If he chose to celebrate New Year's with his friends instead of you...
New Year is on the doorstep… I just love New Year holidays! Since childhood, the New Year has been associated with the fulfillment of all desires, magic ...
My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over a year. We have achieved a lot together, we have been through a lot. Now we live together in our new, newly renovated apartment, which we bought together.
And everything would be fine, but only his friends didn’t like me from the very beginning, and with all my efforts to become at least a good friend of them, I, with all my usual sociability, remained unsuccessful. We celebrated last New Year with these same friends, and I was bored, uninteresting and annoyed in the morning for spoiling the holiday. Therefore, this year I simply offered my beloved a family version of the celebration. As a result, he is afraid to offend his friends and by default included me in the list of those present in the restaurant where he and his friends celebrate New Year's Eve. I refused. I don’t see the point of being where I’m not welcome, and besides, spoiling my holiday once again, stepping on the same rake again now. At the same time, the holiday will still be spoiled, because my dearest person preferred others to me. I didn’t want to put him before a choice, so I just step aside and let him go alone to celebrate with friends, promising that I myself will somehow spend the holiday with my relatives and friends. and I'm lying at the same time. without it, I don't need the magic of New Year's Eve. I'm sorry that there are so many lyrics... I just had to convey my feelings to you... I've never written in blogs, but I'm afraid that relatives and friends will not be able to tell me their real opinion.
QUESTION: Do you think that my loved one is doing the right thing and is I really dear to him if he does this? Should I just accept the situation?
Sometimes it is very difficult to find out if a lover wants to spend the New Year together, especially if you have only recently started dating. Perhaps he wants to invite you to his home to celebrate the New Year with his family? What is he thinking about? All these questions haunt you? Don't worry! We bring to your attention 8 signs that he wants to spend the New Year with you.
1. He talks about what he will do for the New Year
If you have just started dating, it is very important not to put pressure on your young man and not force him to spend the New Year together. Perhaps he wants to celebrate this holiday with his family. Ask directly how he is going to celebrate the New Year. If he says that on New Year's Eve you should definitely walk the night streets of your city, this is a clear sign that he wants to spend this New Year with you.
2. He hints that he is going to spend the New Year with you.
If a guy very often hints that he would like to celebrate the New Year with you, you can breathe easy! If he offers to decorate the Christmas tree together or have dinner at his house and get to know his family, no doubt!
3. He asks about dinner
The guy often asks about what are your favorite dishes, what do you like and what do you not like, what do you prefer, traditional New Year's dishes or something original? Perhaps for such questions - these are trifles, but this is a clear sign that he is going to spend the New Year with you.
4. He asks about plans
Perhaps he is as shy as you are and cannot directly say that he wants to be with you for the New Year. If he asks about your plans, know that you will celebrate this holiday together.
5. He thinks you should celebrate New Year's together.
Even if you just started dating, and the guy has already fallen in love, he may think that you simply have to spend the New Year together because you are a couple. He does not care where and with whom you will celebrate, with your family, his family or together, the main thing is that you are together.
6. He talks a lot about New Year's traditions
If a guy discusses New Year's traditions with you, this may be one of the signs that he wants to spend this holiday with you. Otherwise, he will not talk about how his family celebrates the New Year and what they are preparing for this holiday.
7. He asks if you are busy on New Year's Eve.
If a young man asks if you are free for the New Year, this is a clear sign that he wants to spend this holiday in an intimate atmosphere. Just because he will not ask, agree.
8. He tells his mom what will happen to the girl
If you hear that the guy told his parents that he will not be alone for the New Year, but with a girl, you don’t have to worry, you will spend this holiday together! Get ready to spend your first New Year together!
These are all signs that your loved one wants to spend the New Year with you. But remember that the best way to find out about this is to ask him directly.
Question to a psychologist
Hello! Not so long ago I started my first relationship with a young man, we have been dating for 3 months. Not so long ago, he raised the issue of celebrating the new year, offered to celebrate it in two, I was not against it. But soon I considered it boring that I want to break away for ng in the company of my friends. My best friend will have a free apartment for this ng, for the first time in 16 years of friendship, she will have the opportunity to celebrate the new year, not at home with her parents, but with her beloved friends, with whom we can have a good time. When I told the guy that I wanted to meet ng with friends, he got angry and offended, said that he didn’t mean anything to me, that friends were more important than him, that he really wanted to spend it with me, only we obviously wouldn’t succeed in two, but he I don’t mind and only “for” celebrating him with my parents, but I don’t want to, I’m already tired of meeting every ng at home, my parents understand, they themselves want to meet him with their friends. The young man offered to celebrate ng with his friends, but it turns out that I am the youngest there, they are all 3-4 years older than me, it is difficult for me to fit into the company, since I am modest when in an unfamiliar company, and I don’t want to spend it feeling squeezed, and even more so, these are his friends, and not mine, and ng celebrate with loved ones, of course he is also dear to me, but not his friends. For the life of me, but I stupidly want to see my friends, but I also love the guy, but he is offended by my decision, what should I do?
Psychologists Answers
Hello Catherine! Reading your letter, I get the feeling that the desire to celebrate the New Year with friends and the desire not to offend a young man have approximately the same strength, so it's hard for you to decide.
If I understand you correctly, then the goal of meeting the new year with friends is to "have a good time" with acquaintances, girls; and in the company of a young man you will not be able to "have a good time", tk. embarrassed in the presence of strangers.
But for your young man, it seems important to be with you in the new year, it means something to him, so he is offended.
In my opinion, this state of affairs creates a great opportunity to negotiate and suggests a variety of options.
Try to find out why it is important for a young man that you are there on New Year's Eve.
Based on his reasons (what he will say), you can think together about options for how to do more or less well for both you and him. What options do I see: to make a joint New Year with friends, your young man and several of his friends at a friend’s apartment; agree that you celebrate the new year separately, and Christmas (or some other holiday - only together); or you celebrate the New Year separately, and on January 1 you celebrate together; half the night you spend with a young man, and the other half you go to the girls, etc., etc.
It surprises me that in your choice you proceed from the position of "either-or", it somehow turns out sad. Either you are sad (in the case when you are not with your friends), or the young man (when you are only with your friends). Try to come up with some kind of combined option that would suit both of you, it's possible!
Good luck to you!
Good answer 5 bad answer 1Photo: Syda Productions/Rusmediabank.ru
There is so little time left before the New Year that the topic “With whom to celebrate the New Year” is becoming more relevant every hour. Analyzing my own experience, as well as the experience of friends and acquaintances, as well as the advice of psychologists, a certain TOP-3 was formed, with whom it is definitely not worth celebrating the New Year. But who you invite to visit you on New Year's Eve can already be determined by the order of exception.1. Single girlfriends
Katerina got divorced yesterday, and Natasha recently ended another "novel of the century", Olesya cannot forget her "former", and Lena cannot find her "future man". And you, to be honest, have no idea with whom you can celebrate the New Year and therefore decide to invite the girls.Typical Scenario
Girls, even if they are well over 40 years old, bring a lot of all kinds of food with them, so much that the standard table is cracking from the load. Salad "Olivier" is presented in three versions, "Mimosa" in four, and homemade stings in the eyes. The girls arrive on time, you are trying to create a festive atmosphere, portraying Santa Claus, the Snow Maiden, the Snowman and, to be honest, even the Reindeer at the same time, but the girls' team is still in a bad mood. The girls begin to slowly “pull” champagne, the closer midnight, the more frank the conversations. “My ex is just an animal, how could I marry him?”, “Have you seen who Ivanov is dating now? This is a monster, skin and bones”, “But Vitya hasn’t called me, can you imagine, for three months now.” At midnight, to the sound of the chiming clock, everyone wishes each other personal happiness, at five minutes past one everyone frantically covering their cell screens, they begin to scribble SMS messages to the “former”. At one in the morning, Katerina begins to sob, and Natasha suggests walking around Moscow at night to meet "someone" interesting. While you are thinking about how to take champagne from Olesya, Lena goes to drown herself in the shower.
Afterword
In the circle of friends, even if they do not currently have a happy personal life, it can become a bright and cheerful meeting of the New Year, provided that the friends are not shifted in search of the “man of their whole life” and are not fixated on the notorious “female happiness”.
2. "The right people"
The most terrible scenario for meeting the New Year is a fabulous night in the circle of “the right people”. The category of “necessary people” includes: your boss with his wife, the boss with his wife from her husband’s work, “Klavdia Ivanovna, a very important person for the development of our business”, aunt Masha (who has a rich inheritance and she decides who to rewrite the elite chicken coop), lonely Lyudmila Petrovna (chief accountant from the office), a second cousin with his wife from Nizhny Uryupinsk and their five children (the brother promised to triple for a decent job), and so on, ad infinitum. The main criterion by which all these people ended up at your table on New Year's Eve is the fact that in your right mind you would never invite them if it were not for the circumstances. Typical Scenario
“The right people”, without even having time to take off the snow-covered “minks” and Fontanelli down jackets, begin, right from the threshold, to measure the oranges they brought with them, who has more and cooler. The husband's boss drinks a bottle of whiskey he brought with him (because other drinks are "too simple") and begins to talk about how he served in the army. The wives of all the bosses put together are discussing your Olivier salad with condescension and wrinkling their noses indulgently, offering to order a salad from a restaurant. Lyudmila Petrovna trumpets tediously about how hard she conquered Moscow, a second cousin eats a festive goose with his hands, and their children are trying to find your cat to teach her to dive in an aquarium. Everyone clinks glasses of champagne to the sound of the chimes, and your boss tells how hard it is to live "for a select elite among mere mortals."
At two in the morning, you meet with your cat at where you are trying to escape from the society of "the right people." At half past three in the night, having made a decision, you and your cat climb over the balcony to the “unnecessary”, but cute and cheerful neighbors and stay there until the morning.
Afterword
New Year in the company of the “right people” cannot be a holiday a priori, because the “right people” are work, and work and holiday almost never go hand in hand.
3. Casual acquaintance
On December 29, you met on the Internet, on December 30 he seemed to you a “normal man with serious intentions”, and on December 31, you decided to invite him to visit you. “If miracles happen, then on New Year's Eve”, “New Year's Eve is magical”, “Once you take a risk, you can be happy all your life”, “how you meet the New Year, so you will spend the year” and other romantic nonsense, which is so nice believe. Typical Scenario
He comes to you at ten in the evening, in jeans with outstretched knees and a sweater from the last century. In his hands with a lopsided label, hastily pasted with Moment glue. While you, as in the "Irony of Fate", are considering at least some signs of "Doctor Zhenya" in the guest, the newly-minted counterpart hiccups and you understand that he is mortally drunk. At midnight, it turns out that the night guest is married and quarreled with his wife at four in the morning, that he loves cabbage butterflies. And for the first time in your life, you understand that the verb “loves” has several discrepancies that shock you. At five in the morning you call the police, at five ten you rejoice that the police have not identified a real bandit in your guest.
Afterword
Miraculous, fateful meetings from the category “just got married” happen, as a rule, in films, in books and on the stage of the theater. In life, this happens extremely rarely, and even more so on New Year's Eve.
read UkrainianThe reasons are different. But the conclusion is the same: we are different even on New Year's Eve.
Keep the feeling of happiness in you! © Thinkstock
“New Year together - what could be more romantic, warmer, more trusting in relation to each other?” - the woman thinks and ... Very often she comes across a decisive (polite, forced, tortured - choose the right one) refusal of a man.
Call them once again, regardless of the holiday, "insensitive chumps" or still try to penetrate the jungle of their logic?
At the risk to the psyche - we will penetrate ...
Why do men not want to celebrate the New Year together?
“It all depends on the status of a man in relation to a woman. And the relationship between a man and a woman, ”says our author from the“ opposite camp ”Ray Sergeev.
And deciphers his deep thought:
The proposal to celebrate the New Year together and only together comes with the same regularity as the New Year itself. No, more often: a woman says this phrase forty times every year, and the New Year comes once again.
To put it bluntly, the offer is in most cases unattractive. Although there are nuances that depend on the status of the relationship. By the way, according to the reaction of a man to this proposal, you can most likely make a “diagnosis” of the degree of your intimacy. And take appropriate action, if necessary.
Consider the options for celebrating the New Year together
Family: wife, children, mother-in-law, father-in-law and mother-in-law. Of all the options for celebrating the New Year, only one is real: all together, a large and friendly family. There is no way for a man to refuse this.
Both understand that the New Year together is a dream, a pink dream. There is a hope that the mother (mother-in-law, father-in-law, parents of the wife, sister of the husband, etc.) will still go to visit relatives this New Year, and the beloved offspring will go on a 3-day New Year excursion tour with the class - there is. But so ghostly that you want to groom and cherish her until the chiming clock.
Relationship Diagnosis: All right. If there is a desire to be together, everything is just great! Didn't come true? Nonsense!
Love triangle: he, she, mistress. Wife knows what he has there is another. And he knows that she knows. Everything goes according to the knurled ... But she was already so tired of his attempts to invent something, just not to stay with her! To the point of being ready to pay for any of her trips.
On the other hand, she cannot believe and accept that they are strangers. What if he still stays this New Year? Maybe it can still be improved?
Relationship Diagnosis: Maybe it will stay. And then, perhaps, it is time to ask: why? Because something is still warm in your relationship? Or because another door is closed that night for some reason?
And if he opens, will he immediately leave? In the New Year, the relationship is not cleared up? Or maybe the magic of this night is just what you need for such difficult conversations?
It's time to fall in love - a win-win option! He, she and ... any third extra. “Of course, my love, how could it be otherwise?” The option of some other proposal, except for the two of us, causes resentment and misunderstanding. No matter how much she has him and how much he has, it will still not be enough. This is the period of relationship.
Good old lover... The probability that your proposal to celebrate the New Year together and only together will encounter a decisive refusal is almost 100 percent. Why? Because the "good old lover" does not expect anything extraordinary from this night.
In addition, the thought that on this night it will not be possible to avoid the question “When will we finally be always together?” kills the holiday long before it starts.
In addition, the "good old lovers" always have a sickly company - well, what can you do, such is the type! And it would be foolish not to light it up, especially since "an old sidekick from St. Petersburg is coming."
Diagnosis of relations: firmly, calmly. Alas, hopeless...
In life there is always a place for a miracle. He is alone. She is one. And it seems that they have known each other for more than one year, but he never perceived her otherwise than just a friend. And suddenly the unexpected: “Hi. Come if you want. I celebrate the New Year myself ... ". And in a strange way, this coincided with the fact that he, too, is now "out of work." "Why not?" - the man thinks and agrees. Novelty beckons...
Relationship Diagnosis: they are almost non-existent. Will they? Who knows, in the New Year, they say, miracles happen.