Your son is gradually growing up: externally and internally. You can barely keep up with what's happening to him. A lot is changing: from clothes and habits to worldview and attitude towards girls.
The difficult teenage stage is laid down by nature, it cannot be avoided. For some, it happens earlier, for others - later, but on average, boys begin to turn from a child into a man at the age of 11-12 years.
Believe me, your son is not easy right now. Unstable mental processes and new views of the world around us are superimposed on physical malaise. If you understand what is happening in your son's body and can explain it to him, then this stage will be a little easier.
Let's start with physiological changes.
What happens in the body of adolescents at 11-12 years old
The cardiovascular system. The heart of a teenager increases significantly, this is due to the growth of the heart muscle - myocardium. The heart volume of a 10-year-old boy is 130 cc, while that of a 13-year-old boy is already 443 cc. At the same time, blood vessels grow more slowly and the heart needs to exert more effort so that the body does not suffer from a lack of oxygen. The load on the heart increases and pain may appear in it.
Respiratory system. The volume of the lungs also increases. But it is not yet possible to use all the oxygen received, so the brain does not have enough proper nutrition, which leads to headaches. The larynx begins to grow and the voice changes.
Musculoskeletal system. The tubular bones of the arms and legs and vertebrae grow rapidly. At the same time, the spine remains very mobile, the probability of its curvature is high. Large muscles grow faster than small ones, so it is difficult for the boy to work with small objects, he quickly gets tired. Teenagers at 11-12 years old look disproportionate: long arms and legs, big feet.
Leather. The changes that occur in the boy's body lead to the fact that the sebaceous glands begin to work more actively and irritations, rashes and pustules appear on the skin.
Nervous system. The brain begins to develop actively, especially the anterior sections of both hemispheres. The teenager begins to respond sharply to all the comments that are directed at him. Excitation prevails over inhibition, so adolescents are unbalanced, their mood often changes.
The work of the autonomic nervous system, which connects the spinal cord and brain with internal organs, is also not fully balanced. The blood vessels are poorly filled with blood, the pulse and breathing quicken, the brain lacks oxygen, dizziness and weakness appear. Vegetovascular dystonia is a frequent companion of adolescents.
Endocrine system. In boys at the age of 11-12, the thyroid gland begins to actively grow, which is responsible for the energy balance in the body. The sex glands also develop, and the amount of testosterone in the blood of boys increases.
About the effect of testosterone on the body of a man in general and a teenager in particular, see the video excerpt from the webinar "10 important secrets that mothers should know about boys."
Boys' behavior during adolescence
Internal changes have a very strong effect on the behavior of boys.
- become very emotional, even those who used to be calm. All this is accompanied by mood swings: in one minute, stormy joy can be replaced by intense sadness;
- looking for "thrill" and taking big risks;
- begin to pay attention to girls and want to like them;
- begin to consciously approach the choice of clothes and care for the skin;
- react painfully to comments and violently express disagreement;
- they don’t finish what they started, and sometimes they don’t start what they were talking about;
- get tired quickly;
- become irritable;
- they can do something energetically, and after a couple of minutes they fall on the bed exhausted.
Relations with girls at this age are difficult to build, one of the reasons is that it is at the age of 11-12 that girls are larger and stronger than boys. This affects the self-esteem of children.
Our free book "" will help you understand and cope with your son's emotions.
In general, if you look at what a teenager wants to be and what he really is from the outside, then these are almost two parallel worlds. Inside the boy is strong, handsome, the girls like him and he succeeds. And on the outside, he is still clumsy, disproportionate and with a changing voice.
Which boys show the most pronounced changes in behavior at the age of 11-12?
The visibility of changes in the behavior and health of the boy for him and those around him will also depend on what lifestyle he led in childhood and leads in adolescence.
Children who move a lot, go in for sports and generally lead an active lifestyle, are easier to endure the difficulties of adolescence. Physically, they develop more harmoniously and they have where to throw out excess energy, and sometimes aggression.
Such active boys even before adolescence make parents and other adults “nervous”, so their behavior change at the age of 11-12 is not so noticeable.
Boys who stay at home all the time, move little and may be overweight, have a much harder time. Their changes in health and behavior are more pronounced.
Adults who are used to a calm child can also find it difficult to readjust.
For parents who want to understand their children, and especially for mothers who want their sons to maximize their potential for courage, we have created a special training.
Remember: "Forewarned is forearmed"? The useful knowledge and practice that you will receive at the training will be a support, a foundation in order to help your son pass this difficult age with dignity, calmly and confidently.
This course only about boys, features of their physiology and outlook. During the training you will learn:
- how to understand and predict the behavior of your teenager in certain cases;
- about when to let go of the situation, and when, on the contrary, to take control;
- how, in a bond, mom-dad-son does not turn into a “swan, cancer and pike”;
- how your fears can poison your son's life.
The training will start on March 29 and will last 1.5 months. Details about the training program and conditions of participation.
Adolescence is also called the transitional age - the transition to adulthood and responsibility. This stage is difficult for both the boy and the parents. To help your son, you need to listen to him, understand him, accept the changes that are happening to him. You can not make fun of his appearance and relationships with girls.
A question for mothers of girls - is an article about physiological and behavioral changes in girls in adolescence needed?
This agreement is signed between children and adults with the aim of both maintaining peace and love in the family, and for the formation of useful and correct attitudes, values, habits of the family.
- Responsibilities of the parties: The child takes seriously the obligation to comply with the rules of harmony, development, beauty and order. Adults take the obligation to monitor compliance with the rules of the family no less seriously.
- The term of the contract is until the end of the current year. At the request of the parties, the contract can be quickly extended for any period.
- Dispute resolution procedure. All disputes are considered by the interested parties in a warm and friendly atmosphere. The decision is made within ten minutes. To resolve disputes, a justice of the peace (Petya), the most fair judge in the world, whose services are paid by the party who applied to him, can be involved.
- Changing the terms of the contract. The terms of the contract cannot be changed just like that. The parties are obliged to sincerely drink tea, respectfully discuss the new conditions and joyfully amend the existing contract. All exceptions are by agreement. These exceptions should bring joy to all participants and benefit our spiritual, mental and physical health.
Signatures of the parties
FAMILY RULES with KATYUSHA
THE BEAUTY
HARMONY
- Daily prayer: a) gratitude, b) repentance c) request
- Respect adults. Don't be rude.
- In case of disagreement - possible options for behavior: a) obey, silently do it with love and a smile; b) a constructive dispute (begins with the consent of the partner’s point of view, then we express our position. We discuss the pros and cons, we act).
- Not a drop of cold sharp evil. We solve all issues in a calm atmosphere, benevolently, do not raise our voice, do not swear.
- Do at least 1 good deed per day (help, care, donation, etc.)
ORDER
- Wardrobe - clean things are neatly folded, dirty things are in the wash.
- The desk is in full order, things in the room are put in their places until 22.00
- The bed must be made every morning.
- Be sure to clean up after yourself without being reminded.
- After eating, clean up after yourself and wash the dishes.
- Once a week cleaning in the apartment (what to do - determines the adult)
DEVELOPMENT
- In the diary, write down homework at school. Take home daily.
- In order not to forget your business - set a sound reminder in your phone
- Study well (without 3 in a quarter), try hard.
- At lessons and rehearsals, try to do everything that the teachers say
- TV, internet, computer. games: it is allowed to watch educational programs. Entertainment - by arrangement. How much and what to play / watch - an adult decides
Sanctions for breaking the rules
- Squat / push up / press
- Temporary deprivation (hugs/Temple/society/entertainment)
- Fine - 20 rubles
- We invent sanctions for ourselves
If the child has been smart all week, at the end of the week he receives a gift (a smile, a hug, a chocolate bar or a bonus). What - decides an adult.
From the editors of Psychologos:
First: the contract is real, daughter Katya is 9 years old, her mother is smart and talented. The atmosphere in the family is warm, everyone loves each other, but I want to improve discipline.
Second: many people have a question, how fair is the contract, which spells out the obligations of only one party? In our opinion, in this case, everything is fair. In many families, the requirements for children are either overestimated, or fuzzy and floating, while for what and how the child will be punished, no one knows, and the child cannot warn this. The same agreement says that quite understandable and certain things are required from the child, the sanctions are also known, and this makes the situation more understandable for the child. Such an agreement can be called an agreement on the boundaries of friendly relations: if the child fulfills it, the parents are obliged to treat him only in a friendly way, and not according to their mood. An analogue is the rules of the road: they define the duties of the driver and indicate the sanctions for a particular violation. Fine. This is traffic rules, not a bonded contract between drivers and the state.
If the child suddenly asks what are the duties of the parents, then this point is easy: the parents undertake to take care of the child and educate him. This is a huge job, there are a lot of very serious points here, if you write down at least the main ones, then the work of being a parent will no longer seem small ... Yes?
Videos from Yana Happiness: interview with professor of psychology N.I. Kozlov
Topics of conversation: What kind of woman do you need to be in order to successfully marry? How many times do men get married? Why are there so few normal men? Childfree. Parenting. What is love? A story that couldn't be better. Paying for the opportunity to be close to a beautiful woman.
Physiology of a child of ten or eleven years
Ten to eleven years is the time preceding. This period flows differently for everyone, for someone it is more or less painless, but for someone this process is psychologically difficult. It is accompanied by both changes in appearance and in character. And it is impossible to do anything here, because you can not argue with nature. Many children are embarrassed by the physiological changes taking place with them, and the task of parents is to prepare the child for those metamorphoses that are about to completely change his body.
Psychology of a child at ten or eleven years old
Psychologically, by the age of ten, a child noticeably matures. He is about to begin to rebel in any of its manifestations. It is very easy to lose authority. It is worth giving some slack somewhere or, conversely, going too far - and that thin psychological thread that connects you with the child will break. The paradox of this age is that a teenager is better influenced by strangers than his own parents. And it is influenced by many, many things.
As a rule, at ten or eleven years old, a child becomes more interesting in the company of peers than in yours. Do not forbid the child to communicate with those who you do not like, criticize friends and generally express negative emotions excessively in relation to those who surround your offspring. You can be sure that everything will be done exactly the opposite - just out of a sense of contradiction. Even if you do not like someone from your child's company, try to calmly tell him about it. The wording “I forbid you to communicate with him” is categorically not suitable. On the contrary, emphasize that you respect his choice, but ask to pay attention to some qualities of character that, in your opinion, do not really correspond to the status of a friend or girlfriend.
10 years is the time or for sports camps. This option (provided that the place where you are going to send your son or daughter, proven and worthy) is close to ideal. In the camp, your child is both independent and supervised. You can combine business with pleasure and send your child to a specialized camp - sports or one that specializes in learning foreign languages.
Tips for Parents of a Ten-Eleven-Year-Old Child
Try to come to terms with the fact that your child is gradually moving away from you, do not try to tie him to you by force. Some degree of control is definitely needed. But it is not worth responding to aggression with aggression. To convince a child who actively asserts his own "I" in anything is possible only through negotiations. Advise, but don't be intrusive. Be persistent, but do not push too hard - the effect will be just the opposite. Come up with some joint activities that will be interesting for both you and your child. It happens that the parents of a friend or girlfriend are more respected by the child than his own. The reasons can be very different: from the personal qualities of other people's parents to the fear that the child experiences in front of his own. At ten or eleven years old, a person is already old enough, and relationships with him largely depend on the ability of those who are older to cooperate.
You can often hear the conversations of indignant ladies that modern men are irresponsible, lazy and do not differ in masculinity at all. In many respects, of course, they are right. But after all, it is women who most often bring up their sons in such a way that they grow up as infantile people. How to properly educate a boy so that he becomes a real man who is able to be responsible for his actions and people close to him? We will try to answer this difficult question in our article.
Developmental psychology
Education is a complex process that must begin at birth and continue throughout life. The ability of a man to engage in self-development in his mature years and acquire the very masculinity that women so want to see depends on how correct and successful it will be in childhood and adolescence.
If it is important for a child to feel the boundless protection and love of a mother in the first years of his life, then 
as they grow older, the example and authority of the father should occupy an increasingly significant place in the life of the boy.
At the age of 7, the baby begins a new, very important stage in his life - the beginning of growing up. It is this period that will become the base on which he will unconsciously rely all his life.
You can’t start raising your son at the age of 10 and expect good results from him. It's pointless. In order to understand how to properly educate a boy of this age, it is necessary to know the features of his psychophysical development in the period from 7 to 11 years.
These difficult years will become indicators of relationships in the family, will reveal all the mistakes of upbringing committed earlier.
special age
Parents begin to reap the first fruits of their upbringing with the onset of their son's decade. It is this age that is characterized by special changes in the physiology and psychology of the child.
In children of 10 years old, a rapid restructuring of the body begins, which is accompanied by the growth of the skeletal system and blood vessels. While the heart muscles do not always keep up with the rest of the organs.
The beginning of puberty causes the strongest hormonal changes, which are responsible for the deterioration of memory and attention, and the decrease in intellectual abilities. Moreover, the excitability of the nervous system significantly exceeds the processes of its inhibition, which is expressed in irritability and resentment, harsh judgments and the inability to control one's emotions.
Raising a 10 year old boy cannot be successful without taking into account all these physical and mental changes.
Psychological manifestations of age
A 10-year-old child clearly shows changes in relationships in the family. The boy is trying in every possible way to demonstrate his growing up and his own opinion on all issues. This is especially true of the relationship with the mother. He starts being rude and trying to prove his case.
Peak emotional and unstable behavior occurs at age eleven. By this age, with an incorrectly built line of family behavior, depressive states and immersion in oneself, manifestations of aggression and complete refusal to cooperate are possible.
Peers begin to have an increasing influence on a ten-year-old boy. Surrounded by peers, his behavior changes beyond recognition.
Educational activity is characterized by an unstable character: restlessness is suddenly replaced by thoughtfulness or excessive zeal.
Despite the external aggressive desire for independence, in these years, boys more than ever need support from their relatives. Not receiving the approval of loved ones, their anxieties and fears intensify, which leads to even greater isolation and aggressiveness.
Psychological studies have shown that boys of 11 years old have the lowest level of self-esteem compared to other age periods.
Team approval
If at the age of 7 for a boy the main motivational moment in his life was education, when there was an assessment of solvency in terms of educational achievements, then by the age of ten the situation begins to change. The boy no longer cares how the teacher evaluates him: the personal significance of himself is formed through authority among his peers. A fierce competition for leadership begins.
Starting from the age of eight, the child begins to study the boundaries of what is permitted, studying them more and more actively every year. Only boys explore this issue with practical actions that may end up breaking the law. The social development of children of 8 years old is gradually becoming more active.
At this time, it is important for parents to analyze every statement and statement of their son. During conversations, you should be unobtrusively interested in who the boy is friends with, what he does with friends. Get ready for the fact that a growing man will no longer share everything at once.
At the same time, you should not reassure yourself that your son is friends only with “decent” guys. These boys are also testing their limits, experimenting and proving their leadership.
In the children's team, a clear distribution of roles begins, and it is based on relationships with peers. As a rule, the position, determined by the team at the age of 8, becomes unshakable, and it is quite difficult for a boy to move to “another level”.
Leader, helper, weakling, scapegoat, nerd - this is an approximate list of basic positions that are most often distributed subconsciously.
Boys who know how to defend their position become leaders and their assistants. And more often 
they only do it with the help of their fists. If for some reason a child cannot stand up for his “honor”, his authority among his peers drops sharply and it will be extremely difficult for him to correct the situation.
When raising children of this age, it is important to take into account the main contradiction: the desire to be the same as everyone else and stand out clearly among their peers. The self-affirmation of boys occurs due to friendship with older children, whose authority is unshakable for them. That is why at this age there is a great danger of addiction to bad habits and obscene expressions.
Requirements and control
When working with children, it is now very important to regulate the requirements and their submission. Recall that an adult is no longer an authority, so all demands and requests are perceived as wrong and unnecessary.
The child begins to determine for himself life values, which can often run counter to parental ideals. He does not yet fully understand their meaning and content, but he begins to vigorously defend them, entering into conflicts that seem stupid and meaningless to adults.
Moreover, the period of study in the middle link provides for the work of different teachers, each of which has its own position and requirements. The boy gradually moves "to his own territory", in which there is less and less room for adults.
Self-affirmation is an essential element of growing up. Stubbornness and unwillingness to be under the control of adults increasingly takes the form of conflict. Right now, the boys choose those requirements that they are ready to obey, since they do not violate their "sovereignty". The correct position of adults will allow them to make the right choice, because the whole future life position depends on it.
At the age of eight, the first emotional experiences associated with the opposite sex begin to appear. At the same time, boys do not know how to properly express their emotions. The task of adults is to direct them in the right direction, explaining that the manifestation of such feelings is natural and necessary.
In no case should you laugh at the boy's feelings, especially in the presence of peers! After all, you can undermine his authority, which it will be difficult for him to win again.
This period is dangerous experiments. The boys demonstrate their courage, strength and dexterity. Exactly 
therefore, news reports are constantly updated with information about boys taking selfies on the roofs of high-rise buildings or moving trains. Violent fights, which must be recorded on a mobile phone camera, are another way to prove your courage.
Parents are obliged during this period to know as much as possible about their sons and to control their actions as unobtrusively as possible! Otherwise, the demonstration of superiority can end very badly.
Proper cooperation
How to raise a boy of 9 years old so that a real man grows out of him?
First of all, the upbringing of the boy during this period should be based on cooperation and trust. And on the trust of the son to the parents, and not vice versa.
Adults should enable the boy to realize himself in society, teach him to identify the most effective and correct ways of communication, correct low self-esteem and shortcomings. Only with the help of parents can personal contradictions be avoided.
If adults do not take an active part in the self-affirmation of their sons, encourage reasonable boundaries of freedom and the ability to defend their position correctly, this is fraught with the following consequences:
- The child becomes aggressive, thus expressing a protest against the rejection of adults;
- Cynicism and manipulation of human weaknesses appear, and parents most often come under fire;
- Hypocrisy and weakness will become a manifestation of self-affirmation through intrigue and adaptation to circumstances;
- The inability to protect oneself from the manifestation of aggression of the stronger is expressed in the constant search for patrons. Such boys in male society are usually called "sixes".
To avoid such developmental malformations, raising children of this age should help meet the two most important needs:
- The need to communicate with peers. It is important to encourage any communication with peers outside the school walls;
- The need to assert one's own tastes and preferences. Let the boy choose games, friends or clothes on his own. After all, the formation of one's own opinion and line of behavior is possible only by trial and error.
Remember! These are not maturing sons who must adapt to your value system. It is you, the parents, who must be able to readjust in time and learn to cooperate with your child. The difficult period of growing up does not tolerate authoritarianism, it needs partnership.
- Find the golden mean between severity and affection. Both are vital for growing boys;
- The child should feel that parents will always come to the rescue, support in any situation. Help should not consist in punishing the offender, but in clarifying the conflict situation, with its full analysis;
- Give the boy freedom of choice, only in this way can he grow up as a man who is aware of the responsibility for the act he has done;
- Do not criticize, but suggest;
- Don't let your son feel humiliated: don't insult him;
- Love your child and be sure to tell him about this love as often as possible. Regardless of age, the son wants to know that his parents love him not for his achievements, but for the fact that he is their son.
Raising a child of 10-11 years old is a difficult task. Only those parents who managed to show maximum respect and love for their maturing son during this difficult period will be able to cope with it.