In the life of every girl sooner or later there is a guy. Each of the couple before the start of the relationship had their own personal life. Relationships don't start in a vacuum. Together with a loved one, a whole baggage of other hobbies, acquaintances, friends will come into the life of young people.
Of course, it happens that relationships begin to develop in a company among mutual acquaintances, and in this case the problem of relationships with friends is not acute: everyone remains himself. But most often, it is novelty, mystery that attracts young people to each other, and the circle of acquaintances of each will inevitably begin to change.
So, one day the girl will have to meet the guy's friends. From this acquaintance, perhaps, the dynamics of their further relations will largely depend.
So how do you behave? What model of behavior with friends of a young man is correct?
The answer to this question cannot be unambiguous. It depends, first of all, on the personality of these very friends. Two extremely polar situations are possible:
Situation 1. The guy's friends are a vicious circle from which he needs to be “pulled out”. This is a complex situation that requires a separate analysis, in many respects different from the topic of our article. In this case, there is no question of how to behave, but a situation of complete restriction of communication arises.
Situation 2. Your boyfriend's friends are great guys. They have been friends for a long time and there is a certain “brotherhood” in their relationship, that is, they share joys, overcome problems together. It often happens that this friendship remains for life, and over time, people begin to be friends with families. We will take this situation as obvious.
It’s not difficult to understand a guy’s special attitude towards friends, because. during meetings, a young man talks a lot about his friends, calls them and demonstrates their existence in every possible way.
Guy's friends are part of his life. Having also become a part of his life, the girl will have to share the young man's free time with them. And here several scenarios for the development of events are possible, in each of which the girl tries on a certain role:
- The girl tries to please his friends, because. the guy listens to their opinion, considers their attitude important
- The girl begins to be jealous of her friends and try to force them out of the guy's life, because. he spends a lot of time with them
- The girl tries to abstract from the friends of the young man
- The girl is trying to become "her" in their company
In fact, both of these scenarios are wrong.
Error 1 - "Oh, what a girl ..."
Trying to please friends, the girl often forgets that she communicates with men. And excessive friendliness, smiling, sociability and the desire to be pretty in their eyes are often perceived as flirting or "flirting" and can be incorrectly assessed as frivolity and accessibility.
In addition, such behavior can offend the guy himself, cause jealousy or a negative attitude. Of course, in the soul of every girl there is a dream about how all men are in love with her. But do not forget that men have a slightly different attitude to this.
Mistake 2 - "Either I, or THEY"
Jealousy of friends and past life "before her" is a typical condition for many girls. Before meeting the girl, the young man led a full life: he had hobbies, met friends. Having let a girl into his life, the guy must “clear” a place for her. This does not happen immediately, but gradually: everything unnecessary, not important, not significant, goes away by itself. And the longer and more seriously the relationship develops, the more space a girl takes in a guy’s life. However, she does not want a long development of events, preferring a fast-paced relationship, incorrectly associating them with falling in love.
Wrong settings:
- If I loved, I would call in the morning
- If you loved, go to the cinema with me, and not with friends to volleyball
- At all meetings with friends, there should always be a place for a girl
- Your friends are dearer to you than me...
Familiar? This is not a complaint, but a manifestation of jealousy. Such behavior strains the guy, destroys his self-sufficiency and comfort, necessitates a constant choice.
Error 3 - "Princess without a kingdom"
The girl moves away from the company of guys, behaves slightly arrogantly and unfriendly, considering such behavior to be correct in relation to the guy, demonstrating that she has nothing to do with this "kingdom". Her behavior shows, maybe not superiority, but definitely not a disposition towards friends. This will also bother the guy, because. he will realize that the girl is bored and not interested with his friends. The fact that the two worlds: the past and the present do not fit together will lead to the psychological discomfort of a guy who can draw the wrong conclusions. Although, in fact, the princess's behavior is just a girl's game, the desire to show her impregnability and peculiarity.
Mistake 4 - "your boyfriend"
A girl's desire to please her boyfriend's friends can also have another extreme: the desire to become "her boyfriend" in the company of guys. This behavior is caused by the desire to share their hobbies, to become part of the guy's life. This can manifest itself in joint gatherings, visits to sporting events, or some purely male entertainment. At first glance, this may seem right, but with a detailed analysis of the situation, it is easy to understand that such behavior leads to the destruction of relationships. This is not about a situation where love arises from common hobbies. In this article, we consider a situation where a guy introduces “his girlfriend” to his friends, and not a guy like them.
What to do?
Hopefully, a few tips will help answer this question.
- Do not seek to take some place in the company of friends (princess, "your boyfriend", etc.). Remember that you came to this company already in a certain role: the role of your boyfriend's girlfriend, and you do not need to play any other roles here. Having understood this, you will easily join this company, while the only thing you will need to do is remain yourself. After all, this is why your boyfriend fell in love with you.
- Don't demand too much attention. In the company of friends, their special world, and you came into this world, not they into yours, so just try to be interested in their hobbies or at least pretend to respect their choice.
- Do not demonstrate your superiority in different situations. This is always unpleasant, and among friends is simply unacceptable.
- Don't be jealous of your friends. Your boyfriend should not have to choose, because a man needs both friends and a beloved woman. Be sympathetic to bachelor parties and meetings with friends without you. Remember your meetings with girlfriends, where a lot of things are discussed that do not need a male presence.
- Don't speak badly about his friends, don't make the guy feel ashamed of his friends or justify their actions, because he will always do this, because. he is one of them. Even in a situation where you are dissatisfied with the behavior of one of your friends, try to speak not about the act, but about your emotions, feelings in this situation. Don't turn the guy against his friends.
- Be friendly with the guy's friends. Behave in such a way that they do not feel a threat from you to their friendship and do not start retaliatory actions.
These simple tips will help you strengthen your relationship with your boyfriend and keep friends that are made in childhood and adolescence, and often are closer to relatives.
Before you meet your boyfriend's parents for the first time, you will face an equally difficult test - meeting your loved one's friends. As you know, many men depend on the opinions of their own friends. Therefore, the first impression you make on them is especially important for your relationship with your loved one. Successfully pass this test will help you a few rules that you need to remember and follow.
Don't dress too provocatively. Forget about low-cut clothes forever: a dress or a topic, you also need to give up high-heeled shoes. Remember, you're going to meet a guy's friends, not to a night out to hook up with someone else. Your outfit must match! At the same time, do not forget that you are still a woman - so you should not dress like a guy in order to fit into a male environment.
Don't "stick" to your boyfriend. For a girl who finds herself in a company unfamiliar to her, it is quite natural to want to be near her “boyfriend” all the time. However, if you get to know the guy's environment, this habit can be fatal for you. If you do not make an attempt to find a common language with his friends and will not communicate with them, then naturally they are unlikely to like him. Show everyone that you are an independent person, that you can easily carry on a conversation and be liked by others. Your boyfriend will definitely appreciate it.
Try to make friends as quickly as possible and win the sympathy of the guy's friends. This will be facilitated by your sincere interest in the conversation and the ability to listen to the interlocutor.
Act according to the situation and be extremely careful in dealing with people new to you. At first, it will be quite difficult for you to understand what style of conversation is accepted here, so be prepared for any surprises and try to enjoy communication.
Pay equal attention to everyone and communicate with each member of the company, whether it be a guy or a girl. Naturally, it is much easier to make friends with girls than with guys. However, remember that a lot will depend on the attitude of the guy's friends towards you. In order to become pleasant to them, in no case do not flirt. Especially if they are married or dating a girl.
Never ask your boyfriend about his past relationships with other girls and do not start a conversation on this topic with a man's friends.
1. He reveals himself to you. The story of the most intimate thoughts and feelings is a difficult test for all people, and especially for men. Rest assured, he did not just begin to bare his soul in front of you.
2. He does the dirty work. Taking out the trash or scrubbing the sink isn't exactly romantic behavior, but it's a masculine way to show you care by helping out and making your life easier.
3. He asks you for help. Every time he asks you to help him choose a gift for his mom, he wants to hear your opinion because he respects you and your choice. Is this not a sign of great love?
4. He expresses his feelings in public. If he strives to hold your hand, hug, kiss - take these actions as a compliment. He is happy and proud that you are his woman, and sometimes there is no better way to express your feelings than to hold your beloved closer to you.
5. He chooses the right gifts. If the gifts received from him are nothing special, this is not a cause for excitement: most men are completely unable to give what they really need. But if he impresses you with enviable constancy with the contents of beautiful gift-wrapped boxes, then this is a sure sign of his great love. Your man not only knows how to listen carefully, but is also willing to spend quite a lot of time looking for the right gift.
6. He introduces you to the family. You can be sure: as soon as a man introduces his girlfriend to his mother, the latter immediately begins to hint to him that she has long wanted to become a grandmother. So, having decided to gather two beloved women at the same table, a man understands perfectly well what he is going for. And you should understand that he sees the future in your relationship.
7. He makes you part of his circle. To introduce you to your circle is not only to introduce you to your friends with a hat. If he really makes plans for the future, he will plan joint trips to the cinema, gatherings in restaurants, "spontaneous" parties, or inviting you to events that have become a good tradition with his friends: visiting sports bars during important matches, joint walks in parks , bowling, etc.
8. He becomes part of your life. If he doesn't mind joining you during boring shopping trips or meekly watching another tearful series on TV, know that he has prepared for a long siege of the fortress.
9. He compromises. It's simple: if he loves you, he wants to make you happy. This does not mean that he will always allow you to do whatever you want, but he is ready to make a compromise that suits both sides - that's for sure. Whether it's about a vacation spot or someone to close the door to, he'll show his love by giving in.
10. He talks about love. Of course, a male declaration of love is an event as rare as an anecdotal encounter with a dinosaur, so if he suddenly "broke through", listen without missing a word! Who knows when it will be "covered" next time.
If a young man is in love, he can't wait to show his girlfriend to his friends. Getting to know a guy's friends is not just a fun party, but an important meeting that can determine the course of further relationships. No matter how much a guy loves you, on a subconscious level, he is influenced by his friends. And if they have a negative impression of you, it will not benefit your love union.
When meeting a guy's friends, girls perform the same actions that can destroy relationships at the beginning. To join the company and win over your lover's friends, you need to properly prepare. What mistakes do girls make when they first meet his friends?
1. Behaving provocatively, dressing extravagantly
People are greeted by their clothes, so do not rush to try on the most revealing and fashionable dress when you have gathered for this friendly meeting. As a rule, such an acquaintance takes place in an ordinary cafe, and excessive elegance is useless there. Don't try to look like a star if you are beautiful, people will notice your good looks anyway. But dressing up like a Christmas tree can make you seem ridiculous or vulgar.
Makeup and clothing should be appropriate for the place and time, but your prudent behavior is much more important. No, there is no need to be shy and silent. You can joke and smile, but don't overdo it. Pretense will not decorate you. Be natural and casual. You don't have to entertain everyone. You are a girl, not a clown.
2. Showing too much love for a guy
Don't show your feelings for a guy in public. You don't have to kiss him every ten seconds and cling to his arm like he might run away from you. You will have time for affection and tenderness when you are alone. Behave yourself in public. Of course, you can hug and lightly smack the guy on the cheek. Well, if he will behave with restraint.
Do not patronize a young man in public as if you were his mother. This may seem like a concern to you, but men don't like to be babysat. A girl can look like a child in the eyes of a guy, but not vice versa. By doing this, you humiliate his manhood, and he no longer feels like a hunter, but a stupid loser.
3. They ask comrades about the guy, about his ex-girlfriends
If you have problems in a relationship, no one will forbid you to turn to the friends of your chosen one for help. But this can only be done after some time, when you join their company and earn their trust. But at the first meeting, such questions are inappropriate.
Don't lash out at your friends with questions when the guy has gone somewhere. Anything that interests you, you can ask the guy himself. Trying to find out something behind his back, you put both yourself and your chosen one in a ridiculous position.
4. Boasting about themselves, arguing with a guy or humiliating him
To educate and teach men is the grossest mistake that women make when they go out with them to people. You can make a remark to the guy, but so that no one hears. If you want to say something now, ask the young man to leave with you for a minute. In no case do not criticize or reproach him in front of other people. This deals a terrible blow to male pride, and from the outside it looks ugly.
If you do not agree with the guy's opinion, you can express your position, but you should not prove it until you are blue in the face. Do not brag about your intelligence or talents, let the guy praise you better.
5. Constantly distracted, talking on the phone or texting online
You will have time for online dialogues at home, but here you have the opportunity to chat live. Do not ignore people's attention, giving the impression of an important lady. Most likely, they will conclude that you are either ill-mannered or you are not interested in them.
Many girls before going to a cafe ask their friends in advance to call or write to them every five minutes. However, hanging around all the time in an iPhone is a sign of disrespect for those who are nearby. Even business people will not be distracted by calls if they come to a meeting, albeit a friendly one. If your phone rings, tell them to call you later. And you can do without social networks at all.
6. Openly express antipathy towards the guy's friends, sit with a displeased look or defiantly leave
If the company of your young man did not please you, do not show it. Be polite and reserved. Don't turn the guy against his comrades. For a man, friends are sacred. If you think that they have a bad influence on him, you will have to resort to diplomacy. Later, you will be able to subtly and accurately explain to him what exactly you do not like in his environment.
Try to communicate with them in their language. Find out more about their interests and moral concepts. You can also make a correct picture of the environment of your chosen one and decide whether you should communicate with them further.
A couple of people in society are often perceived as a single entity. If one person behaves rudely and rudely, then the second one risks leaving an unfavorable impression: having reconciled with the behavior of a partner, he seems to accept, approve and share it. In fact, what seems normal to one person may not be acceptable to another. But not risk the same because of this relationship? Or are they doomed anyway? Three typical stories.
Unacceptable behavior
Marianna and Stepan met at a concert. “I liked his sense of humor. He knows a thousand funny stories and puns, knows how to parody famous people. I really have fun with him, ”says the girl. However, Marianne's friends did not appreciate her partner's jokes. From their embarrassment and restrained reaction, the girl realized that not all of Stepan's stories were appropriate in the company of her intellectual friends.
But the worst thing is that the young man began to share with the girl's friends details from their personal lives, which Marianne would prefer to keep silent about. “In our company, it is not customary to discuss intimate details. Why do my friends need to know that I sleep in heart pajamas and sing pop songs in the shower?”
The partner gains power over you. In the presence of others, it becomes clear how he will dispose of her
“A couple can happily exist, even if one of the partners does not accept some features of the other,” says psychologist Laurence Peltier. - But if your partner's behavior seems inappropriate to you, it is you who will have to solve the problem, because only you are disturbed by the resulting discomfort. Living together implies interdependence. You trust your partner with your secrets, he knows your strengths and weaknesses, and this is how he gains power over you. In the presence of others, it becomes clear how he will dispose of it.
One partner needs to talk frankly with another, explain what rules of conduct they have in the company. Just do not need to pronounce everything that has boiled up immediately after the incident: cool down for a couple of days and choose a convenient moment. Describe what makes you feel embarrassed and ask them to avoid it in public. In this way, you will indicate the boundaries of your tolerance and express confidence in your partner by openly informing him of these boundaries. The main thing is that the partner does not feel like a guilty child who receives a scolding from a parent.
A matter of growth
Anna and Nikolai met on the Internet, talked virtually for a long time and became attached to each other. Three months later they met in reality, and after another two they began to live together. “Everything suits me in a relationship, Nikolai loves me, I feel comfortable with him, everything is fine in sex,” says Anna. - His height is only embarrassing - 168 cm. For a long time I was embarrassed to introduce him to my friends, I began to wear flat shoes so that it seemed that we were on the same level. But I want to see a big and strong man next to me, but I don’t perceive Nikolai like that. And his friends called him "baby". I can see how they discuss the growth of my chosen one and laugh.
Anxiety about the height, weight and other external features of a partner or partner is only a symptom. But what lies behind it remains to be excavated. So, a high temperature can signal various diseases. In one case, acute respiratory infections, in the other - a virus. And the treatment will be different.
We can expand our self-image through another
On the one hand, worries about growth can indicate doubts about the correctness of the choice. Perhaps you are subconsciously looking for an excuse to let your partner resign. In this case, love has already passed, and the relationship is unlikely to be saved. “If we are not proud of the chosen one, the relationship will not last,” says family therapist Sylvie Tenenbaum.
On the other hand, such experiences may indicate a girl's low self-esteem. A partner of small stature makes her feel humiliated and ashamed, as if she is not so good as to choose a broad-shouldered tall handsome man, even if he is not so kind and reliable. In this way, she expands her own self-image through the other. And in this case, the relationship can be saved. But a girl needs to work on self-esteem and learn not to depend on the opinions of others.
Typical misalliance
“My first husband was wealthy. We lived together for 20 years, and I did not need anything. But two years ago we divorced, - Irina recalls. I didn't think I could be happy again. And recently I met Igor. He literally brought me back to life. But there is one problem: Igor is just a driver. He is a fairly educated and well-read man, just not at all punchy, he could not make a career. The financial question does not bother me: I can provide for the two of us. But how to introduce Igor to friends? They have different habits, different wealth and lifestyle. I’m afraid they don’t even have common topics for conversation.”
“It is important to understand why you are actually ashamed to introduce your partner to friends,” Sylvie Tenenbaum is sure. - Perhaps the choice of this person is a hidden rebellion against your essence? Do your feelings indicate a discrepancy between your personality and ideas? On the other hand, if you met in adulthood, it is no longer so important to introduce the chosen one into the circle of friends. Some of them may consider this distrust, but in fact it is a proof of maturity. You yourself are the mistress (master) of your own life and you can decide what kind of relationship you need.