There are a lot of "used" men. A very sad statistics claims that every third marriage ends in divorce, respectively, the ranks of divorced men are regularly replenished. Divorced men, after such a serious step as divorce, begin to master a new model of behavior, and each has its own.

Parrot Kesha. He misses his ex-wife quite a lot. Despite the fact that at first he really wanted a break, then he greatly regretted it. The ex-wife is the meaning of his whole life. Incredibly wants a resumption of relations. Such a man can be married to himself if he finds in you the features of his ex, and you manage to become an indispensable companion for him, able to come to the rescue always and everywhere. The main thing is to show that without you he will not be able to take a step.

prodigal parrot. He also yearns greatly, but not for his ex-wife, but for their relationship. Therefore, even though he doesn’t really want to return to his former family, he takes upon himself the solution of most of the issues of his relatives, including his ex-wife. Such a man is ready for a serious relationship, but it is difficult for him to decide on marriage. Your relationship should overshadow his past experience. But be prepared that he will constantly screw the light bulbs in the former house. And most often at the expense of the time that I could spend with you.

Free Bird. After the divorce, he fully and completely enjoys a free life. He does not intend to burden himself and is ready only for a short relationship. The new passion is regarded solely as an opportunity to have a good time. Enjoys a good attitude towards himself. Such a man will not treat you too respectfully. And your relationship will be regarded not so seriously as to think about your experiences.

Phoenix. The situation is more complicated. Divorce for him is like a rebirth from the ashes. Freedom and open relationships are the meaning of his life. He is not ready even for short-term novels. Uses women and changes them more often than gloves. At the same time, he tries not to choose women above him in social status. He has a fear that a beautiful and smart partner will fall in love with him, which will lead to a repetition of the sad experience called "marriage". His preferences are limited to girls who are ready for fun without responsibilities.

Misogynist. After an unsuccessful marriage, he hates the entire female gender. The ex-wife is the embodiment of hell in his life. Ready for a relationship, but not always serious. May decide on a serious relationship to take revenge on his ex-wife. Therefore, you should not count on great and bright love with such a guy.

Sleepwalker. Men after a divorce quite often lose their life orientation. The once-established life is changing dramatically, and it is not so easy for men to adapt to new circumstances. This type of behavior is quite common. As a rule, such a man is ready for a new relationship, and considers his new lover as a future wife. The main thing is to take the place of the “king in the head”, which was once occupied by his ex-wife, and set him on the right path in life.

Eternal child. These men divorced their previous lover because they loved as long as his wife was a good mother to him. From his wife, he requires a lot of attention, affection and care. If the quality of these components begins to decrease (for example, after the birth of a child, when a woman pays a lot of attention to the baby), he instantly longs for a break. The likelihood that he will change around you is almost zero.

So, whatever model of behavior your divorced bachelor accepts, do not forget about the rules of behavior with divorced men:

• Information is your weapon. Try to find out as much information as possible about why he divorced, what was the real reason for the breakup. This will help you decide if this relationship is right for you. After all, if his wife was a "saw woman" even according to family friends and all their quarrels ended with her phrase "leave", he can be understood. Well, if the reason for the divorce was his eternal betrayals, which the whole city knew about, be prepared that he will not be faithful to you either. Of course, interrogations are not necessary. And everything that is important for you to know, it is better to ask his friends.
• Pay attention to what he himself says about his ex-wife and children. If the responses are only negative, it is possible that similar unpleasant words will fly in your direction in the event of your break. Well, children are a separate issue altogether. If he speaks negatively about them, this is a very alarming sign.
• Keep your opinion to yourself. Only he can speak about his former family. Do not give your assessment of certain events in their lives with their ex-wife. This can set him extremely negatively towards you.
• Be clear about your role in your relationship. Do not pity him and do not fulfill all his wishes implicitly. And, of course, stop all attempts by his ex-wife to interfere with you in any way. Remember that your future should worry him more than his former family. Otherwise, the relationship will turn into a struggle with his past.

Text: Ekaterina Serebryakova

Frightened crows are afraid of bushes, and if you burn yourself with milk, you blow on the water, right?

So many men whose first marriage was unsuccessful avoid a second marriage.

Today, after a letter from one of my readers, I decided to make a note on this topic.

Do you need to get married?

In the letter, the reader told his story and described the current situation - there is a good woman, he loves her, but somehow he doesn’t get along with marriage. He does not say that he is against it, just "it is somehow incomprehensible why it is needed."

This is a common position - indeed, many men allegedly do not see the point in marriage. Like, we live together, manage together, marriage is a formality, nothing will change from the stamp, why are you fussing, woman?

Vaughn - Zygmantovich himself said that cohabitation with the conduct of a joint household is already a marriage (see details in the note).

Let's be honest, dear ones. It's not about the lack of meaning in marriage. There is just a sense here, it is right on the surface - to please your beloved. Well, she wants a stamp - why not give her that stamp? Cases for three sweets: go and sign.

Wolves are afraid...

But don't they go? Why?

It's simple - out of fear.

The described men are afraid of different things. Who is afraid that “it won’t work again” and a new divorce will happen (no one is insured). Who is not afraid of divorce itself, but fears that with it you will have to give up an apartment-car (this happens, yes). Who is worried about communicating with children (unfortunately, people often use children for revenge).

This is not an exhaustive list of fears, of course. There are as many of them as there are men on earth - everyone has something of their own, unique. And, perhaps, this is all that is worth knowing about these male fears.

... to the forest - to walk?

I am sure that readers and readers immediately had a question - what to do with fears?

First I will answer the readers - do nothing. Unfortunately, you are largely powerless here.

Yes, you can try to find out about these fears in a frank conversation and help a man overcome them ... But this is extremely difficult, and I will not dare to convince you that you can do it. Even I, a psychologist with a special education and rich experience, to which men come voluntarily and pay money for work, have to tinker with men's fears for some time. What can we say about the ladies of the heart, from which not all men expect psychotherapeutic work.

Now I will answer the readers. Dear brothers on the Y-chromosome! I'm telling you a terrible secret. Any relationship is, by definition, unpredictable.

You have no guarantees that your marriage (it does not matter - the first, second, third or whatever) will be successful.

You have no guarantees that your woman will not cheat on you (by the way, she does not have similar guarantees either).

You have no guarantee that the divorce process (if it happens) will not end with the deprivation of all property and the right to see your children.

There are no guarantees in a relationship at all - this is such an axiom that everyone for some reason tries to turn a blind eye to, and choose to live in rose-colored glasses.

And if you are afraid of some consequences, then you don’t have to go into a relationship at all. Talk to your computer and that's enough.

It's just like the old saying about wolves and the forest. Yes, there are wolves. Yes, you can meet them. Yes, the meeting can end sadly. And if you are afraid of all this, do not go into the forest.

So it is here: if you are afraid of sad scenarios, do not go into a relationship.

Well, if you are in a relationship, do something with your fear. For example,

Due to the fact that now young people are too liberated, boys and girls begin an early sexual life and do not have any prohibitions.

First marriage

Most often, they marry (marry) their first sexual partner, mistaking passion for "love for life." Over time, the "fire" subsides, life begins, and people disperse. Later, such a marriage is called nothing more than a "mistake of youth." Another option is when the marriage occurs due to the pregnancy of the partner.

The young are married by the parents of the disgraced girl. Another option is a man so decent that he cannot leave his pregnant girlfriend alone. Such unions break up almost immediately after the appearance of the baby.

It is a completely different matter when the lovers lived together for a long time, but because of the betrayal of one of the partners, the marriage broke up. No matter how paradoxical it may sound, but men are much more painful about divorce and less likely to marry a second time.

Happy second marriages

But be that as it may, time passes, and people want a new happiness. Regardless of age, everyone needs to feel the love and care of the second half. Already more experienced and cautious in choosing a partner, men and women enter into the next marriage consciously. According to statistics, the second marriage lasts much longer than the previous one, precisely because of the thoughtfulness and balance of this decision.

Any relationship is a daily hard work that you need to try to do as best as possible and “smooth the corners”. Unfortunately, many realize this only when they enter into a second marriage. And in order for the new union to be stronger and more durable than the first, you need to learn a number of features in relations with each other.

1. Do not be shy about new love and hide it from people. If a good person has appeared in your life, you have real deep feelings for him and are ready to connect your future fate with him, you should not hide your loved one from relatives and friends. There is no need to be ashamed of the fact that you love again and want simple human happiness. Let family and acquaintances still remember you in a pair with your first partner, maintain friendly relations with him or even talk about you. Of course, this one in your life. Well, let him (she) remain a pleasant memory.

A new relationship will start from scratch. It is necessary that the second husband (or wife) feel like a real part of your family. It is necessary to ask friends not to talk about previous relationships in his (her) presence. You need your loved one to know that the "ex" is left behind, and now there is only your family! It’s great if your children accept the “new family member”. Then the process of "lapping" will be much more comfortable!

2. Stop thinking only about yourself. This point applies primarily to women. Most often, the first divorce occurs due to the fact that the girl was humiliated in marriage, the husband cheated or treated his wife badly. And at some point, she could not stand it and broke the "vicious circle". Or, on the contrary, the husband is tired of life with the "victim" and left her for a more courageous woman. After such a humiliating relationship, the girl tries not to make such a mistake a second time. And in a new marriage, she tries on the role of a more selfish wife. Should not be doing that! You need to remember that there is a completely different man in front of you, and do not humiliate him by comparing him with his first tyrant husband. And don't bring old grudges on him. Let him show you that the relationship can be different and the partner can be gentle and caring. For some reason, you trusted him.

3. Forget about old failures. Once you have let go of the past, along with its negativity and failures, forget about it and don't let it seep into your new family. Even if some situations are similar, you should not say the following phrases to your partner: “You are the same as my first husband!” or "You're as much of a bitch as your ex-wife!" This is the biggest mistake that people make when entering a second marriage. We are all imperfect, everyone has our flaws, but no one likes the comparison with a former lover. If you want a new "cell" and develop in a new way, forget about the former. Even in a quarrel, be original!

4. Everyone has a past. Here, too, much depends on the woman. Most often, it is she who forgets that not only she had a husband. But the current spouse has a family. And if you can break off relations with your first wife, then children from a previous marriage should in no case suffer. The second wife must remember that as her current man treats his children now, he will also treat them together. Therefore, by any means help your loved one to see them. Let them come to visit you, get acquainted with half-brothers or sisters (if any). Try to find a common language with his children, especially if the new husband now lives and communicates with yours. Everything must be mutual!

It is important that the second wife come to terms with the fact that the man will give some part of his income to the children of the former family. Surely your first spouse will help you if you have a joint child.

Do not try to "step on the same rake"

Not so often, but it happens that as soon as a woman (man) regains happiness and arranges her life anew, the former partner tries to “get everything back”. Calls, harassment and even threats from the spouse begin. He assures that he "made a mistake" and begs the woman to return. In fact, practice shows that nothing will change - as soon as the wife returns to the family, the man will behave as before. And the marriage falls apart again. Ex-wives usually return the prodigal spouse to the family with the help of blackmail and manipulation of children. Although men most often leave forever. Therefore, if you have already started a new relationship, you do not need to rush about and be torn into two houses. Have respect for yourself and the partner with whom you entered into a second marriage.

Do not deprive yourself of the happiness of having a joint child

Even if you already have children from previous marriages, connect your real family in common. No matter how many children you have from your ex, a joint baby will make your union complete. Remember how it was the first time? The baby introduced an element of “miracle” into the family, forever connecting you with your husband (wife).

Well, let those relationships be in the past. Allow yourself to feel "one" with your loved one again. Usually a child in a second marriage is born late and becomes a "new ray of light" in life.

celebration

There is a stereotype that arranging a magnificent holiday for the second time is stupid and pointless. Especially if the woman was already married and wore a white dress. Another thing is when only a man had experience of marriage, and a woman is getting married for the first time.

In fact, these are simple prejudices of people. Everyone arranges his life just the way he wants. If the newlyweds decide to have a celebration - great! Now the children will be able to take a walk at the wedding of mom and dad.

Celebration Options

Even if this is the second marriage, the wedding can be as magnificent as the first time. You can organize it in any style. It can be a traditional holiday with a decorated car, loaf, ransom and toastmaster. Or a quiet evening in a restaurant with relatives and old friends. If you don’t want all this pathos and noise at all, you can just quietly sign in the presence of witnesses.

It is also very good not only to register your relationship, but also to get married in a church. Even if it didn’t work out the first time, maybe this union needs to be “made in heaven”?

True, when entering into a second marriage, it is better to choose a more modest dress, and not to wear a veil at all. There is a sign that a woman should have one.

Conclusion

Despite the fact that from childhood we are taught that a wedding should be one time, you need to get married or get married only for love. In life, everything happens in a completely different way. And if either there is no more strength to live together, people must part in order to find a new partner and become happy again. After all, life is one, and you need to live it well!

"The second marriage is a chance for happiness. Now the former (former) will not bother, and everything will be different in the new family!" - so many people think, having decided to remarry or marry. However, changing a sexual partner rarely leads to positive results, since whether a person is happy in marriage or not depends largely on himself. For many, a second marriage is like a second year in the classroom, when you have to re-learn everything that you went through and make the same mistakes.

Statistically, 80% second marriages end in divorce. Newly created marriages break up more often than the first ones. There is even an opinion that if a man's first marriage turned out to be a mistake, the second wife will pay for it. But despite guaranteed suffering, many people get divorced, get back together and get divorced again. Looking for happiness. Is it possible in remarriages?

To second marriage did not become a copy of the first, it is necessary, first of all, to change your attitude towards the first, which ended in divorce. This means that in order to live happily in a second marriage, you must properly divorce the first. Divorce always leads to nervous tension, stress, and therefore it is always a loss. The former is alive, but he is not around. If the spouses came to a common opinion and divorced peacefully, then they have no claims against each other.

And if one of spouses does not agree to a divorce, then hatred for another, long suffering, disappointment and self-pity are inevitable. In this case, the divorce looks like a whole tragedy, which is accompanied by insults and a shameful division of property. If pain after such a breakup remains with a person, then this is a sign that he divorced badly and he will drag this negative experience into a second marriage.

Happiness comes to the happy people and an unhappy person cannot find happiness. This means that you can not enter into a second marriage for the purpose of revenge on the former or to forget him. If you are sure that you yourself are fluffy and white, and the former is a "goat", then you should not marry a second time. Because your second husband will be the same "goat". Our chosen ones live up to our expectations. Everyone gets what he wants and next to him is the person he deserves.

Though hoping human who enters into a second marriage, that he will never step on the same rake again, in fact, he steps on them. Of course, he does this unconsciously, not wanting it himself. For example, "chronic wives of alcoholics" are common. These are women who are disappointed and tired of life, who see themselves as positive only against the background of a person who drinks, does not work anywhere, or is sick.

Psychologically, it is beneficial for her, against the backdrop of a weak partner she herself seems good and successful. In order to assert herself, she constantly criticizes her drunken husband with the words: “You ruined my life”, “I put up with you so much”, “I pulled you out of the mud”, etc. Yes, she endured, but the thought - how good I am, and how bad he is - gave her the resource to live on.

Often men, married for the second time, compares his wife with the first: “Why don’t you cook the same way as she”, “You are the same as she”, “She didn’t scream at the child like you ...”. There is no end to this. In the subconscious of a divorced man, there is always the image of his first wife, and he can no longer return to her because of resentment. The second wife, of course, does not like this behavior of her husband, she increasingly wants to send him to the first, but instead she endures and tries with all her might to be better than the first. In the end, her patience comes to an end and another divorce occurs.

The next reason for the lack of understanding between spouses in the second marriage are children from the first marriage. It seems to a man that he will love other people's children as his own, but children cannot perceive him as a father. He is a stranger to them. Women also think that they will become good mothers for their husband's children, but they already have a mother and do not need another. And if the children demonstrate such rejection for a long time, then after a year or two from the second marriage there is not even a wet place left.

To avoid re-divorce, you need to talk with the children immediately after the conclusion of the second marriage and discuss with them all the nuances of how they see cohabitation. Very often, dads, having heard from their children that the second wife mistreats them, feel guilty. Children do not get tired of repeating how they felt good with their mother, but they feel bad with their stepmother. It is necessary to explain to the children that their mother is no more, and the second wife will always be with them. Explain to your husband that it is not his fault and he does not need to make excuses. If he adequately divorced his first wife or she is no longer alive, then there should be no feeling of guilt.

Of course, happy second marriages also happen, but only when a divorce becomes a reason to realize your mistakes and change for the better. And if this happens, spouses in the second marriage feel happier. It is important to understand that luck never comes just like that. Love and happiness also need to be built, protected and cherished. It is like soil, which, if not loosened and fertilized constantly, nothing on it will grow and bear fruit. So a person must change, develop and remake himself. His views on life and behavior must change as he works on the mistakes that he made earlier, then he can come to happiness in a second marriage.

Do not be afraid to repeat past mistakes, a person is not perfect, and the search love and happiness- these are convincing arguments to try to start over and get married a second time.

Valeria Zhilyaeva

Alas, dreams that marriage is concluded once and for all, sometimes they remain dreams. Remarriage is now far from uncommon. Of course, everyone hopes that the next marriage will be more successful.

After all, it would seem that nothing new will arise in this matter. However, difficulties still appear. The problems of a second marriage differ, first of all, in the fact that there are ex-spouses and joint children from previous marriages husband and wife. Or the reason for the separation lies in the death of the spouse, which also entails certain psychological difficulties.

When a widower marries, that's normal. However, for a woman who decides to marry a widowed man, everything can turn into a disaster.

Marriage to a Widower Can Have Many Emotional Problems

Some women, thinking about whether to agree to marry a widower, come up with a superstition for themselves that the fate of the deceased spouse can befall her too. However, all this is nothing more than "grandmother's tales." You should not believe in such things if you want to build a strong family with a widower.

The main difficulty in such a marriage is that an imaginary competition with the deceased spouse may arise. This is especially true if the man himself “warms up” this feeling in his new wife.

It goes without saying that you can’t get away from the “baggage” of a past life. If you don't want your man to have a second failed marriage, follow these guidelines:

1. Accept your spouse's past. It will be much easier for you if you allow yourself to have confidential conversations with your husband on all topics, including the death of your last wife. Show respect for his feelings.
2. Come to terms with the memories. Sometimes a spouse may remember a deceased life partner. Do not be jealous in such cases. Believe me, if he remembers his first wife, this does not mean at all that he does not love you.
3. find a compromise concerning the personal belongings of the deceased. If you are uncomfortable that a man keeps some items that are related to his deceased wife, discuss this with him. When speaking, show maximum patience and mercy.
4. Set boundaries. You don't have to be an eternal "vest". You also deserve unconditional respect and understanding, as you are his wife. Don't be afraid to tell the man how you feel, but also let him know that you care about how he feels.

The statistics of remarriages is such that almost half of them end in separation. If you do not want to replenish the number of couples who have not managed to build harmonious relationships, do not neglect the help of a family psychologist when the need arises.

Happy remarriage

If you are determined to marry a widower, remember that he, with all his desire, will not be able to change or forget his past. Create with him your history and your joint memories. Over time, you will notice that the first spouse is remembered by him less and less.

Signs are inexorable and here. Someone will say that it is definitely impossible to marry a widow, because there is a risk that the fate of her first husband will be repeated. However, all this is just as illogical as the question "can a man marry his widow's sister."

Marriage with a widow can be successful if you show maximum sensitivity and attention to a woman.

It is not easy for a widow to marry again. The pain of loss, heavy grief and the memory of her first husband hang like a burden on her soul. A man who decides to marry such a woman needs show maximum patience and generosity.

When a widow gets married is up to her to decide. Do not rush things and insist on marriage. Sometimes it is very difficult for women to take such a step.

Date of a man and a woman - marry a widow

In addition, it is worth considering that such a marriage is fraught with some emotional difficulties. The first thing that awaits a man is test by the past of a widowed woman. No one likes comparisons with another person, but in such a situation, you will have to accept or leave. Endless breakdowns and scandals about this will lead to a break with a 100% probability.

Another difficulty lies in the peculiarities of human memory. It is likely that a woman over time already forgot about the flaws deceased spouse and remembers only the good. Difficulties begin from the moment when she begins to idealize that man.

The good news is that all these difficulties are temporary. Remember, that " a drop sharpens a stone". Show patience and love for a woman who has lost her husband, and soon the pain of loss will subside, memories will be replaced by new ones, and the “ghost” of the first husband will go far into the background.

Show love in remarriage

Marry a divorced man or marry a divorced woman

There are pros and cons to a relationship with a divorced man or woman. It does not matter if this is the second or the fourth marriage - the situation will develop in the same way each time.

You should only start a family with a divorced person if you are ready to accept his past.

Benefits of marrying a divorcee man:

1. He appreciates a serious relationship and does not exchange for trifles. A man or woman who creates a family after a divorce is aimed at strong and harmonious relationships.
2. Such a person knows how to communicate with a partner and what function he should perform.
3. The presence of a certain experience and emancipation in intimate life.
4. Life experience will allow you not to repeat the banal mistakes of amateur couples.

But there is also cons of such an alliance:

1. A partner who has already been married has his own established principles. You should carefully select the words in communication with him, so as not to hurt the living.
2. After one unsuccessful marriage, a person is in no hurry to re-tie these bonds.
3. New relationships can only be a way to forget the old ones.
4. A person may regularly complain about the first marriage and spouse.

In addition, a divorced person may have children from a previous marriage. They will also require attention, money and effort. And this will need to come to terms.

Children in remarriage

How to get married a second time?

It’s hard for a woman to be alone, but at the same time she is afraid that the next relationship will follow the same scenario, so the question of whether to marry a second time is relevant for her.

Almost all divorced women at first after parting believe that they will never get married again.

Divorce is not the end of the world. The second marriage for a woman is more than possible, as well as the third and all subsequent ones.

To happy marriage you need to take into account these simple tips:

1. Close the "door" to the old relationship. It is impossible to start a new life if you are still mentally in the old one.
2. Set a goal. Visualize your desire for a successful marriage. Describe your future husband on a piece of paper. Consider everything - appearance, character, attitude towards you and towards life.
3. Do not look for a father to a child from the first husband. He has a father. It is important that a man shows goodwill and respect for the child, and fatherly feelings will arise over time.
4. Don't settle for a relationship without commitment. The so-called "civil" marriage is also a relationship without obligations, which will become a ballast for you. Let the man know that you will live together only after submitting an application to the registry office.

How to remarry

Second marriage for a man

Marrying a second time is just as psychologically difficult for a man as it is for a woman. As the saying goes, if you burn yourself in milk, you blow on the water. However, sooner or later the question “is it worth getting married a second time” will come up with an edge.

Many men after the first marriage lose their meaning in the official registration of relationships.

And if he was already in a second marriage, then it is much more difficult to decide on a third marriage. The third marriage for a man, like the third marriage for a woman, is perceived as if they are stepping on the same rake with a running start. After all, nothing has happened twice, where is the guarantee that third marriages will be happy?

Indeed, there is no such guarantee, and fear is quite natural. It is important to understand here that any relationship is unpredictable, but from trouble, alas, no one is immune. But be afraid of wolves, don't go into the forest, right?

Man afraid of remarriage

You need to decide for yourself the issue of remarriage on your own. The main thing is not to pull the past negative experience into your present. Be happy here and now and help your partner in this.

March 30, 2018, 01:54

Return