A woman certainly wants to have a strong family, which is connected by relationships without fears and reproaches. However, such dreams do not always come true. And then the thought arises of leaving her husband and starting a new life. At first, it can even scare. However, appearing more and more often, such a thought becomes more familiar, accompanying its mistress literally for days on end. But at the same time, a woman may hesitate to take such a step for a long time, feeling sorry for her husband. This makes her suffer even more. So how do you leave your husband to start a new life?
Reasons for breaking up
A happy woman can only be in union with her beloved man. That is why the representatives of the weaker sex, based on their age, social status and worldview, are looking for that life partner with whom they will be really comfortable.
However, not every one of them manages to meet the ideal the first time. A woman falls in love with a man and recognizes him. But when she realizes that he is not at all the person whom she would like to see near her, the moment of parting comes.
Why do wives leave their husbands? Among the main reasons, psychologists distinguish:
- Drunkenness, drug addiction. This is the biggest reason for breaking up a relationship. A man who consumes alcohol or drugs excessively becomes indifferent to his family and short-tempered over time. He has lost interest in life.
- Physical violence. Parting with such a man is the way to save yourself and your children.
- Constant betrayal. There are women who close their eyes to the adventures of their husbands. They try to save the marriage at any cost. Those wives who cannot forgive betrayal part with their soul mates without any regret. Over time, you can hear from them: “I don’t love my husband.”
- Perception of a woman as a free application. This is also one of the reasons for the breakup. Over time, wives begin to understand that their husbands need them only to ensure their comfortable and cozy living.
- Character differences. Women often leave men because they understand that their union has no future.
- The unwillingness of the spouse to have children. There are many reasons for this. But a woman who realizes that she is losing her last chance to have a child will certainly leave her husband forever.
- Lack of love. A woman should not try to portray passion. If she can say with confidence: “I don’t love my husband,” then she must decide to part. Sooner or later, but it will be inevitable. The same can be said about the situation when a woman says: "I don't want a husband." Sharing a bed with such a person is not worth it.
- The unwillingness of the husband to provide for the family. If the spouse does not work and does not even try to start looking for a job, then the woman should not support him.
Why is it so hard to break up?
How to leave your husband? After all, sometimes it is very difficult to decide on parting, especially if many years have been lived with a person under the same roof. Psychologists identify several reasons why women are afraid of divorce:
- material dependency. It is very difficult to start a new life when the apartment, car and much more is the property of the husband. Often situations arise when a woman simply has nowhere to go. That is why she continues to live with her unloved spouse.
- Habit. Sometimes it is difficult for a woman to leave not at all because of love. She continues to be around an unloved man out of habit. An established life does not allow her to make drastic changes in her life.
- Child. A woman wants her children to be brought up in a complete family. However, this is not at all a reason to put an end to your own life.
- Threats. Sometimes men intimidate their wives so that they do not leave them. The woman does not dare to ignore the threats because of fear for her life.
What to do?
How to leave your husband? The development of an action plan will depend on the circumstances that led to such a decision. Psychologists advise a woman to remember when the thought of leaving her husband first came to her. If such an idea arose in the heat of the moment, then you should simply forget about it. After all, there are such emotional couples who are going to get divorced with enviable regularity. It happens that they nevertheless bring this matter to an end, but after a few months they converge again.
Otherwise, one has to argue for those women in whom such a thought has been ripening in their minds for a long time. Most likely, it does not arise at all by chance, but because of a series of circumstances that do not suit them.
How to leave your husband? Psychologists advise women to think about their step literally to the smallest detail before making a decision. In this case, only your desires and feelings should be taken into account. In cases where a husband cheats, beats or humiliates, it is not worth justifying such a spouse. No man should allow himself such an attitude towards any woman. And even if he asks for forgiveness and repents of his act, sooner or later this will certainly happen again.
A woman who decides to part should think about where she will go, what she will do and how she will arrange her life.
Conversation with husband
And so the woman made a firm decision to part with her husband. How to tell your husband that I'm leaving, so that he understands that this is not blackmail at all, not a whim or a cruel joke? Everything will depend on what result the representative of the weaker sex wants to receive.
In order to part with friends, you will need to follow some recommendations from psychologists. They will allow you to solve the problem without scandals and continue normal relations. What are these tips:
- above all, keep calm;
- do not make mutual accusations and forget about past grievances;
- forgive the husband
- keep the conversation calm;
- take care of your own safety.
These rules can be very difficult to follow. It is especially difficult to do this in the case when there is a long life together, and the husband is not a bad person at all. That is why it is worth preparing for such a conversation in advance.
How to start a conversation about divorce, because it is quite difficult to report such news? Before talking, it is recommended to take a mild sedative. However, in this case, you should not abuse alcohol or use drugs. It is unlikely that such a step will be the right one.
How to start a conversation about divorce? Psychologists do not recommend telling a man the whole truth, for example, that he is such and such, does not provide for his family, does not look after children, smokes, drinks, beats, cheats and walks. Such a beginning of the conversation will lead to the fact that a woman will hear a lot of impartial things about herself. In addition, the accusations against the spouse will cause him aggression. And this will certainly lead to a waste of extra nerves, a deterioration in health, etc.
How do wives leave their husbands? A woman should prepare her speech in advance. You need to start it with the following: picking up the right moment, tell your husband that they are different people, and their further life path diverges. Of course, many things can go completely wrong. However, the woman will know what to talk about, and will not remain silent in response to her husband's reproaches. And for this, she should answer for herself the following questions, which will certainly sound in a conversation:
- Decision time. You need to understand that the thought of divorce is not at all accidental. At the same time, you should not come up with soap operas, but present only dry facts and figures to your spouse.
- Having a lover. The presence of another man in the life of his woman is especially humiliating for the representatives of the stronger sex. In order to avoid scenes of jealousy and mortal resentment, it is better not to talk about it. Otherwise, scandal cannot be avoided.
- Reason for divorce. In this case, you need to describe the problem that exists in the family.
Such a list can be continued indefinitely. A woman who has been married for a sufficiently long period must herself understand what her husband may ask her. By preparing the answers in advance, she will be able to show more confidence in the conversation, avoiding weakness and tears.
Responsiveness
How to leave your husband painlessly? To do this, psychologists recommend learning to forgive. This is not easy to do. However, everything that has been said and done in the past must remain there. Otherwise, instead of talking about divorce, you get a regular scandal. Sometimes the consequences of such a drama are rather sad, starting from the hospital and ending with the prison. That is why you should take care of your own safety. After all, she is above everything.
How to get away from a loving husband, because his response can manifest itself in the form of tears and prayers? However, if a woman has firmly decided on a divorce, then she should not back down. After all, most likely, the man is simply blackmailing her, and you should not succumb to this. But in any case, before starting a conversation, it is better to ask relatives or friends to be somewhere nearby, for example, in the next room or in the stairwell. After all, a man in a state of passion is capable of aggression, which could not be expected from him.
If there is a child in the family
A woman who decides to leave her husband in order to start a new life must think everything through in advance. Especially if she, having left her husband, will be left without money. When deciding to divorce, the child should be informed of this. A woman will have to choose the right words for him in advance. This will allow the child to correctly assess the situation. Young children will miss their dad at first. And only in time they will calm down.
The child should not say something negative about the father. And if in the future they want to communicate with each other, then there is no need to prevent this.
When leaving a husband, it is worth considering the issue of alimony in advance. A qualified lawyer can help you with this. In addition, spouses can draw up an agreement in which they will prescribe the order of communication between children and their father, his participation in their upbringing, etc. And only in the case when the husband is not going to sign such a document, you will need to apply for alimony.
Sometimes it is difficult for a woman to decide on a divorce, being pregnant or having a small child under one year in her arms. In this situation, you need to have close people nearby who can provide the necessary assistance.
Divorce is not easy even when the child has reached adolescence. The woman will have to tell him about the reasons for making such a decision, pointing out that it will be safer and better this way. The child will grow up and in time will be able to understand everything.
Sometimes children need the help of a psychologist. Sometimes only a specialist can eliminate the mental problems that arise as a result of a divorce.
However, do not try to maintain the appearance of a family only for the sake of children. After all, the time will come, and they, already grown up, will definitely ask their mother why she suffered for so many years. In the case when there is no love between dad and mom, there is no atmosphere of mutual trust and happiness and cannot be. Adults in such families often make scandals that negatively affect the psyche of children. Boys and girls take an example from their parents and transfer their mistakes into their future life.
If the husband is a tyrant
Love in family life plays an important role in creating relationships. But will there be a place for her if the husband periodically beats his wife? Having decided to leave the tyrant, a woman needs to take care of the place where she will live in advance. In this case, parents or friends can help. You can also rent an apartment in another city or region.
A good option for a woman with a child would be a crisis center. Its specialists will provide medical and psychological support, as well as be able to provide temporary housing.
Of course, the unknown is always scary. However, a woman must prove to herself that she is ready to fight resolutely for her freedom.
How to get away from a tyrant husband if he does not let go? It is worth remembering that the longer a woman lives with such a spouse, the stronger her psychological dependence on him becomes. After all, constant attempts to please such a person, fulfilling all the requirements, will form self-doubt. That is why psychologists recommend not to delay making a decision and get away from the tyrant as soon as possible.
In this case, a woman should think about why a man is needed who constantly spoils her nerves. After that, you need to believe in yourself in order to become a person again. A beautiful, intelligent and self-confident woman should not tolerate violence in any form, as well as bullying.
If the husband is jealous
This feeling has destroyed many families. Pathological jealousy kills love, replacing it with hatred. It is not surprising that a woman may eventually say: "I do not want a husband."
Anyone who believes that her husband's jealousy has gone too far should not wait for the fate of Desdemona. If the husband is jealous for no reason, what to do in this case? Do not regret anything, do not hold on to material wealth, but simply leave before it is too late.
The experience of those women who left their jealous spouses suggests that parting is not as scary as it seems at the beginning. It is only necessary to "cut from the shoulder." This will avoid possible violence and scandalous scenes. It is not worth pitying such a person. After all, it is unlikely that he experienced such a feeling, tormenting his wife for years. How can we talk about love if a woman cannot live a day without a sedative?
Psychologists advise not to speak about their decision to a jealous husband in advance. It is advisable to leave him quickly and without any warning.
If the husband is a drunkard
Alcoholism is a serious problem of our time. And if it affected your family, then the negligent husband, who from a charming and sweet young man gradually turned into a degrading personality, should leave as soon as possible in order to start life from scratch. This will allow a woman to get a chance and find a man who will appreciate her.
How to leave an alcoholic husband? He must be informed of his decision clearly and clearly, indicating that no action is being taken on his part to improve the situation. A woman should be prepared for the fact that her husband begins to beg and beg her, promising to stop drinking. But you should not believe this. After all, most likely, such a promise is far from the first.
You should not take gifts from this person and meet him. If the ex-spouse will constantly disturb, then it is better to change the phone and temporarily rent housing in another area.
If a woman is afraid that when a divorce is announced, a drunken husband will start to make a brawl, then she should leave him at the time when he is at work, leaving only a note.
If a woman still does not want to destroy the family, then, having left her alcoholic husband, she can watch him from the side. After all, one always wants to hope that there is even a ghostly chance that he will come to his senses and recover from his addiction.
If the husband does not work
It is so accepted in human society that the head of the family is the breadwinner for her. However, if everything happens differently in life, and the husband is only annoyed by the conversation, the topic of which concerns his employment?
There is only one way out for a woman. She should offer him to look for work or leave. It should be borne in mind that it is impossible to force a man who fundamentally does not want this to work. That is why in such a situation the last word remains with the woman. How to leave a husband who does not work? First of all, determine for yourself whether it is worth continuing to live with a spouse who does not want to take responsibility for the family and does not hesitate to be a burden for her.
We start a new life
The most difficult period will be the first months after the break. It will take time to clean up your thoughts and settle down well in a new place.
Psychologists give advice on how to start a new life for a woman after breaking up with her husband. If she has friends, hobbies and work, then she should literally go into social or creative activities with her head. You can go on a trip or engage in other activities.
It is more difficult to start from scratch for those women who previously dealt with only one house. They are faced with the task of finding a profitable business and becoming independent. It is not worth hoping that it will be possible to get a highly paid prestigious position with a long break in the seniority. You will have to start almost from scratch, but you should not refuse at first from the smallest. Still, it will be better than living with a man you don't love.
A new job will allow you to make friends, overcome depression and re-arrange all life priorities.
Hello! This is not the first time I have addressed you and I am very grateful for the help you provide to people. I am 30. The fact is that half a year ago my husband left me. I was left alone with a child in my arms with no means of subsistence. For the first two months he did not appear at all, he was not interested in his son. I was worried, it was very hard how the child would be without a father, how I would be without him. I coped with my depression mainly on psychological forums, talked with friends and found a lot of new things to do. At one point, I decided to chat with men. I registered on a dating site and a week later I started a correspondence with a guy. He is my peer. It is very interesting for me to communicate with him, we have a lot in common and he absolutely does not care that I have a son. But, the fact is that my husband began to come and moreover without warning, although I ask him to call in advance, he ignores in every possible way. At each visit, he asks his son, ‘how many men came?’. When I ask him to sit with his son, he makes it clear that I should stay at home while my son is small. All this makes me very stressed. I don’t feel anything for him, I look at him now with different eyes. I don’t know how the relationship with the Internet guy will develop, but I definitely won’t be with him. Please advise how to explain to him that now he is not and will not be in my life. It is as if he does not hear me and does everything on purpose. Thank you in advance. Sincerely.
TheSolution psychologist's answer:
Your ex-husband violates your boundaries
If you filed for divorce legally and the court determined the place of residence of the child with you, then your family now consists of two people. Accordingly, the ex-husband is a stranger who does not have any rights in your family.
When your ex-husband comes to you unannounced, he violates your personal boundaries. When he asks his son a question about your personal life, he violates the boundaries of the family subsystem. The child should not be related to the personal life of his mother. The son cannot count your lovers, his business is to develop and play games. Psychological manipulation games - "Scandal" and "Hit me" - this is clearly an unhealthy experience for your baby.
Your ex-husband does not realize that he is not a member of your family
Your ex-husband is jealous of you and is trying to control you, that is, to rule over you. This is due to the fact that he treats you like his property. Please note that your ex-husband wants power over you, an adult and independent woman, but does not want to bear his share of responsibility. So, when you ask him (!), And do not demand to sit with the child, he "makes it clear that you should stay at home while the son is small." This is an attempt to control, irresponsible behavior and emotional abuse of you. You are being forced into a lifestyle that is uncomfortable for you. At the same time, the ex-husband is removed from his parental duties. If your ex-husband has not been deprived of parental rights, then he needs to understand the following. You and him not only have equal rights in relation to the child, but also equal responsibilities. If he doesn't want to do his part in raising children, then you can start a lot of unpleasant legal procedures.
Your new love life doesn't involve your ex-husband
Leaving the family, your ex-spouse should have understood that you can find a new love and choose a new man. Another man may love you and your son from your first marriage, you may have a great relationship in a new family. Now your ex-husband is doomed to suffering. This is retribution for the irresponsible attitude towards the family, which he ultimately lost. It can be said that a well-deserved punishment for a man who ruined the life of both you and his own son.
Actions explain better than words.
If you have filed a legal divorce, you do not need to explain anything to anyone. You can change the lock and prevent your ex-husband from being on your property without a prior call. You can install a burglar alarm. If the ex-husband wants to enter an apartment or house without your knowledge, law enforcement agencies will come. The story with ex-husbands is a classic of the genre for district police officers and private security companies. Your ex-spouse will have to pay for his decision to leave you with a young child for the rest of his life. Such is the price of immoral acts.
Contact a lawyer
Just because your ex-husband has been in your bed for a while doesn't give him the right to unceremoniously invade your life now. He is a stranger who takes advantage of your kindness and willingness to forgive insults. What would you do if a stranger from the street opened the door to your apartment, came to you when he pleases? Probably, you would begin to defend yourself against such annoying anxiety, call the district police officer and ask you to put the stranger out the door. The same principle applies to ex-husbands. You are not required to let your ex-husband into your territory, you are not required to report to him. This is a person who may retain the duties of maintaining a child, but he certainly has no rights to your territory and interference in your personal life.
Today, text messages (SMS) are an indispensable communication option. SMS not only allows people to stay in touch all the time, but has even become a fashionable way to convey their feelings. Here you will find some options for texting an ex-boyfriend in prose that you can send him to ask for forgiveness, convince him to return and be together again.
SMS to an ex-boyfriend in prose
1. My world is a better place thanks to you. Don't leave.
2. Being away from you is unbearably difficult. Can we be together again?
3. Let's take it all back! I'm so sorry this happened and I can't live without you.
4. I will wait as long as it takes to be with you again.
5. After parting with a loved one, you need to forgive and forget everything. But if you don't forgive me, I can't do it.
6. I can't forget you. You are always in my thoughts and my heart.
7. You are my whole world! Don't leave.
8. If you do not want to listen to me, I will be very hurt. If you are not by my side, I will not be able to live. If you don't come back to me, I'll just die.
9. If I could fix what happened ... But alas, it's not in my power. I'm really sorry. Come back to me, honey.
10. I miss you so much it breaks my heart. Let's start over.
11. Our future depends on this apology message! Accept them and give us a chance.
12. Maybe I'm wrong, but if I don't, I'll never be happy. I am sorry. You are still so close, here in my heart...
13. You always know what to do. You always know the correct answer. You know many different things. But do you know that I still love you?
14. I may not be perfect, but I love you more than others. Let's make up and be together again.
15. I think about you when I go to bed. I think about you when I wake up. My thoughts are always about you.
16. Let's get our lives back on track. Please accept my apologies for this to happen.
17. Being away from you is the most difficult thing in my life. Let's forget our grievances?
18. Let's bring everything back the way it was before! I'm sorry and I can't live without you.
19. Perhaps I was wrong, my love. Let's forget our differences.
20. Here, I take the first step towards and let the disagreements remain in the past.
21. I can't forget about you. I don't want to learn to live without you. Let's take it all back!
22. You are always in my thoughts and in my heart. Only you! I'm sorry.
23. Asking for forgiveness is the first step to repairing a broken relationship. Will you accept it?
24. Even now, when we are far from each other, my love for you will not fade away.
25. If I could take my words back ... But it's not in my power. I can only ask for forgiveness. I'm sorry!
Question to the psychologist:
Hello! My husband and I have been married for almost 5 years, we have a little son. I married for love, but over time, my feelings faded. My husband often got drunk, he did not react to my requests not to do this. Then financial problems began: I was on maternity leave, and my husband could not provide for us, although he worked in a fairly high position. As it turned out later, he secretly gave part of the money to his mother, wanted to help her, covered her loans (mother worked and received a pension), and my son and I were almost starving. Very often he was seen in lies, both in large matters and in small things. Why he lied to me, I don’t know ... But he lied very skillfully, you won’t understand right away. All this led to the fact that a year ago I left him, and in April we were officially divorced. I want to build a different life, I have a beloved man. But the ex-husband still hopes that I will return to him. He still wears a wedding ring and proves to everyone around that everything is fine with us, although everyone knows about our divorce. At some point, I made the mistake of feeling sorry for him (feeling guilty that I initiated the divorce) and entered into a friendly dialogue with him. I began to say that everything would be fine with him, he would find something better than me, and we could remain friends, etc. After that, he "sat on his head." He tries to make me feel even more guilty, each time tearfully telling how he loves me and how his life is falling apart, that without me he will commit suicide ... Demands that I text him, call him "just like that", inclines to intimacy ... I am very tired of this press. How to convey to him that we are already strangers and we have no future?
The psychologist Nadezhda Sergeevna Seliverstova answers the question.
Hello Anastasia!
I understand that you feel guilty about leaving your husband. But, you didn’t leave a wonderful husband who did everything for your family. He deceived you, lied to you, drank, etc. It was your decision to end this relationship, which you had every right to, this is your life, and you decide how you want to live it.
It is quite possible that he understood your kindness in his own way and decided that he had a chance to return you. His suicide threats are just manipulative and you have to understand that. The fact that he inclines you to intimacy is generally beyond the scope. Tell him that your man is jealous of you, and this relationship is important to you, so you can't communicate anymore. Tell him that he has no right to demand anything from you. The sooner you do this, the better. Otherwise, he may even try to set you up in front of a new man in order to return you. Don't bring the situation to this. After that, be on the lookout for a while anyway, you don't know what's in the former's head.
Of course, you feel sorry for him, but pull yourself together and break off these relationships that do not bring you anything good. You already tried to help him, he decided to use it, so do not feel sorry for him anymore. Whether he understands right away or not does not depend entirely on you. But you should not give slack in a conversation with him, tell him everything clearly and clearly, and after that no longer be fooled by his manipulations. If you start feeling sorry for him again, it won't end. Do not be alone with him, talk to him in a public place or on the phone.
How to communicate with an ex-husband if feelings are still alive and there is a joint child?
Oh what a difficult question. You can say this: fate sent you a difficult test. Not only do you need to go through the pain of betrayal, the feeling of being useless, go through the feeling of abandonment, but also strangle your pride (torment: “Instead of me they preferred another”, “She is better”), and this is almost unbearable for the fragile “I” . You can try to pass on your own, or you can seek psychological help. I want to tell you how the help of a psychologist can be useful.
First you need to recognize the fact that you are no longer loved and all the delights of love go to another. By no effort of will you can completely change your relationship with your ex-husband until you go through all the stages of a painful separation.
burn away parting
All these bitter feelings can be experienced, weep, grieve, but ... alone. And it is best now not to know or hear anything about him, about the former. And here you have to communicate, because there is a joint child and you, like a normal mother, do not want to act to the detriment of the baby and deprive him of his father.
I can write a lot of advice on how to behave with the former, how not to drop your dignity in him and, most importantly, in your own eyes. And even offer you a psychological consultation. But will it help you when your heart hurts, resentment eats from the inside, and your own unsettled life adds fuel to the fire of pain?
By no effort of will you can completely change your attitude towards your ex-husband and, accordingly, your behavior until you go through all the stages of a painful separation. I foresee your reaction: “How long can you go through a breakup? I've already gotten over my pain." So, if you experienced it, then the question of how to behave would not arise. It would not throw you from one extreme to another.
What happened to you and your family is a real tragedy, and there is no need to downplay and devalue the power of your experiences. But you did not truly let your husband go to another woman, did not accept his betrayal, you tried, but in reality you did not forgive him.
The path to true forgiveness is not easy. And with the help of some beliefs and reasonable explanations, it is impossible to come to it. Only after living through all the pain and finding in yourself the internal correspondences of the situation, accepting everything and forgiving everyone, you will be able to forgive your husband.
By not breaking up with him, you do not allow other men to enter your life. Every time you struggle with your feelings, you waste your energy, and then you have no strength left for anything else. You need to see and realize the harm you are doing to yourself and your life, to recognize your helplessness and the powerlessness of trying to change anything and gain control over yourself. Only then can you start your journey.
What is happening now? You do not give up the idea that you can influence yourself and the situation. You are asking for an algorithm of actions that will help you build the tactics of your behavior. But I'm sure you know perfectly well how you need to behave, hence all your attempts to accept and forgive, to pretend that nothing happened ... fatigue and anger - because there is pain inside you. You are fighting with yourself. And this is the road to nowhere.
Rules of conduct with an ex-husband
It's hard for me to say briefly what to do. There are exercises and meditations that trigger the experience of grief. But you will have to experience painful feelings yourself. My psychological help consists only in support and help in choosing a direction, in explaining some things. But your feelings for you, I will not live.
My 6 month program and is designed to support in such a situation. Working in a group helps you fully live your pain, and the feeling of similarity with the fate of other women will strengthen you. Lets you know that you are not alone in this situation.
At the end of September will begin.
Sign up for a group, and together with you we will begin a difficult path of experiences, following which you will discover a lot of interesting, useful, although at times, perhaps, unpleasant.
So, how to behave with an ex-husband correctly?
1. Try to talk to him only about the child. Do not ask him about business, about life and do not tell about yourself. Even if he is interested. Try to be gentle with the answer. Getting involved in communication, you give him your energy, and thereby attach yourself to him, and you absolutely do not need this. Save your strength for yourself. Don't feed your ex with your energy.
2. Try to emotionally distance yourself when communicating with him. Step back. Don't get involved in conversations. Be polite, but no more. If you can keep your interactions with him to a minimum, do it.
Although, apparently, it is still important for you to see him, you want to look into his eyes, to understand whether he is happy. And all these questions arise... Are you significant to him? Did he love you? Is it bored? Does he regret the past? Does he want to return?
3. Do not ask the child about the father, about conversations between them, do not try to find out information about the ex-husband.
4. Do not forbid the former partner to see the child, but the transfer of the child must be done in the way you want. Don't try to be comfortable and a good, understanding ex-wife.
5. Don't let him know that you love and are waiting for him. Do not show or prove to him that you have no one. But do not do the opposite, demonstrating the presence of another man in your life. Be impervious to him. Let him know nothing about you.
6. This is the most difficult and difficult moment. Try not to forbid him to invite the child to a new family. I know that it is very difficult and difficult to allow a child to spend time not only with his father, but also with his woman. This is not an easy test.
But if you can let go of your husband, then this item will become feasible for you. The fact is that the new darling may turn out to be a jealous lady, she may begin to put forward her conditions to the man. She is unlikely to like that she does not take part in the life of a partner. And then it can affect the frequency of meetings between the father and the child.
Therefore, if this has happened in your life, let your child become richer - find another family and experience a different relationship model.
Maybe soon you will create a new union, and the child, communicating with members of both families, will grow up in a healthier environment.
Although I understand that these are only the right words. And having lost a husband, it is almost unbearable to share a child with him, especially if he is the only one. But still, probably not immediately, but allow this thought.
7. Try not to discuss the already ex-husband in the presence of a child - he will not understand your pain, but will only get confused in the situation. After all, he loves both you and his father, and you are both dear to him. There is no need to create a persecutor-victim-rescue triangle where you play the role of the victim. And don't make the child your lifesaver. Subsequently, all this will go sideways for him.
If you have a daughter, then you will form a not quite correct image of a man in her, and it will be difficult for her to trust a man, to love her chosen one. If you have a son, then his identification with men may suffer, which will then affect his ability to earn money and be successful.
Yes, and you yourself ... The more you think and talk about your husband, the more involved in these relationships. And they are already in the past for you, which you need to let go! Don't create an emotional funnel that will be very difficult for you to get out of later.
Of course, with the help of articles, I can only provide a little psychological help and support. At programs, webinars, in my book, I give both meditations and exercises that help to cope with feelings, to go through inner work.
One year of waiting
If you still love your husband, then most likely you want him back, and the hope of a reunion does not let go of Wax. What to do in this situation? Trying to get your ex back or not? Should any action be taken for this?
There are no recipes that are equally suitable for everyone. But here you are in danger of immersing yourself in your expectations and hoping in vain for the return of your husband and thus losing several years, or even many years of your life. Of course, if you decide for yourself that you no longer want to have any business with men and the memories of the former are more than enough for you, then this approach is quite acceptable. But if, nevertheless, you do not want to spend your whole life in unjustified expectations and hopes, then set a period for yourself, for example, one year. Tell yourself if after a year your husband does not return, then you will cut him out of your life and will learn to live without him.
One year is enough to choose your path. And if the ex-husband lived for a year with another woman, then I think the chances of his return and generally greatly decreased. Although life has its own rules, and here nothing can be unambiguously stated.
You can really wait one year, but then start building your life without an ex. And I would strongly recommend you not just to wait for his return, but to take care of yourself, your inner world, your soul. In any case, you have to go through a breakup, even if there is hope for the return of a partner.
If you cannot internally part with him, let him go, then all your attempts to return him are most likely doomed to failure. You can return someone only if in your soul you let go of this person and survived all the pain of betrayal and parting. If this did not happen, it means that you have not changed internally, and therefore, your relationship, even if your husband returns, will remain the same.
After parting with a man, reduce the importance of your desire to return him, trust the space of your destiny. It will be what is best for you.
Hope for the worst, and the best will come.
I have listed the general rules, but each woman finds her own patterns of behavior. But most importantly, always remember the interests of the child, try not to inflate, (not pride) and, of course, do not forget about yourself. Maybe your husband left you, taking care of your soul, so that you turn to yourself and begin to treat yourself differently. Or maybe he made space for something or someone. Emptiness has one remarkable property to be filled. And maybe after a while you will be grateful to your ex-husband for what he did to you.
With love,
Irina Gavrilova Dempsey