Kira, 25 years and older, Moscow

We have a large family of 7 children ... But the behavior has been worrying me lately ...

Hello. My name is Kira, I'm 35 years old, we have a big family
from 7 children. Misha (12 years old), Yana (10 years old), Gemini (Vika and Vita 8 years old), Eva (7 years old), Nicole (6 years old) and Alice (3 years old). We are quite wealthy, so we all live well , we don’t deprive anyone. But Yana’s behavior has been worrying me lately, she began to study poorly, is rude, offends her sisters, doesn’t want to play with everyone. We often talk with her, spend time together, I never scold her, she has a separate room. It feels like she is jealous of Alice (youngest daughter). She does not want to talk about it. What to do with her behavior?

Psychologist Tatiana

Hello Kira.
It is very difficult to say why Yana's behavior suddenly changed. This can happen to any teenager, and a girl at the age of 10 is already beginning to enter this difficult period. Aggressive behavior and declining academic performance are the first signs that the teenage crisis with protests and the desire to become independent is taking effect. You, Kira, in your question wanted to ask about the behavior of one girl, but you listed all the children equally. This indicates your desire to give equal attention to any child. And teenagers don't like to be equal. They need to be special, stand out, have unusual features. And it is also important for them that adults respect their right to all their quirks and protests. They need to be loved no matter what.
You assume that Yana is jealous. Quite possible. After all, she is the eldest girl in the family, which means that she has the greatest responsibility and expectation of adult behavior. And at the same time, the youngest gets more attention, she is more allowed and forgiven. And no matter how much you tell Yana that you love all children equally, she is unlikely to believe you. She would rather trust her feelings. Each person is a carrier of different feelings. Anger is as important a feeling as sadness and joy. A jealous person feels anger due to the fact that the attention of an important person for him leaves him. This anger cannot be stopped. If it is not splashed out, it can manifest itself uncontrollably. Therefore, it is important to consider in what safe situation this anger can be reacted. Ideally, if a teenager has the opportunity to freely talk about their experiences. And since teenagers do not particularly trust their parents (and this is normal), it is better to seek help from a psychologist. The girl could deal with a specialist herself, and you could also receive a number of consultations. I think it would be a useful experience, giving the opportunity to understand a little more the needs and requirements of adolescents. After all, you have to go through more than one growing up of the small members of your large family. Good luck!

Being a mother is very difficult psychologically. No, physically it is also quite difficult, but physical fatigue goes away after one night of good sleep, but as for psychological fatigue, it is much more difficult to cope with it.

We publish an article by Huffington Post columnist Elisha, a mother of seven children, who writes about her life and gives advice to aspiring parents.

I am a mother in many ways... I have two children whom I gave birth to myself, four children of my husband, and one we adopted together. Yes. You guessed right: I have seven children. It is clear that I love children, but this daily maternal routine has dragged me so much that sometimes it seems to me that I am alone in the whole world. I know it's funny, but it's good that it just seems to me.

As soon as the feeling “I’m a bad mother!” begins to visit me, I try to reach out to other mothers in any way possible: through my Facebook group, the mothers of my friends, or just call my mother. I can’t say how many times I told other moms something, but all this was done in order to find out for myself the fact: she does the same as I do. It could be something as small as hiding candy from the kids, or something as serious as having a sudden panic attack.

And every time I sigh with relief, because I no longer feel that my whole life consists only of the word “mom” ... For myself, I have identified a few facts about motherhood that help me calm down and accept everything as it is.

1. Motherhood is dirtier than it looks. It consists of shed tears, hurt egos, disappointments, spilled milk, dirty dishes, and piles of laundry. Absolutely all mothers have gone through this, and you will not be able to avoid it. What remains? Accept everything as it is, and try to maintain sanity. And remember: sanity is a relative concept.

2. It is very difficult to refuse, even when it is necessary. For obvious reasons, many mothers have an innate need to take care of everyone and try to please everyone: children, husband, parents, teachers at school, etc. The list is endless, and we are sure that we can do it all. In the end, we pull everything on ourselves.

3. At some point in their lives, every mom reaches her boiling point. There are only two kinds of mothers: mothers who have already reached it, and mothers who have this point yet to come. Some of us go through this path every day, some - rarely, but I can say with confidence - this happens to absolutely every mother.

4. Sometimes there comes a moment when you can't figure out what to do. Even the mountains of books that have been studied cannot provide an answer. Know that every situation is different, and every child is different. Unfortunately, there is no one-size-fits-all answer, and the advice you find on the Internet is often clueless.

5. Harm to mom is necessary in order to survive. Chocolate, coffee, chips, TV shows... It's called a "problem solving mechanism" and everyone needs it. Choose your "poison" and throw the blame for it out the window. The main thing is to know the measure and not get carried away.

6. There is no such thing as work-family balance. You can be a rock star, but at this time you will have complete chaos at home. As soon as you start paying more attention to motherhood, immediately everything else fades into the background. There is no way to balance it, and you just have to go through this stage before you go crazy trying to find a middle ground.

7. You can't do everything at once! When you try to manipulate everything at once, you can miss or drop something, or you can “drop everything at once”. Yes, moms are all super, but they are not superhuman.

8. Anxiety and motherhood go hand in hand. When you start to worry about anything, remember that all moms are like that. This is fine. This state does not indicate your incompetence, but only confirms that you are a person.

9. Getting involved in a child's life during every waking minute is very hard and sometimes boring. Today's "parenting gurus" mislead us by telling us that parents should use every minute to interact with their children. Don't trust them. Children must learn to play on their own, and some things must be learned by themselves, without our constant intervention. Throw your toys on the floor and go finish your coffee while it's still warm.

10. TV sometimes replaces the nanny. When you're trying to get torn between feeding one child, helping with homework for the second, and at that moment the third is hanging on your leg and yelling ... Why the hell do you need to refuse TV in this case?

11. It is very easy to forget about your soulmate in maternal rigmarole. Relationships are hard work, and having kids makes them so much stronger. It is very important to have a strong shoulder that will fill you with energy. Be sure to make time for your loving partner.

12. Mom is often last on the list. Yes, we are the main ones in looking after order in the house and family, but often we, mothers, put care of ourselves into the background. In this case, we are threatened with burnout, which, in the end, brings nothing but resentment. And then we infect all family members with it. Yes, it's hard. But you need to take breaks.

Irina can hardly cope with children, she agrees to any job. Leonova's colleague and friend, actress Maria Poroshina, spoke about how Tsyganov's ex-wife lives two years later

Maria admires Leonova and that ability - famously to cope with children.

e-w-e.ru

“Ira, like an octopus, has time for everyone to straighten their clothes, comb their hair. And at the same time, calmly, clearly, like a radar, he snatches the really necessary information from all this noise. But Ira is working successfully: she plays at the Maly Theater!

“Recently, we met at our common friend, and it was very interesting to watch how Ira took the kids out of the car one by one. Children make noise, clamor, run around, all at the same time asking their mother about something, ”said Maria.

Maria Poroshina herself is a mother of many children: a year and a half ago she gave birth to her fourth child. A happy mother of many children is not at all against having a fifth baby.

A woman loves children very much and is always amazed at how her colleagues manage to combine raising children with work in theater and cinema. We all know that parenting takes a lot of effort. Not everyone manages to combine work and a decent upbringing of children.

YouTube

Recall that Leonova and Tsyganov broke up in 2015, when the actress was pregnant with her seventh child. Irina did not comment on the gap in any way and sent journalists with all questions to her husband.

kp.ru

The man went to his colleague Yulia Snigir, who also gave birth to a baby.

Elisha Wilson Beach is a mom like most other moms around the world. She adores her children, loves to cook delicious food and hates washing and ironing. What distinguishes this mother from others is that she has 7 (!) children, and at the same time she also manages to blog on her website. We offer one of her posts, because it is close to each of us: it is about motherhood.

In her blog at huffingtonpost.com, Elisha writes about the very mundane things that we mums deal with all the time, but don't attach any importance to it.

“I am a mother in many ways… I have two children that I gave birth to myself, four children of my husband, and one we adopted together. Yes. You guessed right: I have seven children. It is clear that I love children, but this daily maternal routine has dragged me so much that sometimes it seems to me that I am alone in the whole world. I know it's funny, but it's good that it just seems to me.

As soon as the feeling “I’m a bad mother!” begins to visit me, I try to reach out to other mothers in any way possible: through my Facebook group, the mothers of my friends, or just call my mother. I can’t say how much I told other mothers something, but all this was done in order to find out for myself the fact: she does the same as me. It could be something as small as hiding candy from the kids, or something as serious as having a sudden panic attack. And every time I sigh with relief, because I no longer feel that my whole life consists only of the word “mom” ... For myself, I have identified a few facts about motherhood that help me calm down and accept everything as it is.

1. Motherhood is dirtier than it looks. It consists of shed tears, hurt egos, disappointments, spilled milk, dirty dishes, and piles of laundry. Absolutely all mothers have gone through this, and you will not be able to avoid it. What remains? Accept everything as it is, and try to maintain sanity. And remember: sanity is a relative concept.
2. It is very difficult to refuse, even when it is necessary. For obvious reasons, many mothers have an innate need to take care of everyone and try to please everyone: children, husband, parents, teachers at school, etc. The list is endless, and we are sure that we can do it all. In the end, we pull everything on ourselves.
3. Every mom reaches her boiling point at some point in her life. There are only two kinds of mothers: mothers who have already reached it, and mothers who have this point yet to come. Some of us walk this path every day, some - rarely, I can say with confidence - this happens to absolutely every mother.
4. Sometimes there comes a moment when you can't figure out what to do. Even the mountains of books that have been studied cannot provide an answer. Know that every situation is different, and every child is different. Unfortunately, there is no one-size-fits-all answer, and the advice you find on the Internet is often clueless.
5. Harm to mom is necessary in order to survive. Chocolate, coffee, chips, TV shows... It's called a "problem solving mechanism" and everyone needs it. Choose your "poison" and throw the blame for it out the window. The main thing is to know the measure and not get carried away.
6. There is no such thing as work-family balance. You can be a rock star, but at this time you will have complete chaos at home. As soon as you start paying more attention to motherhood, immediately everything else fades into the background. There is no way to balance it, and you just have to go through this stage before you go crazy trying to find a middle ground.
7. You can't do everything at once! When you try to manipulate everything at once, you can miss or drop something, or you can “drop everything at once”. Yes, moms are all super, but they are not superhuman.
8. Anxiety and motherhood go hand in hand. When you start to worry about anything, remember that all moms are like that. This is fine. This state does not indicate your incompetence, but only confirms that you are a person.
9. Getting involved in a child's life during every waking minute is very difficult and sometimes boring. Today's "parenting gurus" mislead us by telling us that parents should use every minute to interact with their children. Don't trust them. Children must learn to play on their own, and some things must be learned by themselves, without our constant intervention. Throw your toys on the floor and go finish your coffee while it's still warm.
10. TV sometimes replaces the nanny. When you're trying to get torn between feeding one child, helping with homework for the second, and at that moment the third is hanging on your leg and yelling ... Why the hell do you need to refuse TV in this case?
11. In maternal rigmarole, it is very easy to forget about your soulmate. Relationships are hard work, and having kids makes them so much stronger. It is very important to have a strong shoulder that will fill you with energy. Be sure to make time for your loving partner.
12. Mom is often last on the list. Yes, we are the main ones in looking after order in the house and family, but often we, mothers, put care of ourselves into the background. In this case, we are threatened with burnout, which, in the end, brings nothing but resentment. And then we infect all family members with it. Yes, it's hard. But you have to take breaks.”

7 children

In September 2015, in the family of a famous Russian actor Evgenia Tsyganova and his wife, actress Irina Leonova, a long-awaited event happened: the couple has a seventh common child - daughter Vera. The birth of the baby made the star of the series "The Thaw" one of the largest fathers in the Russian artistic environment.

By the way, before her marriage to Evgeny, Irina Leonova was married to actor Igor Petrenko, with whom they studied together at the Shchepkinsky school. Leonova had no children from Petrenko, but the family union with Tsyganov bore fruit. In addition to the youngest, Vera, the acting couple has two more daughters: 10-year-old Polina and 5-year-old Sofia and four sons: 9-year-old Nikita, 6-year-old Andrei, 4-year-old Alexander and one-year-old George.

Eugene himself, who is considered gloomy and a person in the acting party, categorically refuses to comment on his personal life. Only once did a popular actor answer the media to a question about his family. “Burn in hell, people who are spying on me now! Let everyone take care of their families, do something useful, plant a tree. I hope people stop reading tabloids and start reading books. I hate gossip and situations in which my personal life is discussed. What difference does it make to them how many children I have? Six, eight or ten ... These are my children and my life, ”the most large Russian actor.

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