can we say about the 17-year-old girl Heda

​- The Council has the opportunity to appeal to Vladimir Putin.

- How does he have the opportunity to appeal to Putin? Will he write an appeal? I don't remember it being like that. If there is some kind of meeting with the president, then you can ask him this question, for example. When that will be is unknown. I think it will be in the autumn, as it usually happens, or maybe not at all. This is a council, this is not an authorized body, this is not a legislative, not an executive body. The prosecutor's office should react, it did not react. In general, it seems to me that the prosecutor's office does not react to everything that happens in Chechnya. If Kadyrov managed to hide in Chechnya the accused in the murder of Boris Nemtsov, then what can we say about the 17-year-old girl Kheda?

For almost two weeks this Chechen love story has been at the top of the news, while there is nothing at all clear at first glance and everything is clear at the second.

The wedding of 17-year-old Kheda Goylabieva and the head of the Nozhai-Yurt District Department of Internal Affairs of Chechnya, Colonel Nazhud Guchigov, is one of the most discussed topics in Russia right now. But what exactly is known about it?

1. Nazhud Guchigov is already married

Nazhud Guchigov (on the right in the photo) already has a wife and a son. Russian laws do not allow any bigamy. The Commissioner for Human Rights in Russia, Ella Pamfilova, commenting on the upcoming wedding, urged not to allow violations of Russian laws in Chechnya.

2. Marriage to a 17-year-old girl is possible only in a “special case”, which is not here.

Schoolgirl Louise (Kheda) Goylabieva (pictured) is to become the so-called “second wife” of an Interior Ministry colonel at the age of 17.

Under special circumstances it is necessary to understand: pregnancy, the birth of a child, a direct threat to the life of one of the parties.

Circumstances that may serve as a reason for marriage by a minor must be documented.

But there are no restrictions on the age difference between future spouses by law.

The initial information about the forced marriage was spread by the schoolgirl's friends.

The whole village is buzzing about the situation, but - quietly. Because everyone understands on whose side the force is and what will happen to those who go against the head of the police department, Guchigov, who apparently imagines himself as the owner of the Nozhai-Yurtovsky district.

Kheda's friends, out of desperation, tried to write Ramzan Kadyrov on Instagram (after all, it is he who calls himself the "master of Chechnya"). Alas, Instagram and other social networks of the head of Chechnya are very good at clearing all requests. Because the requests of the Chechens can compromise the principle "only good news comes from Chechnya."

4. The Colonel himself didn't want to get married either.

On April 29, Novaya Gazeta was able to get through to Nazhud Guchigov (pictured). The potential groom, however, categorically denied the fact that he plans to take the minor Kheda as his second wife on May 2.

Also, he did not confirm the fact that the village of Baitarki, where Kheda lives, was blocked by posts on his orders (so that relatives could not take the bride away).

Moreover, as the same Novaya Gazeta reported, some time ago, residents of the Nozhai-Yurtovsky district were forced to take their daughter out of Chechnya (Novaya Gazeta knows the name of this girl) in order to prevent her from marrying the all-powerful head of the local police department.

5. Kadyrov said - there will be a wedding, but then he said that there will not be

The intentions, which the groom denied in a telephone conversation with Novaya Gazeta, were unexpectedly confirmed by the head of the republic, Ramzan Kadyrov.

But on May 12, the press secretary of Ramzan Kadyrov, Alvi Akhmedovich Karimov, officially stated in an interview with the radio station "Moscow speaking": "No wedding between this girl<Хедой Гойлабиевой>and this person<Нажудом Гучиговым>in the Chechen Republic was not ... ".

6. As a result, apparently, in the aggregate of all the above facts, they decided to play a wedding

Yesterday, this only record of the “most truthful in the world” TV channel Lifenews appeared, from which it follows that the “bride” does not mind the wedding again.

It turns out that Kheda has known the head of the ROVD “for a year”, they “have been talking”. I recently found out about the upcoming wedding. The wedding date has not yet been set, but the wedding will take place "within a month."

“Yes, I know that he was married and has children from his first marriage. But it just so happened that I am now marrying him.

I wonder what a newly-baked fiancé would say to the Lifenews channel, who until recently, being in a sober mind and sound memory, assured that he did not know any Kheda and that no one, especially the head of the police department, would dare to violate Ramzan Kadyrov’s ban on marriage in Chechnya with minors?

The day before, the head of the medical company, which includes Lifenews, Aram Gabrelyanov posted the following tweet:

Ah, then everything is fine! And it seemed that this whole story takes place in some kind of Absurdistan in the Middle Ages.

UPDATE: WEDDING CEREMONY REPORT Nazhuda Guchigova and Louise Goylabieva

On May 16, 2915, the official wedding ceremony of 17-year-old Luiza Goylabieva and 46-year-old head of the Nozhai-Yurt District Department of Internal Affairs Nazhud Guchigov took place in the city wedding palace in Grozny. The newlyweds officially registered the union.

No comment. You can see everything on the video.

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The discussion around the wedding of 17-year-old Chechen Louise Goylabieva moved to a different plane: if a week ago everyone was discussing the young age of the bride, now it is that she became the alleged second wife of the head of the police department, Nazhud Guchigov. They argue about polygamy in smoking rooms, social networks, Duma offices, at the level of heads of regions. What is it like to be a second wife? Or be the first, but not the only one? About the nuances of life in a polygamous marriage, "MK" talked with several women. And one man.

After the scandal, the head of the administration of the head of Chechnya, Magomed Daudov, proposed to legalize such marriages. True, adding later that this is purely his private opinion. “It's common, which means it would be nice to somehow regulate it.” In response, the State Duma came up with a proposal to consider the introduction of punishment for polygamy. Think about the feelings of a woman, her self-respect - the ladies-deputies were indignant ...

We interviewed women who themselves found themselves in a situation with “polygamy”.

One of them herself went for a third wife for her husband. Another spouse, having learned about her childlessness, gave his wife to raise the son of his first wife. And the third was never able to enter the formed family.

Adani Umaev is 57 years old. Last year, he performed nikah for the third time - that is, according to Muslim canons, in a mosque, he married his third wife. On his page on the social network, you can find a photo from some kind of celebration: Adani hugs two women. Signed: “My spouses: second and third. The first one, unfortunately, could not come…” Adani speaks openly about the fact that his house is a three times full bowl. When we, arranging an interview, suggested that he take a pseudonym, he interrupted the dialogue in mid-sentence:

Adani is not an oligarch or an official. For the second family, he has to rent an apartment, and the third lives in a house that his friends gave him for temporary use.

The war took everything from me. I had two houses - bombed out. Of the three apartments, only one remained: the other two I gave to women with many children who were left without husbands. He began to rise, one might say, from scratch. But he was able not only to save the first family, but also to create two others. And I’ll be honest: if they helped me restore houses, I would bring my fourth wife!

The first time Adani got married after graduation. He says that his parents were already very worried that their son was single at 28.

- I came to my native village for the holidays, I saw a girl, I liked her, they played a wedding ... - like most Caucasian men, Adani speaks openly and ornately on any topic. But one has only to move on to feelings for a woman - and you can’t draw two words.

The first wife, Raisa, bore him a son and three daughters. Together they survived both wars. Actually, during the war, Adani's second wife, Elsa, entered their lives.

— No, there was no ardent passion. There was warmth. I was struck by her responsiveness, painful attitude to the tragedy of our people. I understood: it was prepared for me from above. He called the mullah, performed nikah. Wedding? What a bombed wedding!

When asked about how the first wife survived the fact that she is now not the only one, Adani reluctantly answers.

She is a person with a strong character. I think it wasn't easy for her. To this day, I have disagreements with her about this. What would you do if she didn't agree? Wouldn't get divorced. But she would lose my respect. And respect between husband and wife is a tuning fork in our relationship.

The third wife was Adani's love from her youth.

I was a teacher at school, she is a graduate. Even then, I had a great desire to marry her, even a time was appointed when I would steal her. But some gossip reached the old people - and we were separated. She was married off to another man, she left. But life did not work out there, and she returned back to Chechnya. For seven years I knew that she lived here, and did not dare to visit her, I was afraid to offend her. Until I heard from friends that she also remembers me. Then I decided to get married. I understood: this is a responsible step, because I already have two families. But I also understood something else: the feeling that has swept through so many years cannot be allowed to fade away.

“The second wife went and brought me a third...”

- How did you explain to the spouses that you want to marry for the third time?

- Directly and honestly. I generally try to be honest in all circumstances. He said that there is a woman to whom I have feelings since my youth. And you know, I was struck by the reaction of the second wife. She, of course, wept. And then she asked: “Would it be easier for you if you took her as your wife? Yes? Then give me her phone number." I still remember every word of her from that conversation verbatim: “Louise, my dear, he loves you very much. I beg you: marry him ... "Hanging up the phone, she already told me:" Don't send anyone for her, I'll go myself. And the next day, my eldest son by my first wife, my second wife, and representatives of the elders went to fetch my third bride.

It is difficult for a woman who is not from the Muslim world to believe this story. And even more understand. When I ask Adani to explain what motivated his wife, because no one forced her to go, he replies:

What was going on in her mind, I don't know. It is unacceptable for a woman to take out her feelings outside. But I can say that the male relatives of my third wife, when Elsa appeared on their doorstep, said: “Be respectful to her, she is a worthy Vainashka. This is an example that can be broadcast to the whole of Chechnya ... ”And about the fact that it is not customary for a woman to show her feelings in our country, I will give an example of my mother. On that day, a tragedy occurred in her life: her six-month-old son, the heir, died. But on the same day, long-awaited distinguished guests were supposed to come to their parents. And my mother hid the body of her late son, set the table, met the guests. And only when her turn came to sing songs, she burst into tears. The next day the boy was buried by the whole world ...

- Adani, there is an opinion that every wife in a polygamous family should have the same houses, cars, dresses, you should give them the same ...

- For me it is difficult to comply: one family lives in the house, the other - in a rented apartment, the first occupies my only, not destroyed living space. As for dresses, I give them money, and they decide for themselves what to buy with them. I distribute my income to each member of the family. It’s difficult, of course, because I don’t have a permanent job now. But they don't, trust me.

How is your attention distributed? Again, there is an opinion that a husband should devote equal time to each of his wives, almost up to a minute?

“Not quite to the minute, but I'm trying. Of course, there are no problems at all. If someone tells you this, consider that he is lying.

- Do your spouses communicate with each other?

I can upload a video of them preparing dinner together. You will understand everything.

- But such a family cannot exist without quarrels - I do not believe in it.

- If they have a conflict and they cannot calm it down, I will divorce all three - I give you my word.

How widespread is polygamy in Chechnya? Are there many of your acquaintances who have second and third wives?

- After the war, it became more - but in general we have it at the gene level. Constant wars mowed down our male population. As for polygamy, you know, it even happens here that the first wife is specifically looking for a second wife for her husband. We had such a family next door - with his first wife, only girls were born. And then his wife insisted that he take the second one. A son was born. That woman is often asked: why did she do this? “But we will die, only my girls will remain, but there is no brother. Who will protect them, give them in marriage?

- And if your wife came and said: I want to bring another husband?

Adani responds with a parable:

“Let's take an empty bucket and ask a lot of men to bring water into it. And then we'll tell them to drink only what they poured. Do you think anyone can do it? Do not understand? Then I will explain in a simple way: in a marriage where there are several husbands, it will not be clear who the children are from.

- Do you have one stamp in your passport?

- I don't have one at all. When I changed my passport, I did not put it. Why is it needed if we are united by a mullah?

- But it turns out that if something happens to the husband, the second and third wives have no rights to the inheritance.

- When a man creates a new family, he will never take a single needle from the first. This is her and the children. We take responsibility for all wives and children: we support, love, educate them. And these are not empty words. In order for you to understand what the responsibility of a Chechen man to his child is, I will tell you that I have been looking for my son for 23 years, from another woman. I could not marry her: there was a reason, believe me. So I even went to Sakhalin to find him. And during the war, I always had a note in my pocket and socks: “I, Adani Umaev, am looking for a son.” Further his name, age, signs. And I found it. He converted to Islam and is preparing to move to Chechnya.

“We don’t discuss our husband among ourselves ...”

Elsa, Adani's second wife, turned out to be a woman with a very quiet voice and a very straightforward character. When once again, asking her about jealousy, I tried to find softer words, she said: “Anastasia, hypocrisy is not needed. Ask questions in the forehead - and I will also answer them directly. ”

She never thought that she would become a second wife. Moreover, in her youth she considered it unacceptable for herself. Therefore, Adani did not immediately agree to the proposal.

"But I really liked him - he is noble, decent, handsome, honest."

- Did you have the opportunity to become the first wife of another man?

- Of course, I could marry an unmarried man, many people wooed me. But you can’t explain to the heart that it would be nice to fall in love with someone who does not have a wife.

How did your first wife meet you?

- With honour. At first, I will not hide, our relationship was strained. She restrained herself, I restrained myself. But we treated each other with respect, because we both respect our husband. We lived in different houses, met extremely rarely. Now everything is fine: we call each other, go to common events together. We are a family.

- We do not discuss the husband, it is considered indecent. No, of course, I can ask if he likes, for example, salty food. She after all well studied his predilections. And if you are wondering if we are discussing moments of intimate life, then absolutely not. We have common themes - these are children, cooking, plans for common holidays.

How difficult was it to accept his third marriage? Why did you agree? After all, any woman in Central Russia would say “no way”...

- He is healthy, loving, he can provide another family, moreover, he loves her. It is unacceptable for a husband to harbor a grudge. And in general, in our society, every woman must be mentally prepared for the fact that she will not be the only one. But to be honest, at first I was annoyed. I am a proud, self-sufficient person. But he did not see my feelings, all this remained inside. There is order, I am not going to violate the law of my religion. It is important for me to please the Lord and please my husband.

“But why did you go to marry her yourself?”

“I knew he would be happy about it. He treats me with great respect and understanding, he makes me happy, so why can't I make him happy? She is a good woman, accommodating, older than me. I received it well. Honestly, if we were given the opportunity to restore the houses that we lost during the war, maybe I would have allowed him to marry again.

- But a new woman comes to the family - a rival ...

She is not my rival. And I'm not the first opponent. He divided his time into weeks. If someone is sick in another family, he can come to them and not at the right time. But in other cases, no one can claim my time.

- In an unfamiliar company, do you say that you are the second spouse, or do you try not to advertise it?

Why should I hide it? We do not violate anything, we are united by the law of Allah.

- What advice would you give to Louise, who is just entering, as they say, into a polygamous family? Maybe we should initially try to build a relationship with the first wife?

- Husband manages it. Respecting him, the wife will not quarrel, arrange quarrels, and cause some kind of trouble in relation to the other. Otherwise it turns out that I do not respect myself.

“They can cry into a pillow, but they won’t show a man that they are in pain...”

- Do you really think that every girl in our country dreams of becoming a second or third wife? - a well-known Chechen journalist Zalina Lakaeva answers my question with a question. - No, of course, everyone wants to be the first and only. But life doesn't always work out that way. Sometimes you realize that you are already 30, but there is no husband or child. After all, in our republic, because of the war, according to statistics, for every ten girls and five guys there will not be typed. In Chechnya, second marriages are not uncommon.

- As far as I understand, there are no official statistics. And judging by your environment, what is the percentage of polygamous families in Chechnya?

- I can not say that this is a mass phenomenon. But among my relatives there are several such families. Now I do not see any crime in this. No one will take you by force for the second time - at least out of pride, self-respect.

Zalina admits: although she perceives this phenomenon as the norm, she herself would never agree to become a second wife.

“Not because I think I'm better, I just don't want to be the first to hurt. After all, to be honest, it is difficult for a woman to survive this. But she will never show her husband what is in her heart. This is considered disrespectful, an insult to a man. This is the whole strength of a Chechen woman. She can cry into her pillow at night, but she will never show either her husband or the other that she is in pain.

And then, let's not be cunning: entering another family is also not sugar. Relatives, for example, for the most part, are on the side of the first wife. But if a man brought another into the house, you have to put up with it, because this woman becomes a full member of the family. Although there are women who are even happy about the second marriage of their husband. For example, a family lived not far from us, my wife could not have children. And she asked to bring the second wife to the house. And the two older newborn girls were given to the upbringing of the first. They learned about it when they grew up. But they continued to consider the mother who raised them. They all lived in the same yard. And the women even argued: "Mine are better cleaned." - "No, mine."

- Were you offered to become a second wife?

- Many times. Once my fiancé's wife did it. We were in love with each other at school, but my parents were against early marriage, they did not allow me to marry him. He married another. And now, years later, we ended up in the same hospital. He confessed: he never forgot about me, and asked me to be his second wife. I refused. Then his wife came to me and began to persuade me. Then she even asked if she could name her daughter after me.

- How can this be explained?

“I don't understand myself. The non-Muslim women who were also in that hospital watching this situation said, “Is she crazy? We would strangle you with a pillow in her place ... "

- What are the guarantees that after the death of her husband, the second and third will not be left with anything?

- The rights of both the first and the second wife are the same. This is legalized at the level of our adats, our customs. This is the inner way of the people. We, for example, do not have nursing homes, leaving an old man is a shame on the whole family. The same is true with children. Now our girls are not embarrassed by the position of a second wife, and many even brag about it, especially when the groom is from a rich and respected family.

By the way, about the financial side of the issue. How wealthy does a person need to be to take a second wife?

- Very individual. The main thing is that he can afford to buy an apartment or a second house. When two families live in the same house, this is not welcome. And so - I know, for example, a taxi driver who has two wives.

- Do neighbors gossip about such families?

- They can gossip. But they cool down quickly. You need to understand that everyone's mentality is different - and be treated with understanding.

“The stamp in the passport does not affect the decency of a man...”

Another of our heroines does not live in the Caucasus - in Yekaterinburg. She's Russian. 11 years ago, she converted to Islam and became the second wife. She agreed to tell her story only anonymously. But in this case, this is rather a plus - so you can count on at least a modicum of frankness. Her story is ambiguous: Katya (let's call the woman that) is barren. But she has a child - this is the son of her husband's first wife.

“This is not my first marriage. I first got married after college, but divorced pretty quickly. That union was childless and very "sick". This is probably why, when I met my second husband, who treated me with understanding, and he had never been in my life, I fell in love. There was no romance as such in our relationship. But there was great concern, I felt protected, as if behind a stone wall. It was a pure relationship, he did not touch me before the wedding. We talked about religion all the time. Yes, I forgot to clarify: of course, before I met him, I was Orthodox, but decided to convert to Islam. 3-4 months after I "covered" (put on a hijab), he proposed to me. I agreed right away.

Yes, I knew that in Dagestan, where he came from, he has another family, two children. Yes, officially, for the authorities of the Russian Federation, I am not married (we had nikah), but I don’t care. I do not think that the stamp in the passport can somehow affect the decency of a man. How many stories about divorced women left with nothing when a man left the family. My husband is a deeply religious person. I know that in Islam it is a sin to leave a woman with nothing. So I am absolutely sure that I will not stay on the street, even if everything is not going smoothly for us.

I am 37 years old and my husband and I are the same age. In total, we lived together for 11 years. Eight years after our wedding, he moved his first wife and children to Yekaterinburg, organized separate housing for them. That family knew about me from the beginning. How did she react to this? Don't know. I never asked her about this. As well as many other things. The husband is against communication between us. From the very beginning, he set a taboo condition for us - he forbade both me and my first wife to talk about our family life to outsiders, and even more so to each other. The most we can do is say hello when we meet. But I try to avoid even such meetings: I feel uncomfortable. I think she does too. There were never any conflicts because there were no contacts. But the level of our relationship with her is solely the responsibility of our husband. I think that she, like me, just accepted this fact. I work part-time, purely symbolically, but I have already decided to leave my job - my husband financially provides for both of us in full. He also evenly divided the time spent with each of us, sometimes he comes every other day, sometimes he spends the day here - the night there. I have no complaints. To be honest: when he is with me, she does not exist at all. It's probably right.

And now about the main thing: I cannot have children, my husband knew about this from the very beginning, even before the wedding. When the eldest wife and children moved, he decided that the eldest child would live with me. Now the boy is 11 years old. He accepted it normally, calls me "mommy". He visits his mother while I am at work. The older wife doesn't mind. At least he pretends. At first it seemed strange to me, but over time everyone got used to it.

I can’t say that everything is perfect: there were disagreements. No, I wasn't jealous. I was very offended by him. For 8 years he hid that his first wife periodically came with children to our city to visit him. I did not know about that. It opened when she had already moved permanently. I understand that this does not change anything, a wife is a wife, she has the same rights as me, but it crippled me a little. Trust has always been important to me. But we have solved this problem.

Are you asking me if I'm happy? Yes. But, of course, I would like more. I love him very much, I am very afraid of losing him. But I chose this path myself. You just have to keep trying to be perfect for him. After all, the contentment of a husband is the contentment of the Almighty ... "

“They marry because they are tired of the first ...”

But there is another opinion about polygamy.

Its essence boils down to the following: second marriages among Muslims are now not uncommon not only in the Caucasus, but also in Central Russia. Many second families live in Moscow. A man leaves for work, here he finds a new wife. But very often such marriages are a direct violation of the norms of Islam. No, they are doing nikah. But, according to the canons, a man must not only equally distribute wealth among all his wives, but also his attention and love. And just about this most modern men forget. They marry because they are tired of the first one, they want to be younger and more beautiful. Yes, most often they fully provide their first financially. But not spiritually.

I met Aigul at one of the forums for Russian Muslim women. She is a Tatar from a very wealthy and respected family. She graduated from Moscow State University, from the age of 17 she worked on television. And she is against polygamy. At least in the manifestation that he observes among his friends and relatives.

Let me tell you the story of my cousin. His first wife had a terrible accident, and through his own fault. She learned to walk and talk again, her face was disfigured. No, he didn't leave her. But he found himself a second wife: young, beautiful. He settled them separately, fully provides for both, but stopped paying attention to the first as a woman. He is constantly in a new house with a new wife. And there are only a few such stories in my field of vision.

Before her marriage, Aigul was not deprived of male attention and proposals to build a strong cell of Muslim society. Several times she was offered to become a second wife. Moreover, one of the proposals was very promising: he was rich, handsome, her age. But she realized that his intentions were far from Sharia norms.

“He just fell in love. There, in Dagestan, life, three children. And here is a young secular girl who can be taken to restaurants, introduced to friends. You know, because now most Muslim men forget or do not know why it is possible to create a second and subsequent marriages. The Prophet married women whose husbands died in the war during jihad, which means they were left without a breadwinner and support. These were marriages with the intention of care and protection. Modern men create a second marriage because it is so convenient for them: I go on business trips in Moscow, I need a woman, why not take a second wife here?

Aigul has many girlfriends who are second wives. When I ask her if they really are devoid of jealousy, so humble that they themselves can go for another wife, she smiles:

— Yes, in Islam, patience is the greatest virtue for a woman. We must pretend to be happy when we feel like crying. But we are all people, all from the same test. No woman will accept another with an open mind, any woman is jealous. What can I say: we do not like it, even if our husband communicates with the former. Even if it's because of the child.

And in general, according to Aigul, the second wife is not so much a joy for a man as bondage.

- In Islam, a man is a breadwinner, he must plow from dusk to dawn, provide for his wife, children, parents. But he also wants to rest. And these happy hours of leisure you must share between two women. I asked my husband (he is a Muslim) whether you plan to take a second wife? He looked at me like I was crazy: "I would like to deal with one." And if we already completely go into the plane of carnal relations, let's not forget that all Muslim women are temperamental people. Try to physically pull two wives! Each of them requires intimacy, and she does not care that you spent two days with the other before that. But, according to the norms of Islam, you cannot refuse your wife intimacy.

You can argue about polygamy endlessly. But, probably, the hero of Yuri Nikulin from the “Prisoner of the Caucasus” put an end to this issue, singing: “It’s not very bad to have three wives, but it’s very bad on the other hand!”

Lif eNews correspondents arrived in the Chechen Republic and met with the family of 17-year-old Luiza Goylabieva to find out all the details of the story around the matchmaking for the young girl of the head Nozhay-Yurtovsky ROVD. The future bride herself told why she agreed to become the wife of 46-year-old Nazhud Guchigov, and debunked rumors that the chosen one allegedly forced her to marry. In addition, Lif eNews found out where the very rumors came from, from which the media, distorting the facts, fanned the scandal.

The Goylabievs' house has already prepared for the upcoming wedding, which is scheduled for June. The Life eNews journalists were greeted by Louise's mother, aunt and uncle. The film crew was warned that, in accordance with tradition, Chechen girls should not tell strangers about their feelings, but the mother still allowed her to talk to her 17-year-old daughter.

For the first time in her life, Louise communicated with journalists, so she was very shy of the camera. Suddenly, her personal life has become one of the most discussed topics on the Russian Internet.

“He is a good person, therefore ... Courageous, reliable,” Louise answers questions about her future wife. According to her, she has been talking with Nazhud Guchigov for about a year. At first, the girl did not think that a high-ranking aged man would show tender feelings for her, she was just interested in him. However, when she found out about Guchigov's matchmaking, this did not come as a surprise to Louise. Before that, the girl refused several men, but now she agreed. Does the age difference bother you? Louise replies, "No."

As it became known to Lif eNews, Nazhud Guchigov, together with colleagues from the police department, guarded the school where Luiza Goylabieva took her final exams.Last year, Louise graduated from high school, received a certificate without triples. In the future, he wants to become a doctor. She is sure that the family is not a hindrance to this. Most of her classmates have already made their main choice in life.

Having met, Louise and Najud began to communicate by phone, and a year later the groom got married and set a date for the wedding. According to the established rules, in Chechnya it is impossible to marry a schoolgirl or a girl under the age of 17, so the date was set on the day after Louise's birthday - May 1. The uncle of the young bride, Nuradi Goylabiev, told how a responsible decision was made in the family.

- People came to get married, we said: first we will ask the mother, then the daughter. If they agree, we will give the floor. If there is no consent - no ... We asked the girl, the mother. They agree. And we gave an answer - we agree, - says Nuradi Goylabiev. - Gossip is allowed, as if she was forced to. Who will force the Chechen? No one will force me or my brother! Since there is consent for daughters, there is consent for mothers, we gave our word! If she refused, not a single person from us would give consent.

Makka, Louise's mother, told Lif eNews correspondent how she perceived the news of Nazhud Guchigov's intention to marry her third daughter. The woman knew that Louise knew the head of the local police department, and at first she did not approve of this, and she did not think that their communication would lead to a wedding. However, having learned about the consent of her daughter, the mother did not resist.

- At first I didn’t react very well when I found out that they were talking, and even scolded my daughter, but then, when I found out that she agreed, I also agreed. And then we got to know his family better ... We learned that he often visits our village, that he works and that he is a good person, says Makka. “And now I’m glad, of course, I’m glad. Wedding within a month, we have already bought gifts, chose a dress.

As it turned out, Nazhud Guchigov had long received the consent of the Goylabiev family and Louise herself for the wedding. However, the plans were disrupted by an article published on April 30 in Novaya Gazeta by correspondent Elena Milashina. The author claimed that the head of the ROVD Nozhay-Yurtovsky district threatens violence against the Goylabievs if Louise refuses to marry him, and even put up posts throughout the village so that the 17-year-old beauty does not run away from him. Local authorities are surprised by the statements about roadblocks.

- Checkpoints are set up only during planned and operational activities, when they are needed. It hasn't happened since 2010, as far as I remember. They used to be when there was a CTO regime, - said the head of the Baitarka rural settlement Mukhadin Khaidyrbaev.

The article created a stir in social networks, and a trusted person of Ramzan Kadyrov arrived in Baitarki. The head of Chechnya decided to look into the situation, since back in 2010 he personally forbade the kidnapping of brides, and before the wedding he obliged the grooms to obtain the consent of the fathers of their chosen ones. In five years, the number of cases of “marriage kidnapping” in Chechnya has significantly decreased thanks to sermons in mosques and educational work by the media. However, this time it was the Chechen journalists who “got it”. The head of the republic reprimanded them for the fact that after the article in Novaya Gazeta no one went to the mountain village and did not establish the true picture of events.

Ramzan Kadyrov said at the meeting that the issue of the wedding in the village of Baitarki has been settled, since the girl herself, her mother and paternal grandfather gave consent to the wedding of Louise and Nazhud Guchigov.

Louise herself suffered most from the public discussion. She perceives such attention to herself as an interference in her personal life.

“I would really like to ask those who spread this gossip, please do not interfere in my personal life, I am very tired,” the girl turned to journalists and bloggers.

On May 10, State Duma deputy Shamsail Saraliyev refuted the information presented in the Novaya Gazeta article. He pointed out that the author of the material does not possess true information. In particular, Louise is called by a different name in the article, and the wrong age is indicated Nazhud Guchigov, who is not 57, but 46 years old. The deputy also recalled that, according to Russian laws, local governments allow marriages from the age of 16, while in Chechnya they usually adhere to the age limit of 17.

In the article, the author emphasizes the age difference between the bride and groom. However, according to Sergey Arutyunov, head of the Caucasus department at the Russian Academy of Sciences, a man should be older. A 30-year difference between spouses is not uncommon, and not only in the Caucasus.

“A woman is as old as she looks, and a man is as old as he feels,” the representative of the Russian Academy of Sciences believes.

Finally, information about the wedding, which, according to Novaya Gazeta, allegedly took place on May 10, was denied by the press secretary of the head of Chechnya, Alvi Karimov. On the air of the radio station "Moscow Speaks", he assured that the marriage of a 17-year-old resident of Baitarkov with the head Nozhay-Yurtovsky There was no ROVD.

In addition, we note that Life eNews managed to find out where the media got the information that became the informational reason for the article in Novaya Gazeta. A relative of the future bride Yakha Goylabiev admitted that, unwittingly, she became a source of gossip.

I wanted to introduce her to another guy. It so happened that I was offended by her because she did not agree. And I told my girlfriend, I didn't know it would go that far. I apologize for that. How it got to the journalists, I don’t know, I didn’t want this. I didn't post it online. This is what my girlfriend did. I don’t know how it happened,” says Yakha Goylabieva.

Lif eNews tried to get in touch with Elena Milashina, editor of Novaya Gazeta's special reporting department, however, after first agreeing to a conversation with our correspondent, the author of the scandalous article soon stopped picking up the phone.

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